Jan 14, 2009
I suppose the most worthwhile destinations are down roads you don’t want to travel.
Do any of you share this dilemma:
You want to be understood, but having to explain yourself seems like a tortuous impossibility.
* * * * *
© 2012 Abuyo. All rights reserved.
Just saw this post come up as I was reading my blogs and wanted to be the first commenter. Gee, I sure hope I make it!
As for this particular dilemma, yes, but most of the time it’s out of my own laziness more than anything else that makes it seem tortuous and impossible.
Yes definitely, the hardest is when i’m in a conversation with someone I care about but does doesn’t share the same beliefs… Completely different world views make it hard to to be understood
Yep. It’s caused me a few extensive arguments due to the misunderstandings that result, too.
yes, yes, a thousand times yes :). Either I’m really bad at explaining myself, or I’m just really different from most everyone around me. Probalby both.
Coffee helps me explain.
But oftentimes when I think of “explaining myself” what I really mean is “justifying myself.”
Yes, a tortuous impossibility.
Yup, especially in marriage, especially when I return from business travel. When that first quizzical look is returned for my words, my brain feels like it’ll explode and I ask myself, “Is it worth all the trouble?” It’d be so much easier to just say, “Nevermind.”
But it is a means of service to the Wife, and “Nevermind” is angry, selfish. She wants to understand. Serving her means explaining myself when I can, or sometimes, “Here, come see/read/hear/smell/feel for yourself.”
Yes, yes, yes. Sometimes I feel like something seems so obvious to me but no one else (hyperbole) seems to see it. Makes me wonder if its me or them. Reminds me of a song…”Oh my…am I here all alone?” Is the Emperor wearing no clothes or am I just being too critical? Maybe this isn’t exactly what you are tying to say Abraham…maybe I misunderstand.
ALL
THE
STINKIN
TIME.
thank you for making me feel understood, even if only for the duration of twenty-two words.
yes. all the time.
When I have complicated ideas I find a napkin, a pen, and an hour of one-on-one time help understanding.
This is why I make up my evangelism business card. It has the law and the lead up to the gospel on it. Salvation is not easy or understandable to those who have not heard it or have heard it wrong. A lot of times, I don’t have the wherewithal to elaborate but this guides them where to go initially.
yes. and more than half the time, i’m not even sure I understand what I am feeling.
Absolutely yes.
Every time I talk to teens…
yes, that sums it up perfectly.
I think Jonathan P is right on — usually I’m just trying to justify my actions OR I think my opinion is so important, when in fact, I should listen to the sound of crickets chirp and realize that my “understanding” is wrong.
Of course there are times when I might be right… but let’s be honest… often when we can’t explain ourselves we are often wrong in our line of thinking.
Unless of course you don’t understand what I’m trying to say here. Because I know I’m right. haha
Ashley says: “yes, yes, a thousand times yes :). Either I’m really bad at explaining myself, or I’m just really different from most everyone around me. Probalby both.”
ditto here.
that’s part of the reason i dislike debating about . . . anything serious. about a minute in, i get really tired and just don’t feel like bothering anymore.
other times, i tend to be careless (or really idiosyncratic) with my vocabulary so that only i know what i mean, and it’s difficult to retrace the thought process that got me there.
That “tortuous impossibility” is inexperience and pride talking. Thus, I guess, the title of your post.
Um, yeah I deal with the reality everyday. If only I could just make faces and use hand motions to explain myself.
Yes. I work for a PR team of articulate, outspoken people; I communication well in writing. Perhaps I should start posting signs.
Yes.
When my four-year-old daughter tries to explain something that’s difficult to get across, she usually ends up in a puddle of teary frustration.
When my two-year-old son tries the same thing, he ends up yelling the same thing over and over, louder and louder, with intense pointing.
I do both of those, for my part.
Yes.
Nicely telling my in-laws we didn’t want to receive any Christmas presents because we have everything we NEED and really just don’t need MORE — that went over like a lead balloon.
This year I just said nothing and let them do what they “needed” to do.
I wasn’t going to die on that hill.
Exactly the reason I married my husband…it is nice to live with someone who can figure you out when you are having trouble understanding yourself or at least explaining yourself.
I don’t understand…
We can’t always be explained or understood, but it’s such a trip trying that dilemma turns from tortuously impossible to delightfully adventurous.
I live in a haze
And I am to blame.
The truth should amaze
Yet on I complain.
For me, most of the time, the best idea is to keep my ideas to myself (ideas meaning things within me to be understood). That’s because most of the ideas that come to me with little or no effort are in self interest if not completely self centered. I want to change.
Regardless of the content and vector, if you will, of the feeling or thought, I usually have a pretty good grasp of what I’m feeling or thinking. And I really don’t mind trying to explain myself. Can’t you tell? But I think that’s a type of pride. See! My vision gets murky when talking about things for which I should be condemned. I really think I’m great. It’s worth the effort and exertion to make myself understood. And there’s the problem.
I like to be understood. But I’m so eager for the day when I’m totally free from sin so that I can see God unhindered. Jesus will make that day come.
Traveling a road with winding curve signs similar to ropes in knots is worthwhile if the destination is being understood and understanding.
“Being understood” oughta be differentiated from “having your thoughts/moods/interpretations validated or agreed with”.
Do I value being understood regardless of whether that leads to someone’s agreement or disagreement with me? Because *then* I can honestly say that being understood is a worthwhile destination.
If I am only willing to endure the tortuousness of making myself understandable when people back me up and agree with me, then it’s not really the “being understood” that I value so much.
It can be easy to conclude that someone doesn’t understand us, when they’re actually just disagreeing. We assume, quasi-Socratically (and proudly), that if someone really understood us, then they would see the same way we would.
Sometimes a “most worthwhile destination” can involve a “being understood” that leads to a healthy slap in the face, or being shown a different interpretation of an interaction than the one I’ve been mulling over.
–though I certainly am not one to knock affirmation and shared seeing! I’m largely preaching to myself with this response! *sigh*
That’s well said. And yes, I do.
YES
YES! But I will struggle to help find the words! :)
A tortuous impossibility. Great use of words. And yes, I can totally relate.
I took the road to the dentist today…the destination of getting a tooth filled is not pleasurable in the least but certainly beneficial in the long run! Both my in laws have had dentures since their 40′s.
Yet I will say that brushing, flossing, and rinsing DILIGENTLY has not resulted in a worthwhile destination due to the above road taken today. Grrr…
Yes, I do understand your dilemma.
Couldn’t agree more.
Soooooo many times.
And I think there is a big difference between the desire to be understood and the desire to justify oneself or to be validated. At least I know the difference in how they feel.
I find this all the time and I agree that its worth the journey all the same (as long as your reason and method for the explanation is other-person-focused).
yes, i can certainly identify with that…
“With every step of our lives we enter into the middle of some story which we are certain to misunderstand.”
GK Chesterton
Chesterton’s wisdom, taken as true, must mean there is the person in whose story we land, the one we misunderstand, and it might be you or me. The challenge: to risk when I am misunderstood…
This is the story of my life.
yes, simply, yes
Jason_73, are we related? Exactly! I agree with Myrddin, you said it perfectly. And Tara, apparently your family genes have the bacteria residing in their mouths, that will result in decay no matter what you do. Do you know someone who has NEVER had a cavity? If so, they don’t have this bacteria. Sorry. :(
Is anyone else out there freezing like Chicago? Surely you are Abe.
Yes! I think for me at least it’s the product of a longing for connection and a fear that if I’m not understood, I’ll be (or at least feel) rejected. While it’s often easier to be quiet, marriage is teaching me to share more often.
Yes, which is really difficult when your job revolves around being a communicator!