Mar 23, 2009
Women don’t talk more than men (at least no studies show it like some claim).
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Sometimes in folksy marriage counseling, unresearched sermons, or dinner conversations we hear that women use more words than men.
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© 2012 Abuyo. All rights reserved.
Since I am a man I will keep this short. Women talk more than men. :)
My wife talks, I listen.
OK, I lied there, many times I only pretend to listen, but she is still talking.
(<;
I think some women like to talk during times when men would rather not. That’s probably where this all comes from.
The marriage retreat speaker this year (and last year I think) said the same thing. At our house we’re actually pretty equal.
So far I see three comments from the guys and none from the ladies. Men we better shut our yappers. ;)
Don’t even get me started
…about some men I know who can “talk a hind leg off a mule” without coming up for air…(or the women I know who can do the same.) They talk about different things and use different words, but the talk goes on…and on.
women seem to talk a ton more than the average man
- during emotional situations,
- when giving “feedback”/affirmation while listening to someone else,
- when a lot of women get in one room to do something girly
but in regular, mixed company conversation, or when telling stories, i’d say men probably have the upper hand. just my observation. :]
Abigail,
Funny you should mention a marriage retreat speaker.
The linked article traces the myth that women speak 25,000 words a day and men only 7,000 back to James Dobson and Gary Smalley.
I think Charles is on to something.
I know that I speak way more than my fiance does. And it is not because I don’t listen either, it is just because I know that I talk a lot. I agree, men talk more than women.
My wife is very quiet, saying nothing that doesn’t absolutely have to be said. (She is a very prolific e-mailer, however.) She is the textbook listener.
Sometimes the very things that attracted you to a person many years ago can become the things that irritate you later in a marriage. Quite honestly, that’s where I am today. I wish she was more vocal, more verbal, more communicative; call it whatever you want.
Of course, from her perspective, I simply never stop talking. There are times, I’m sure, she wishes I would shut up. Hmmm. Do you think there’s another website I should be telling all this to?
My football-coaching husband would probably be the first to disagree with those findings since he sits in meeting after meeting that can go 6 hours easy…while just talking about one base defense vs. offensive fronts…and then they’ll move on to the secondary. 16 guys in a room can generate a lot of words…when it’s something they care about! Give women the same topic and I bet we’d think women don’t talk much at all!
Perhaps then the issue becomes the topic and the company vs. a simple generalization. In general I speak a lot more words than my husband which just means that he feels like he communicates effectively with that amount of words. When more are needed…more come…just ask his players. A look says a lot.
I always heard that growing up – and supposed I was a girl, practically speaking. I never shut up.
Guess I’m a dude.
Anyone who knows my son and daughter would HAVE to say that boys talk more than girls…Tyndie is lucky to get a word in around Josiah!
Women talk more and men want sex more.
Yeah, right.
Both are true… stereotypes.
My dad can talk to anyone, about anything, for any length of time…..whether they are listening or not!
Thank you for this… verbosity is an individual personality thing that will vary wildly within either gender.
Oh, thank you! THANK you! Seriously, I’ve sat under so many marriage retreat sermons where well-meaning pastors claimed this. And then backed it up with a few choice verses from Proverbs about contentious wives and the need for bridling one’s tongue, etc. Sometimes I felt horrible after leaving those retreats.
Of course, these were the same men who would get together and argue arcane points of doctrine until the wee hours. :)
Maybe when men talk they believe they’re saying something important and when women talk we believe we’re saying something interesting.
Huh.
Always known this was true. Some men I know just won’t be quiet!
same with some women I know.
This is one of those studies where it just doesn’t pass the reasonableness test. Women talk more, it’s just a fact and everyone knows it.
Interesting how these stereotypes/myths/observations or whatever you call them get started.
And then get perpetuated.
How ’bout “white men can’t jump”?
Or “Tall, dark and handsome”…why can’t women like someone who’s short, pale and plain?
There’s a million of these sayings out there.
Seeing that they are potentially offensive and not always scientifically or statistically validated, should the Christian avoid using them altogether?
I just now came to the computer because I was trying to tell my husband a story that happened at work today – in the middle of my story he stopped me and said – “could you wait to talk later, there are only a few more minutes left in 24.”
It made me smile when I read Abraham’s blog.
I recall that Dr. James Dobson made this assertion before Louann Brizendine. In “Love for a Lifetime” he prefaced his comments by claiming “research has shown.” Of course he never identifies the research. I’m guessing it wasn’t true in his own relationship.
When I was growing up my Mom and I always stood around waiting for my Dad to quit talking at church so we could go home. Now me and my son sit in the van waiting for my husband to quit talking so we can go home.
I’ve heard it explained this way, and find it to be true:
If a man spends all day at work, and a woman is at home with kids (not having intelligent conversation), then she wants to talk when he gets home. He’s done talking. (After all, he didn’t get to watch tv all day.)
Couldn’t resist adding the last bit.
As a Communication Studies major, I did a very time-consuming research paper on this topic last semester. From my many hours of researching, I can say with confidence that the experts definitely side with Abraham on this one. Sorry, men.
Plus, it’s just nice to see some justice done to the stereotype that we women never shut our yaps. :)
It may be unfounded, but it’s certainly true of my wife and I.
This generalization can go in to storage along with the one (always spoken somewhere in a Mother’s Day sermon or marriage seminar context) … the “jokes” about how “all” women “just LOVE shopping”.
[...] You know how guys can seem to be such quiet, shy creatures from outer space? A lot of wives and girlfriends have secretly told me that they are quite the opposite when alone. Men can be quite the talkers, it’s true. [...]
My husband talks non-stop when out in public. He is so busy talking that he forgets to listen. I have to listen for him and tell him later what he did not hear.
Yet, at home, he doesn’t talk much.
Then, there is my son… he never quits talking! He gasps for breath at times because he talks so much that he forgets to breathe.
My daughter talks, but nowhere near as much as my son.
[...] the blog post here. If you choose to follow further links from there to the original study, be forewarned that [...]