http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKlMl4II3_0

To the question in the post: because many people feel we must know a person before marriage.

I realized almost immediately upon meeting my Hubs that I would marry him, and less than six months later, I did (and we’re about to mark two years of marriage). I had a complete certainty that I’d never known before (and still cannot adequately describe) that he was God’s match for me. Now, I will quickly state that having a longer dating/engagement period would have made some things we’ve faced in these past two years easier, but who says easier is always *better*? We’ve grown through our struggles… as it should be.

So, I obviously think that complete knowledge of a person is unnecessary before marriage. Get cleared on the big stuff beforehand, then let the little stuff fall into place along the way. (And I think Isaac and Rebekah would agree!)

Waiting a whole year of dating, then a whole year of engagement wasn’t all that bad in hindsight. After all, getting married should be a one-way road. We love being married, but at the same time, we can’t exactly go back to our “single days.” Waiting allowed us to enjoy a little more of the still-single-for-a-teeny-bit-longer season of life.

Now 7 years later, we’re sure we made the right decision.

I do believe short term would be better with pre-marriage counseling. Also with church family accountablies too.

I do long for this special day and still am waiting for my godly soul mate. I am 43 years young and going on 44 a day before the end of this year.

Thank you for sharing this with me!
‘Guerite ~ BoldLion

HOWEVER, after our engagement we actually ended up haveing a “secret marriage” where we actually got married at a friends house with just our families present. We couldn’t wait any longer! So we were actually married before our wedding! It is a special thing.

We didn’t want to live in sin and we wanted to make it right.

16 years later, we are passionately in love and our marriage is better than ever. We’ve been best friends since the beginning.

Having said that, we’ve both told our kids, son 14 and daughter 12, that if they do anything remotely similar, we’ll kill them.

:)

That’s why my wife and I dated five years before we got married. We lived together for the last three years and were engaged for the last year.
To me that was a necessary step. Partly it’s because my mother has been divorced three times (once from my dad then twice again) and my father is in a very unhappy second marriage and I know how painful a divorce / bad marriage can be and wanted to take every precaution to avoid that.
But it’s also a philosophical thing: To me, marriage is a public affirmation of a commitment that already exists. Marriage can’t make you love someone or make you compatible with them. You can only find out if those things are true by putting them to the test. So my wife and I lived as a married couple in every way before our wedding: We lived together, shared our money, split responsibilities, fought and made up, spent time with in-laws, etc. The result is that our wedding was, essentially, an awesome party with our family and friends to celebrate a commitment that already existed in our hearts.
Since we got married last year, our relationship hasn’t changed in any significant way. Which to me is wonderful and exactly the way it should be.
That’s why I always recommend taking time and trying to live together as a married couple before actually getting married. If you truly love someone, whether or not you have a marriage certificate shouldn’t matter as much as the fact that you’re together.
I know some people have religious objections for various reasons, but to me that’s evidence that religions are often out of touch with human relationships. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the states with the most churchgoing Christians have the highest divorce rates and vice-versa.

My wife and I got engaged in August. Our wedding was the next June. (That intervening winter I nearly broke down and drove her to the nearest justice of the peace.)

Personally, I found it to be quite a challenging 10 months from a purity point of view.

PURE. TORTURE. Good thing we were separated for the last 12 months.

I will NEVER do that to my children. But it was a very pretty wedding.

My wife and I dated for 8 months before getting engaged and married 5 months later. Our whole process of dating, engagement, wedding planning, etc. was so enjoyable and comfortable that I had a strong peace that we were going about things the right way in the right time.

I think that is a lot of what the Apostle Paul is articulating in 1 Corinthians 7:36: “If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.” Years upon years of a relationship with someone you’re not married to while behaving properly the entire time (let’s remember, this includes our eyes and our hearts — not just our hands and our lips)? I can’t imagine 2 people loving each other to the point of a courting/dating relationship and being able to keep their hearts, minds, hands, and eyes pure for years and years… identify your passions (as Paul is saying), and get married — it’s a good and beautiful thing.

BTW, I think “quality time” is a complete hoax. If you spend 4 hours all at one time time once a month, every month, practicing the guitar — no matter how intense the practicing is — you will never achieve professional-quality guitar-playing skills.

Why would we think that “quality time” works in any relationship when relationship-biuilding is more complicated than guitar-playing? Quantity of time is a quality necessary for relationship-building.

I think a lot depends on shared vision and goals as well as a realistic view of marriage being the union of two sinners. It’s important to recognize the need for a commitment to work at marriage.