Jan 28, 2009
7 signs you talk too much and 3 ways to fix it.
Nobody always talks the right amount.
If your problem is one of talkativeness more than taciturnity, Marty Nemko’s article may be helpful.
(via Kottke)
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© 2012 Abuyo. All rights reserved.
I fear this may describe me. Is it worse that I recognize that fact, then draw attention to it as I ramble?
To NOT talk too much, do one thing:
Continually ask yourself, “What’s the point?!”
If you always have a POV, and you can, you won’t talk too much. You’ll state it, and stop.
@BertDecker
Where does he find someone who will listen without interrupting? This is a major problem in our Jesus happy culture.
Great article! I try to live by the words, “Brevity is the soul of wit.”
I would disagree with his assertion that, “Being long-winded is a sure route to career failure, indeed life failure.”
I know some very successful people who could talk a microphone to death.
As my hearing faded to deafness over the years, from an onset at age 16, I began to notice “talkers”.
People who are hearing impaired are almost always “talkers”. They hold none of the characteristics on the list. They talk, because they can NOT listen or hear like you.
Hearing the wrong thing may lead to an inappropriate or unrelated reply. In any given conversation, the more the hearing impaired talks, the less likely he will endure being embarrassed at hearing the wrong thing said and unable to reply.
But the need to communicate with anyone is just as strong for them as those who can hear.
So they talk.
Later, deafness will lead to isolation.
Things are not always what they appear.
And, there is a world of difference between hearing someone talk, and listening to them.
Apparently both are painful for many people to do, while the hearing impaired or deaf would give anything for the privilege to hear anyone, or better, listen to anyone.
Consider that the next time you meet a yakker. If your time is more valuable, skip the red,green, yellow light and hold your hand up as a “Stop” sign. They won’t hear that either, but will meet your needs for silence from that point on.
I remember my sister telling me “Danny, the song is Guantanamera, NOT One Ton of Metal”
We were kids. We laughed.
Adults don’t laugh as well in the same circumstance.
Let him with ears to hear, hear.
Danny Lucas, thanks for those insights.
I plead guilty to the 7 signs 60% of the time! I appreciate the author’s plainspeaking. When I’m dealing with personal foibles, vague nicetalk usually isn’t helpful.
In recent years, I find myself frequently choosing not to talk at all in group settings, because I do recognize that once I get started, I sometimes dominate the conversation in a way that isn’t good. Have trouble living in the gray area of conversational give and take.
Won’t heaven be wonderful.
Danny,
That’s fascinating. Thanks for sharing.
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As for the article, I don’t know about that 30 second, 1 minute, green, yellow, red light stuff. I think of myself as a listener AND a talker–not one or the other.
And I think that I’m sensitive to non-verbal cues.
But, I have NO idea how long my utterances typically last. Focusing on a 30-second rule when I’m speaking would be unnatural and distracting.
I’m generally inclined to taciturnity.
Excessive talk, especially tedious detail, is tiresome!
I think, “Like it even matters! ”
(Danny’s thoughts add perspective.)
[...] Abraham Piper passes along a probing article concerning signs a person talks too much and how to curb your talktiveness for the sake of conversation. I found myself lining up with. . .well, a number of them. See if Marty Nemko’s article hits you in the conversational gut. Posted in Miscellaneous | [...]
That’s a good article with some very easy, practical tips. So glad she didn’t recommend 30 weeks of counseling.
It also helps if you have friends who are not afraid to say, “Eat your lunch and give your mouth a rest,” which one of mine did when we noticed that she had almost finished her Panera soup and salad combo and I hadn’t started eating mine yet.
And you know they’re a real friend if they will go out to lunch with you again, which mine did:)
I remember reading a helpful idea for just those sanguine, chatty types: Only say every third thought that comes to mind. Likely every thing you say to me will trigger a story in my mind that I could share. However, if I only share every third story, you will likely like me more and find me more interesting. This feels mechanical at first, clearly, but when I shut up for a bit I find that you are so interesting that I am higjhly motivated to listen more much more naturally.
Now I start to panic when my conversation goes longer than 30 seconds.