Nov 20, 2008
What’s the first joke you remember telling? What jokes do your kids tell?
I can remember my dad laughing out loud every time I told him that Fall is a tightrope walker’s least favorite season.
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Theme based on Derek Punsalan's Grid Focus.
“Why were the Indians the first people in America? Because they had reservations.”
1. Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana WHO? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Banana. BANANA WHO? Knock, knock. WHO’S THERE?? Orange. Orange who??? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?!
Why was the prisoner lonely?
Because he was in his cell.
(NB this only works in a Scottish accent.)
Once there was a acorn that fell to the ground. It grew and grew. One day it woke up and said, “Geometry!”
What does the pig say when his side hurts?
Oh my achin’ bacon!
Why was the tomato red?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!
Two carrots were walking down the street when one of them was hit by a car and rushed to the hospital. When the doctor came out to tell the other carrot what was going on he said, “Well, the good news is he’s going to be ok. The bad news is that he’s a vegetable.”
My grandfather taught me that joke when I was like 5.
The first joke I remember was one my daddy used all the time…As a young Texan, my speech had a definite drawl…
Me: “Daddy, I’m thursdy, I want a dreengk…”
Daddy grabbing my hand and shaking it… “Glad to meet you Thursdy, I’m Fridy…”
Me: “Nooo Daddy, I’m THURSDY…”
I don’t remember my first joke. I remember my brother came home with this masterpiece:
Q. What did one eye say to the other?
A. Something smells between us.
So. A couple of muffins were in the oven.
One muffin turns to the the other muffin and says, “Is it just me, or is it hot in here?”
The other muffin says, “AAAARRRRGH! Talking Muffin!”
I love the talking muffin joke. I used it in one of my projects…I do research with lifelike virtual characters, and one of my characters tells that joke. I came under criticism from most of my team about it, but I left it, haha.
A bit of research about that particular joke, and others like it, btw:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/13/science/13tier.html?ex=1331438400&en=d38e4cf7a53719f3&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss
(this is how I defended myself, haha)
I’m not sure the first joke I told, but the first joke I got was :
Q: What do you say to a man who broke his leg in two places?
A: Don’t go back to those places again!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
A man with no arms no legs in a hole in the yard?
Doug.
I cannot ever not laugh when I hear those. My daughter picked up the the knock knock jokes from the your momma series. It’s so dumb.
Knock, knock…who’s there?…Joe…Joe who?
JOE MOMMA!
Laugh till I stop.
Our daughter has changed the Orange/Banana knock knock joke:
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
No, you’re supposed to say Knock Knock who.
Oh, Knock Knock Who?
Knock Knock I love you very much… (dissolves into giggles)
What’s not to love about that joke!
I loved knock-knock jokes. Who’s there… Olive… Olive who… Olive you! That one still gets a grin from my mom.
“What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
A man with no arms no legs in a hole in the yard?
Doug.”
To those we would add:
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at a front door?
Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a wall?
Art
I remember telling those from a very young age, there were more but I forgot.
Also my friends dad would point out cows in fields as the would drive by and say to his Children; ” See those cows? Those are the best cows I have every seen. ” You know why? They are outstanding in their fields.”
…. yeah i know sad, but He loved it.
what do you call a dog without legs?
Call it whatever you want, he still won’t come.
what do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef
I had a ton of one-liner blonde jokes. For some reason, my parents thought it was funny to teach me those. But, I’ll spare y’all and not list those.
That guy Adam and I must have had the same parents or friends or something, beacuse both the “Pete and Repeat” and the “Knock, Knock Orange/Banana” jokes were my first two as well :-)
Not my 1st joke, but one I told a lot:
Two ants were running across the top of a box of crackers. One of them said, “Why are we running so fast?” The other replied, “Can’t you read? It says ‘Tear Across the Dotted Line!’”
Abraham,
Hello! I just today stumbled upon your blogpage here from a link from another.
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Please feel free to drop into my blogpage, and even add me to your Feeds and blogroll if you can. I’d love to get more traffic over to my site.
My address is below my name and book.
Blessings,
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Author of “Orphaned Into Belonging”
http://www.lulu.com/content/4781677
Walking In The Spirit
http://amyiswalkinginthespirit.blogspot.com
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Dishes
Dishes who?
Dishes a stick-up!
Also…
1. Knock knock
2. Who’s there?
3.Banana.
4. Banana who?
Repeat 1-4 about 10 times, or until you think the other person is going to burst, then finally:
Knock knock
Who’s there already?!
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Q: How do you make a handkerchief dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it!
Q: What do John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
A: They both have the same middle name.
Rick:
Same as Smokey the bear.
I suspect that the first joke any of us told was before we can remember. I’m assuming “joke” doesn’t have to equal “successful joke.”
Adult to 2-year-old Abraham: What’s your name?
Little Abraham, with a smirk toward his big brother: Karsten.
Or maybe it is a successful joke, because look how the rest of the family laughed.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
drum roll….
A stick!
What do you call a lady with one leg? Eileen
What do you call a Chinese lady with one leg? Irene
I’m sure these were not my first jokes, but the ones I remember most vividly from my childhood are:
Why did the elephant wear red sneakers?
To hide in a cherry tree.
Have you every seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Works pretty good, doesn’t it?!
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get the Chinese newspaper. Get it?
No, I get the Washington Post!
Brother and I in concession line:
Customer orders hot dog; gets corn-dog.
Brother reasons.
Orders corn-dog.
GETS corn-dog.
He’s mad.
I roar!
Mrs. Piper,
With all due respect, Smokey Bear does not have a middle name. It is a common misconception that his name is Smokey the bear.
Blessings,
Rick
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You are too young to smoke!!!
How do you know an elephant has been in the fridge?
There is footprints in the butter!!
Whats yellow and dangerous?
Shark infested custard!!!!!!
Want more? they can get worse!!!!
Probably not the first joke I told but your joke, Aber, reminded me of a family favorite that one of my dad’s friends and our neighbor (who loved little kids) used to tell us:
What time is it always in the dentist’s office?
Tooth hurt-y.
Rick,
Must be his nickname, I guess.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.
I don’t remember the entire joke, but it had to do with some lady snakes talking about a snooty neighbor. The punchline was “I can remember when Mrs. Pott’s didn’t have a pit to hiss in.”
I was five – and I couldn’t understand why my mother and grandmother were so upset by the joke.
I get it now!!
Why did God only make one Yogi Bear?
Because he made Boo Boo.
I’m really sad that I can’t remember.
The first one I remember reading was in a Muppets annual. It was Fozzie bear (Fozzie the bear? – controversial…) asking:
“Why did the crow?”
The punchline was “Caws”.
To be fair, it should probably have read:
“Why did the crow cross the road?”
My favourite joke is:
I hate the muggings around where I live. Last night I had to walk home via the supermarket. — You see, it’s the only Morrison’s. (Admittedly that joke worked better when it was Safeway.)
why did the chicken cross the road?
to see gregory peck.
First joke that got me started telling corny/dryhumor jokes (I was in 2nd grade):
If April showers being May flowers then what do May flowers bring …
Pilgrims!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No silly, cow’s go moo.
My 3 1/2 year old boys haven’t really got the humor part down, yet. But they do think that merely saying a word that describes a bodily emission is hilarious.
Example:
Them: Knock, knock.
Me: Who’s there?
Them: Stinky.
Me: Stinky who?
Them: Stinky poo!
I know. Not funny. But you should see them laugh.
I don’t really remember any of my jokes, but I do remember one of my little brother’s. He was about four years old, and a movie theater near our house was running cheap showings of various Charlie Brown cartoons over the summer. It was during this era that he first figured out the point of “why did the chicken cross the road?” jokes, and decided to put his own spin on it.
Brother: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
Mom: “I give up. Why?”
Brother: “To go see Charlie Brown.”
We all of course found this hysterically cute, but he interpreted it to mean that he was the next comedic genius of our time. Immediately he launched off again:
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“I give up. Why?”
“To go see Charlie Brown… and eat popcorn.”
And so it kept getting repeated, and kept growing — the saga of the chicken going to the movies. By the end of it all, it wound up something like this “…to go see Charlie Brown… and eat popcorn… and drink root beer… and wait in line to get in… and watch the cartoons…”
Our son’s first joke was saying or exclaiming, “Armpit!”…and we would laugh a lot, and tell our friends they had to laugh if he told them his “joke”. It really was funny, though, because he was sooo little!
Me: Hey, mom?
Mom: Yes, dear.
Me: It’s a good thing you named me Janet.
Mom: Why’s that?
Me: ‘Cause that’s what everyone calls me!
(She laughed. I’d read it in “Highlights” magazine.)
Three legged dog goes into a saloon and says, “I’m looking for the man that shot my Paw.”
Not my first, but I did it to my friends alot:
Me: I’ve got a great knock-knock joke, but you’ve got to start it.
Friend: Ok, Knock-knock
Me: Who’s there?
Friend: (Confused silence) Uh…
Me: Ha ha!!
I always thought it was funny.
to the name jokes…What do you call a woman with one leg?
Ileen
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and is in a pool?
Bob
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?
Stu
What do you call two superheroes run over by a steamroller?
Flatman and Ribbon.
I think it was one of the first jokes I ever got. Nearly died laughing.
Two jokes from the early days….
1. What’s black and white, black and white, black and white and red?
A. Two nuns rolling down the hill fighting with a chain saw
I don’t know why but when I was five or so I couldn’t tell that one without cracking myself up.
2. I once met a guy with a GIANT head that was about ten times too large for his body. I said to him….”hey, what’s with the giant head?” He said, I was walking on the beach and a lamp washed ashore. I rubbed it and a genie popped out. He gave me three wishes. With the first wish, I asked for a 50-foot yacht. There it is over there, isn’t it pretty? With the second wish, I wished to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world. That’s her over there, isn’t she beautiful? And with the third wish, and this is where I think I messed up, I wished for a head that was 10 times too large for my body.
Ahh…the stuff that five year olds find funny.
A sandwich walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some food. The bartender replies “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.”
My kids are right now reading every joke book they can find, (and, horrifically, reading every joke out loud; not every one even in ajoke book is a gem, let me tell you) but my all-time favorite from them (which they invented) goes like this:
CHILD: Knock knock
ME: Who’s there?
CHILD: Giraffe
ME: (expecting the worst) Giraffe who?
[silence]
ME: (thinking I didn’t say it loud enough) Giraffe who?
[silence]
ME: (thinking dear CHILD has lost interest) Giraffe who, lovey?
CHILD: (rolls eyes) Daddy, Giraffes don’t say anything.
What do you call two guys with no arms or legs sitting above a window?
A: Kurt and Rod
My wife worked at a camp a few years ago with a guy who was born with no arms. He told a lot of those no arms and legs jokes, and they’re much funnier coming from him…
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idear…
What do you call a paralyzed dear with no eyes?
A: Still no idear…
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef
What do you call a cow on roller skates?
Chuck wagon
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak
What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?
UTTER DESTRUCTION
What do you call a cow with no legs laying on the beach?
Sandi Patty
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Wherever you left him.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter, he’s not coming anyway.
Those I learned more recently, but my dad told me a story when i was really, really little that has stuck with me. First you have to understand that this poem comes from a day when people set their full chamber pots out on the porch at night for the poop collector to come empty. It uses some “bathroom vocabulary” if you may be offended.
The night was dark.
The sky was blue.
Around the corner,
the dookie wagon flew.
The wagon tipped over
a scream was heard.
A man was killed
By a flying turd!
You have no idea how much I love these jokes. Telling them to preschool age kids is probably my favorite thing to do.
Why does a flamingo always lift one leg?
Because if he lifted both, he’d fall over!
How much do a Pirate’s earrings cost?
A bucaneer.
What is a sea monster’s favorite food?
Fish and ships.
I can’t remember mine, but I remember my little brother’s first joke…
Q. What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?
A. 6 o’clock.
We still laugh at him 20 years later about the botched punch line and how he used to howl with laughter.
Owen: I had to put my head down on the table at the genie joke. Awesome.
So a cucumber and a carrot are walking down the street and the carrot isn’t watching were he is walking. He stops out in the the street and is hit by a car.
At the hospital, the cucumber is in the waiting room when the ER doctor comes out. “How is my friend?” asks the cucumber. The doctor replies, “Son, i have good news and bad news. The good news is that he’s gonna live. The bad news is that he is gonna be a vegetable for the rest of his life!”
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in its raining outside.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKlMl4II3_0
what do you call two robbers
A pair of knickers
The first joke I ever told was ‘Why did the chicken cross the road? Of course I was only 4 and my punch line was to get to the other slide. But hey, everyone makes mistakes!
yo mamma so fat that when she sits on the toilt the whole world spins
What kind of police would arrest you for chopping down a tree?
Special Branch