Comments on: If you don’t care about things that don’t matter, you can’t care about people.

By: small talk « my corner of the enchanted forest

small talk « my corner of the enchanted forest — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 10:08:26 +0000

[...] 23, 2009 the other day i saw this link on tom’s gchat status about small talk and it reminded me of the bf, so i showed it to him. [...]

By: David

David — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 19:01:56 +0000

I hate small talk — I hate having to talk about things that don’t require my action — I do not enjoy the “listen to my day” talk, unless I get to be a part of helping out, and the person doing the asking wants to be helped. If it’s just “I have this and this and this and this to do” and it changes absolutely nothing about my day, then why do I care!

But, I totally agree with this “pearl of wisdom” as someone put it. People, not everyone, but people in general, like to be heard and listened to. I suppose, by posting this, I am even asking to be heard. I find that it’s tough to keep friends, and continue showing interest in other people and who they are (wife included) if I don’t give some time and patience listening to what seems SOOOO boring.

By: Strolling ’round the links 12/03 at Between the Trees

Strolling ’round the links 12/03 at Between the Trees — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:04:17 +0000

[...] talks about superficiality being the foundation for meaningful friendships. Abraham Piper had a similar post [...]

By: Marny

Marny — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 05:35:56 +0000

This is me all over!!!! Arghhhhhhhhhh

By: The Truth about Small Talk « Lenae’s Back Porch Musings Weblog

The Truth about Small Talk « Lenae’s Back Porch Musings Weblog — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 03:38:55 +0000

[...] before going to bed was His message through Abraham Piper’s blog 22 Words where he posted If you don’t care about things that don’t matter, you can’t care about people. [...]

By: Katie Sullivan

Katie Sullivan — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 14:23:28 +0000

excellent, excellent, excellent.

As a task oriented, everything, every conversation has to matter type person, I have learned this the hard way. And, thanks to my humble and wise husband who pastors a small church, I have learned that the art of loving people sometimes means talking about the football game last night or the quilt they are sewing and simply just being with them. And that these conversations, not only pave the way for the deep conversations, but earn you the right to move beyond small talk.

By: Tim Truesdale

Tim Truesdale — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 11:23:27 +0000

Sometimes in small talk I see the manifestations of deep insecurity, poorly masked. So much small talk is focused on “self”, both as subject and as purpose. It makes me uncomfortable because it exposes my own insecurities.

By the way, wondering what “Small Talk for the Glory of God” would sound like? For sure, would be life-giving and transformational. Clearly something I personally am not capable of by my own strength.

By: links for 2008-11-21 - chrishubbs.com

links for 2008-11-21 - chrishubbs.com — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 03:30:10 +0000

[...] If you don’t care about things that don’t matter, you can’t care about people. « 22 Words Abraham Piper nails it in 22 words. And my comment didn't get flagged as spam! (tags: cjh_comment) [...]

By: Summer Blogging Mmm Mmm Mmm Bup Bup | bathgatesdotnet

Summer Blogging Mmm Mmm Mmm Bup Bup | bathgatesdotnet — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 01:23:32 +0000

[...] start with this: I used to take pride in my “inability” to participate in small [...]

By: Matt

Matt — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:25:59 +0000

Good point, Abraham. One of the author’s in Godin’s (edited) book a few years ago, The Big Moo, makes a similar point. He also points out that small talk often leads to other, “more important,” stuff which you wouldn’t get to otherwise.

By: Michelle- This One's for the Girls

Michelle- This One's for the Girls — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:13:24 +0000

Oh how I would love to share this with a relative who shows up at my house once a year at the holidays to hide out in the bedroom with his books and computer because he just can’t stand to chat with us.

By: Abraham Piper

Abraham Piper — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:11:07 +0000

And we love you anyway, Joey.

By: mollie

mollie — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:45:23 +0000

i hate small talk. but it’s only because i’m no good at it and i have a very strong aversion to awkward situations. the latter being my biggest stumbling block to small talk/loving people i’ve never met.

how does one overcome such an aversion?

By: Joey

Joey — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:35:19 +0000

I hate small talk.

By: Myrddin

Myrddin — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:01:25 +0000

I’m a really far cry from an anti-intellectual, but I think you’re wrong, Ben. And I think this is no small thing.

It’s so hard to convey, though … (sigh)

By: carissa

carissa — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 22:08:11 +0000

i used to HATE small talk. i kinda still do. but i’ve come to pretty much the same conclusion as you.

By: Barb

Barb — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 22:07:47 +0000

I think everyone is capable of engaging in “big” talk once they trust the person they are talking to and that takes small talk :) For some of us, it takes more small talk than others to believe that the person listening really cares.

By: Ben

Ben — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:23:05 +0000

It’s true, though I think being intellectually stunted and uninteresting — aka unable to engage in “big talk” — is ultimately a much greater flaw.

By: Chris T.

Chris T. — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:57:39 +0000

Great thought. Doesn’t every relationship have to start with small talk? I am a little freaked out by someone that bears their soul when standing in line at Starbucks.

By: chamblee54

chamblee54 — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:30:11 +0000

When I see myself agreeing with Frank Turk …Small talk can be a bridge, over the creek of not knowing someone.

By: Jeri

Jeri — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:02:00 +0000

Very good, Abraham. Thanks for this.

By: Myrddin

Myrddin — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:47:24 +0000

… but it is so hard to see from within the experience of addiction to talk of great things.

It makes me sorrow for the world.

By: Myrddin

Myrddin — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:44:16 +0000

Amen and amen. This is a great description of the same journey I had to go through.

I am still terrible at it compared to those who have a larger head start, but I have learned that there is a deep, deep joy springing from the love of other persons that expresses itself in the simple delight of listening to and engaging in small talk – talk of “small things.”

And I never knew how unloving I was to have elevated talk of great things like theology above small things like bread and wine and missing buttons and Runaway Bunny and guitar chords and …

By: Chris Hubbs

Chris Hubbs — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:33:49 +0000

Bravo. And ouch.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:25:15 +0000

Yes, Abraham. It all matters!
Our smaller matters plus our bigger matters equal the sum of who we are which matters monumentally.