Dec 30, 2008
Rejection as a service.
Like this post?
We should only ever tell someone “No” if it’s good for them.
That doesn’t make it easy, but it curtails the guilt.
(Rachelle Gardner says it better.)
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© 2012 Abuyo. All rights reserved.
I was just thinking about this in connection with teaching and with maintaining a high vision for the arts, for writing, for literature, etc.
I think a “No, this doesn’t cut it” (per R. Gardner’s post) is the only avenue through which a “Yes, this has merit” is ever of any value.
Hm.
No.
:-)
“We should only ever tell someone “No” if it’s good for them.”
No doesn’t have to be good for the requester to receive a no. ..Many times no is an acceptable answer just because YOU want to say no, and it dosen’ have to include a reason.
I think I need more than 22 words this time to understand what you are getting at…?
That is a very logical way of approaching confrontation, however guilt that stems from a sense of duty is not easily lost.
22 words!
I’m guessing Abraham saw the movie “Yes Man“
It’s okay to say “no” if it’s good for me, as well. To say it conversely: It’s okay to say “no” when something is unhealthy for me.
I might say “no” because of my boundaries, not for their good, and that “no” is legitinate as well. If I routinely have guilt (which I have struggled with) over what I say, it’s more important that I deal with the pattern of what is (very likely) false guilt on my part than that I deal with others’ responses to what I have said.
I didn’t get it said clearly! Your blog is an exercise in “disciplined writing” for me! My basic point is: If I clearly KNOW that saying “yes” is going to take me outside of what is wise for me, I do not feel obligated to first try to figure out whether my answer is “good for them” or not. I’ve had a life habit of instinctively trying to please people which is a killer. There is no way we can always know “what is good for other people”, and to use the assumption that we can know (or that I am always responsible for others’ responses) is going to get me in trouble.
Instead of saying “no” only when it’s best for the person, only say “no” in a way that is best for them.