Jun 24, 2008
Here’s something stupid I’ve said to my kid. Now, what dumb clichés have you succumbed to?
When Orison whines for no reason, I’m occasionally tempted, like an unoriginal idiot, to threaten, “I’ll give you something to cry about.”
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Theme based on Derek Punsalan's Grid Focus.
“If I have to come up there, you’ll be sorry!”,
translated – “I can’t be bothered parenting tonight, but I want to try to make you think I can.”
Paul
“No.”
Let me explain- saying “no” just because I did not feel like saying “yes” or because I do not want to be bothered, or because “yes” means I need to take more effort.
I once told my daughter that if she didn’t go to sleep I was going to “spank her…really, REALLY hard.” As soon as the words left my mouth I realized that the entire thing was based on an empty threat. Thinking that if I made the threat really, REALLY bad, she’d listen…and I wouldn’t have to discipline her.
This is like the inverted, contrary answer to your question, but my daughter once told me she loved me more than 100 crocodiles.
Yes, she meant that as a good thing.
I’ve already posted
http://jamsco.wordpress.com/2007/03/26/paternal-prayer-pride/
about the post prayer “How could you know they had their eyes open if you didn’t?”
“Hush that crying up and don’t you say another word…Do you hear me!…You better answer me when I talk to you” -JW c.2008-
“Act your age!” (6, in this case)
Meaning: stop acting like a normal kid and more like an oppressed adult.
“Why?” (4 year old)
“Don’t question me!” (I say, even though it would do us both good to understand WHY)
I don’t think I understood what “I’ll give you something to cry about” meant until I was about 20.
I’ve been known several times to tell my one-year-old, “Sam, that doesn’t make any sense.” Oh, sorry Dad, I’ll try to be more rational.
I’ve asked my 3 year old several times after seeing him do something that has no rational basis, “why would you do that?”
I think if he would once answer me with a well thought out, sensible reason, I’d be quite surprised.
“Don’t say ‘no’ to me”: to my 2-and-a-half-year-old who acts every bit her age. How else is she going to answer in the negative to a yes/no question?
When my one year old is whining for no reason:
“Nobody’s hurting you”
I’m the MOM and I know where you sleep!
Unfortuately I haven’t repented and still use that terrorist statement today…mostly on four footed creatures, some with only two. (My little roo)
No whineybutts (am I able to say that:) allowed to live in this house! They are now 15 and 11, are still here and the whining has disappeared. Stay strong!!!
Oh, here’s something else I say (as in, I just said it less than a minute ago):
Orison, crying: “Oww!”
Me without looking: You’re not hurt.
This is one of the most encouraging blog posts and comment strings I’ve read in a long time!
For some strange reason, reading how others fail at parenting like I do make me want to be a better parent.
Mom: “You need a nap.”
Child cries at the thought.
Mom: “See, you’re crying. I told you you need a nap.”
I remember that one.
Evidently.
http://twentytwowords.com/2008/03/03/do-you-remember-this-childhood-dilemma/
“I’ll give you something to cry about.”
The first time I said that one, I realized I’d turned into my dad.
One I particularly enjoy using is, “Because I’m the Dad.”
Dumbest I’ve succumbed to? “Close your mouth and eat your food.”
I don’t have kids, but one thing I notice is when parents give their child a choice when the child really has no choice (“It’s time to go now, ok?”). It often results in a child saying no, and then being disciplined and made to do the thing anyway.
Mom’s offering here was not stupid. It’s brilliant and true.
Because you don’t mess with Mom.
I’m surprised that no one has owned up to this one yet; “Do you want me to come over there and spank you?” What self preserving radically depraved child will actually say, “Yes” to that question?
Evidently, I assume that mine will, because this falls out of my mouth too often. I wonder what would happen if one of them did respond in the affirmative.
Having been the mother of young children for 46 years now, I suppose I’ve uttered every parental cliche one time or another. But you know how cliches become cliches: because there’s something true there (at least I hope so).
Anyway, let’s just say I adhere to this school of motherhood:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM
Make that 36 years. Motherhood didn’t improve my math skills.
Thanks for that speedy correction, Mom. For a minute there, I felt the soft falling of gray hairs and an extra chin flopping down over my paunch.
36 in Sep,
Karsten
46 is not so bad. You don’t necessarily have to be paunched out when your 46.
I’m not saying I’m a good example of that: I’m saying I know a guy.
My mother used to tell me to
“Away and kick a ball on the hard shoulder…”
Or she’d say
“Away and chew the cables, son…”
Or (an all time favourite)
“I’ll take my hand off your face.” It was the putting it on that added a frisson to that one.
If I was being particularly belligerent, she’d call me a “poultice”, or a “festering poultice”. I’m sure she was quite right. If only I’d listened.
Child: How do (or how did) you know?
Mom: Because mothers know a lot of things.
Three months later after hearing mom reply that way about once a week.
Mom: How do you (or how did you) know?
Child: Because kids know a lot of things.
2nd example:
Mom: What are you doing?
Child: Something.
(Also substitute–who are you talking to/someone–and various other combinations of ambiguous answers.)
Three months later after the kids have replied that way about once a week.
Child: What are you doing, Mom?
Mom: Something.
Me, pleading with my 2-1/2 year old who was not in the mood to follow instructions: “You can either listen to mommy and come outside with the rest of us or you will get a spanking and stay inside.”
Silence, my 2-1/2 year old carefully weighs both options, and then confidently responds: “I think I will just stay inside and take the spanking.”
Hmmm…that really wasn’t what I was going for.
My mom told my sis and I: “If you miss the bus, I’ll knock your head off!”
(Makes me laugh even now.)
For years, whenever we missed the bus, we’d walk to a neighbor’s house and ask for a ride until one day his bratty little, loose-lipped daughter ratted us out! We we’re frightened, but I remember my Mom realizing the folly of her threat.
What stupid things have I said to my kids? Here’s a sampling?
“I just don’t even know what to do with you.”
“Get your jammies on.” no response. “I should NOT have to repeat myself. Get your jammies on.”
“If you keep treating your brother this way, Miles will want nothing to do with you. And then Daddy and I will have another baby, and then THEY will be friends.” (I cannot believe I’m admitting to this publicly.)
Fantastic – the threat of future ostracism by existing and potential siblings as child rearing tool. I’ve officially heard it all.
I looked at Noah the other night while he was crying about getting water dumped on his head in front of his younger brother, “Noah, why are you acting like you’re two!?! You can go under water at the pool and you’re crying about . . . ?!”
Then I caught myself mid-sentence and might have even said out loud …
“Because you are two. Crazy Mama!”