April, the Month For Government-Sponsored Human Sacrifices To a Demon God
According to crazy people, the second half of April, during which an admittedly unusual number of tragedies have happened over the years (Oklahoma City bombing, Columbine High School shooting, Virginia Tech shooting, Boston Marathon explosions), is actually a period of government-sponsored ritual human sacrifice to the demon god Baal.
Yep. I’ve got to repeat this because it’s just so insane. Some people believe that historical tragedies that have happened in the month of April were actually orchestrated by the United States government as a ritual sacrifice to a demon god. They call it the “Blood Sacrifice to the Beast,” because of course they do.
If it’s true, though, that is one sick April Fools joke.
Adam and Eve? Aliens.
I love this theory not only because it tosses the Bible out the window, but also because it involves aliens. Conspiracy theorists believe that Adam and Eve were extraterrestrials who traveled to Earth on a space ark…yeah, Noah’s space ark.
Honestly, this makes more sense than a man in the sky just making the first people out of nothing. And there’s apparently a bunch of evidence in ancient texts that aliens created the human race.
Ooh, I hope this one is true!
NASA's Thunderstorm Cover-Up
This genius theory purports that NASA invented thunderstorms to cover up the sound of space battles.
Someone on Reddit pointed out that’s impossible because thunderstorms have been around since before NASA, but then another genius made the counterpoint that NASA could have also invented time travel, thus making it possible. Think before you negate awesome conspiracies, people.
Evil Dolphin Plot
It’s a fact that dolphins are one of the most intelligent animals on Earth—possibly more intelligent than humans, at least in some respects. (When you develop echolocation, you let me know.)
It’s a conspiracy theory, however, that dolphins are low-key scheming to take over the world and eliminate mankind.
Suddenly, Flipper doesn’t seem like an innocent kids’ movie anymore.
Rocks Are Squishy
This is hands down my favorite conspiracy theory in the whole wide world. This is complicated, so stay with me. The theory is that rocks are actually squishy, but they tense up right before we touch them.
If you think about it, there is literally no way to prove this theory is wrong.