Jan 30, 2009
Weird how the word sure can make us appear to accept blame when we’re really avoiding it.
Which of these responses to “You’re wrong” (or any critique) actually acknowledges responsibility?
Yes, I’m sure I am.
Or
Yes, I am.
* * * * *
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the latter.
Oouuoo! To be instantly so sure you were wrong could mean you knew you were wrong when you did it –right? Wait–I’m sure I’m right.
“Yes, I’m sure I am” sounds too academic- too removed. The latter sounds like it could be a person facing reality.
Definitely the latter.
I’ve puzzled over the word ‘sure’ before – it has a similar function in other contexts, making it appear one way while you might (probably do) mean it another. One I’ve never understood is when you meet someone new and say “I’m pleased to meet you”, and they reply, “Likewise, I’m sure”. Is it just me, or does this come across like the total opposite?
The first one sounds like the stereotypical husband/wife fight, where the wife is nagging and the husband is sarcastic, but knows who wears the pants.
W: You’re wrong.
H: Yes. I’m sure I am.
Again, that’s just a stereotype.
“Yes, I’m sure YOU THINK I am.” Is how I interpret the first one. It’s just as bad as, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” I’m guilty—I use that one when I don’t think I’m wrong but it’s obvious I’ve hurt someone.
What would it take for us to really admit when we’re wrong? “I was wrong for — (name it explicitly). I’d like to change by — (communicate steps of repentance to move toward). Would you please forgive me?”
i think that in our culture which is overly permissible of snide sarcasm, the use of “i’m sure” has come to mean it’s exact opposite. much like “i don’t mean to be disrespectful”, “this isn’t a criticism” or “no offense, but” all of which are a bald faced acknowledgment that you are about to do exactly what you are saying you will not. “i’m sure” implies a smug assurance of your lack of responsibility.
This is one verbal tick I insist my students not use with me. If I say, “Do you want to do X?” and someone says, “Sure” … well … that’s just not good enough. Do you want to do it or not? “Sure” removes clarity and therefore clear responsibility.
I use “sure” way to often to make people think I’m agreeing with them when I really am wanting to avoid committing to their idea.
A friend of mine is on to me, and calls me out on this.
Bless his heart.
But then, by acknowledging you were wrong, haven’t you changed your mind about it? That means you were wrong but are now right…
Sure
Changing my posted name to make room for a new Sharon to post without confusion!…. (Sharon, you posted at 1:31 today)
I’m the one that’s been posting for awhile, who talks too much, has strong opinions and sometimes has to make corrections on a post!!
My new name is a nickname my Dad had for me when I was very young (over 60 years ago now!!)
Because I usually use very common name tags on blogs or threads, I sometimes end up doing this so that “all the Sharons” and “all the Anns” can enjoy posting without confusing readers!:)
“I’m sure I am” is usually followed with, “but….”
Sure usually means with certainty, so it would make sense that the former is a certain admission of guilt; however, in our society it has become far too lackadaisical and much less definite. I think tone plays a strong part, too. That being said, I would tend to believe the latter if they were both spoken to me.
How about, “You’re right, I am.”
I’m pretty SURE that first one is insincere at best… but I’m not positively SURE about it…..
Surely the latter is real.
(Not counting this aside, a 22 word reply)
I’m not sure :) if I have understood correctly but…
I think the word ‘sure’ takes what you are saying out of the realm of solid fact and into that of personal conviction (implication being: I could, potentially, be wrong).
I think the advantage of this is that if what I say proves to be false I am merely shown as having been somewhat mistaken in that instance, or even deceived by someone else,
but if I state something as fact without the ‘sure’ disclaimer I lay myself open to the charge of being particularly unreliable or worse, a liar.
here’s a segue for you: this post reminds me of the thesis implicit in the play/movie of John Patrick Shanley- “Doubt” The whole idea of certainty is put to the test. I commend it.
Isn’t adding the word ‘sure’ often a a first step to reversing your position?
I’m right.
I’m sure I’m right.
I’m fairly sure I’m right.
I think I’m right.
I’m probably right
I might be right here.
I might be wrong here.
I think I’m wrong.
I’m fairly sure I’m wrong.
I’m sure I’m wrong.
I’m wrong.