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2 pointed parenting questions: Ask yourself to see how well you’re doing.

December 10, 2010 | By Abraham | 28 comments

1. Would you want to be your child?
2. If not, how much of the reason why is you?

I gave myself this interview over coffee today, and you know what? Ouch.

28 Comments

  1. kmom says:

    I gave this some thought because I just put my daughter on the school bus. She is slow-starting some mornings and this was one of them. She is grumpy this morning, and I hope by the time she gets to school that is gone. (it usually is) I feel bad when she is grumpy and I can’t happy her up. But I am her mom, not her buddy, and learning to manage her time and get to school is one of those things that I get to help her work on. Best friends? No. Would I want to be any child again? No. I’m the mom now, and I am glad to be. I wouldn’t trade being her mom. She knows she is dearly loved.
    She might tell you that she doesn’t always want to be my child, but that’s ok. Kids do pull the “I hate you” card sometimes. So, off with the guilt. We do our best, we make adjustments sometimes and say we are sorry, but we are fallible.

  2. Andy says:

    Rationally, I know my parents were anything but perfect growing up. My mom had an extremely short temper, and my dad was a poor communicator. We were poor, things were stressful, etc.

    And yet, I constantly look back on my childhood with aching nostalgia (knowing, of course, that my true desire is not for my childhood back, but for eternity ahead).

    1. Larissa says:

      I was an oddball, too… I would love to be my kids. Their personalities are so engaging, I love being with them… And I don’t know how much of that is mine an my dh’s raising of them so much as God’s divine intervention despite our efforts :)

    2. Jen B. says:

      Me too. I’m tying to understand the “ouch” factor others are mentioning. I’m not saying I’m a perfect parent, but we sure are having a fun time. (Also, not in the buddy, buddy sense)

    3. Jean says:

      I’m an oddball, too. I would want to be my child or my husband’s child. We were married more than 9 years and were 40 when we were able to get pregnant so I think we see the privilege of parenting maybe in a different light than WE (just talking about us here, not anyone else) would have earlier, and we had/have done a lot when we were single and even in our careers.

      We’re not the penultimate parents but yeah, I would want to be a kid of mine. (That’s okay to say, right?)

    4. Bessadoo says:

      I would love to be my child because I know that I am a much more positive parent than my parents were with me!

  3. AC says:

    My kids are awesome. I’d love to be them and see and experience the world the way that they do. But, I don’t think much of that has to do with me. They’re all different and are really engaging. God has been very gracious.

  4. David says:

    Yes, I’d be happy to be my own kid. I’ve found it’s not hard to be a good dad, just do the exact opposite of what my parents did.

  5. mindy lee irvine says:

    I to would be happy to be my own kid, living in a home nothing like the one I grew up in. What I was convicted of when I read this post was the hustle and bustle of this last week and the inconvenience my kids have been. Although we are all parents who fall short of perfection, when was the last time you confessed and ask for forgiveness from your kids? I certainly need to do that this morning. Thank You AP for being a trampoline for the Holy Spirit.

  6. Jen says:

    #12 David, you took the words right out of my mouth.

    I would also like to add that parenting is mostly just being there for your kid. I haven’t seen my dad since I was 12 and my mom, although I know she loves me, she prefers the company of her sisters and brothers. I love being with my son and husband and I know my son loves being with me.

  7. MJ says:

    I would love to be my child. My husband and I have worked hard to be the parents we never had. My child is kind, loving to all and a joy to be with every single day.

  8. Malcolm Slaney says:

    Very hard question. I hope I’m as good a father as my father was. But living in Palo Alto now, my son has opportunities and is exposed to ideas that I couldn’t even dream. My father was amazing, and I don’t know how I can do any better.

  9. monday says:

    1. Would you want to be your child?
    Absoutely YES!
    I have thought of exactly this since my child was born.
    Read Alice Miller it will wake you up.

    Treat your children the way you would want to be raised and attended to as a child!

  10. Brigindo says:

    My child is now grown and out of the house but I would have preferred to have me for a parent than my mother. However I would not want to be my child (when he was young or now) because although I think he is an exceptional individual, he has always had a lot of anxiety. Growing up was way more painful for him than it was for me, even though my upbringing was more classically dysfunctional. I’m proud that I was able to both hold back the world for him a bit and teach him how to cope so that now he is living a balanced and happy independent life but it was very painful watching him take his bumps and bruises.

  11. matarij says:

    Hmm – my child is grown up too and i wouldn’t have wanted to have been him with me for a mother. But there again I was a MUCH better mother than mine, so I don’t know. Very good questions.

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