May 22, 2009
If you wouldn’t make a kid feel ugly, fat, or stupid, don’t make them feel disfluent.
When you correct children’s language, it’s similar to remarking on their skin or weight or intelligence.
Do it carefully, if you must.
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Related:
• If you speak, you know grammar.
• Beware the oversimplification of grammar.
• How to deal with irritation at others’ grammar.
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I think it might be possible to do it out of kindness – but in the early stages of language learning, correcting someone has no effect anyway – you just have to model “good”/”grammatical”/”fluent” speech.
However, if you don’t correct them (with love), they remain ignorant. At what point does teaching grammar to a child become mockery?
to what kind of correction are you referring? A lot of my students have started saying “are you cereal?” instead of “are you serious?” I’ve tried to teach them what kind of language needs to be used in the classroom.
I think it’s ironic you used an obscure word to make this point… ;)
Very good point, though. As in most things in life, modeling a good example is far more effective than calling out mistakes.
Sometimes you must.
The best cure for bad grammar is more reading. In the same way healthy kids are healthy because they run around a lot, literate kids don’t speak like illiterate kids becuase they read and speak a lot.
Having marginally-literate parents helps, too. Kids learn by example.
I agree with the thought of “care” being given to correction, but is there really any doubt that “you must”?
Good reminder…we are raising our kids bilingual, and it’s so easy to over correct. My husband and I learned each other’s mother tongues as adults, so a lot more patience (and a lot less worry over “fluency”) is often warranted.
I think that it is more important to promote bidialectalism than just correcting grammar. Bidialectalism encourages speaking in multiple dialects- students should learn that they need a home dialect, a social dialect(s), school dialect, work dialect, etc. It isn’t necessary to kill a dialect as it is an integral part of each culture, but it is important to teach a student how they will need to speak in order to be accepted socially in our culture.
Besides, who is it that decides what “Standard English” is? Who can speak perfect “Standard English”? No one. Remember to keep the utmost of humility when correcting someone, because more than likely, you or I will speak ungrammatically while we correct them!
Really? I think this is a false comparison. The same rules that guide good manners should also guide proper grammar. It’s impolite to make personal remarks about anyone’s weight, intelligence or skin color (child or adult).
But as a parent it’s my responsibility to make sure my children learn to speak proper English. Sometimes this means correcting their slang.
This is enlightening their ignorance, not belittling their intelligence.
Does that make sense?
Elizabeth, I think you are on target about this.
To mock our children or make fun of them for the things mentioned above is wrong, so would mocking them for their grammar or over-criticizing them, but correcting them in their speech is essential to good parenting.
Abraham, so should teachers mark students papers when the write incorrectly?
I also raised my eyebrows a bit at the comparison. While I would not make personal remarks about a person’s body shape or general, fixed appearance, I would feel quite comfortable matter-of-factly pointing out to my child or a close friend that their tag is sticking up or they have a piece of food on their cheek.
For me, matter-of-fact correction, especially in the bigger context of ongoing loving interaction (by that I mean daily, life-at-home stuff) is not an insult or demeaning. I believe it is possible to make a helpful correction without it being insulting or or a put-down.
I think you hit the nail right on top of the head!
If we allow our children to speak poorly we are failing as parents. Failing to prepare them for life, for a career, for relationships, for corporate worship. Of course training should be done with love and care – just as potty training, table manners and catechism should be taught with love and care – but inarticulate adults are less likely to be hired, less likely to get raises, less able to share their faith . . . it goes on and on.
I would NEVER correct another child’s language (who wasn’t a student of mine) but I will consider myself a failure as a parent if my children aren’t able to articulate their faith and their own ideas clearly and appropriately.
The reason the comparison stands is that a lifetime of being told you don’t speak your own language right has similar (not identical) debilitating effects to always being told you’re not the right weight.
Now…
Parents are responsible to help their kids with their weight, but they sure as heck better do it in a way that doesn’t freak the poor kids out about being heavy for the rest of their lives and make them think they’re ugly or made wrong.
Of course, that’s difficult. It takes discernment and love, and you will screw up.
My point is that this same love, discernment, and acknowledgment that mistakes will happen, should be a part of linguistic training.
The problem with correcting grammar is whose grammar are you using as the standard? The grammar of king James era? Certainly not because we don’t use that grammar any more. Early 1900s? Outdated as well. 1980s? Nothing is tubular anymore. So really when we are correcting grammar we are just trying to make everyone else just like us. The way kids in middle school and high are talking and writing will be the correct grammar in 10 years because they will be the ones teaching it.
I took a linguistics class in college that addressed this issue. The professor suggested that to correct poor grammar, you can simply repeat the mangled phrase — in a corrected form. For example, if your child says, “They is going away,” you simply say, “They are going away?” as though you are asking for clarification as to what was said. No emphasis on “are” or any ridiculing — just a simple offer of correct grammar.
Sara, I think that is totally appropriate. At least I hope it’s a good idea, because we do that around our house a lot. :)
I would just say that that kind of correction is more for the parent who can’t resist fixing “mistakes” than the kid.
The kid is going to pick up that “They is…” is ungrammatical (assuming he’s learning standard English) whether mom and dad offer subtle corrections or not.
Language is like walking: we the parents can do things to encourage it to happen, but kids are gonna do it whether we help or not.
Linguistically and ambulatorily, we’re really not as important as we sometimes feel like we are.
Walking is natural; good posture is learned.
Language is natural; good grammar is learned.
I wanted to understand what you’re getting at so I had to look up “disfluent”. And I think I’m tracking with you.
Every child processes slower than we do, has a harder time putting thoughts to words, has speech that breaks up, stumbles, etc. Anything that calls attention to their lower ability is akin to the other things you mentioned.
If I understand you right, you’re not talking about the failure to teach them correct speech or grammar. You’re talking about not calling attention to their lower skill level…not mocking them for what they are learning.
I think the sweeping statement of “When you correct children’s language…” is where the post reaches beyond the word disfluence as I can find it defined. All correction is not mocking or calling attention to something they can’t help. All correction isn’t insulting…though it can be. Dividing line would be in our hearts, wouldn’t it, just like the rest of my parenting.
Abraham:
I don’t disagree with your post, but I’d be curious to see the proof that “a lifetime of being told you don’t speak your own language right has similar (not identical) debilitating effects to always being told you’re not the right weight.”
Link to a scholarly article or book?
Would teaching your child to correctly say the name of our President by repeating it fall in this category? I’m just sayin’
Ha! Good call. I won’t claim to be perfect here.
I was relentlessly corrected about both my grammar and weight as I was coming up, and I have never once categorically associated these experiences. Perhaps that’s because the grammatical corrections were ultimately a great boon that set me apart from my peers and quietly made my performance superior in so many ways that I could never have imagined would matter to me. The corrections did, in fact, correct and improve my grammar and syntax, and made it possible for me to get into schools and obtain work that less capable communicators could not manage. It’s not about slang, no matter how current or obsolete. It’s about knowing when slang isn’t appropriate, and how to communicate without it. All that said, some people have more of a natural facility with language than others, and no amount of correction is going to make a dyslexic into Daniel Webster, so you might as well love the strengths of that child into some kind of compensatory force.
But poking at the tush or tummy… ugh! What good did that ever do ANYone? No comparison…
Please correct them when they are little…while I’m sure I have made some grammatical errors in conversation as an adult…I just about go crazy when I have to visit with someone describing what “they seen”. It is far more embarrassing to be corrected on your grammar as an adult than as a kid (by people who love you) still mastering the language, in my opinion.
ahhh, i like katiembrewer. good comment. ;]
and Shannon, i’d guess that if an adult is still saying “they seen,” it’s probably part of their dialect, not a personal quirk. you might not like it, but it’s most likely not just them.
Abraham, how do you pronounce “bag”, “wagon”, “flag”, “brag”, etc?
While teaching the phonetic sound of the letter ‘a’ to my daughter, I’m getting (humorously) frustrated by the negative effect that MN is having on my efforts.
Does one’s region, culture or origin have more influence on what is correct grammatically in the English language? Maybe terms, idioms, and word usage are just more accepted rather than correct.
Correcting grammar as children are learning should not be seen as anything more threatening than reminding them to keep their elbows off the table or making use of a kleenes when they need it.
Treating children as this delicate and easily offended really makes it more likely that they are going actually be delicate and easily offended as adults.
that would be a “kleenex”, of course, which is actually quite similar to a “kleenes” in both design and use
As a speech language pathologist and frequent reader of this blog, I thought I would weigh in here. If a preschool child has a fluency problem, I regularly suggest that the parent not draw undue attention to that stuttering behavior. I tell them to gain good eye contact and wait patiently for the child to speak whatever is on his/her mind. We all have moments of dysfluency when we are tired or overly emotional, etc. Impatient parents/adults who belittle or rush a child through a stuttering episode will most likely make the behavior worse. For a child with a language or speech issue, I will correct by recasting their statement as Sara F. mentioned earlier. Correction of language and speech is absolutely necessary and loving if done in a safe environment and with compassion… “Truth in love”.
I guess I try to correct my child’s grammar whenever it comes out incorrectly. I do so in a patient, loving manner.
To do otherwise, I believe is not in their ultimate best interest. I’m not worried about giving them a complex now as long as I am persistent about reinforcing their worth in both God’s and my eyes.
I strive to create an environment in my home where the trust and care is so obvious that corrections about grammar and other behavioral issues do not inspire doubt or a sense of inferiority.
My parents normally corrected pronunciation and grammar when my siblings and I were at home, but not in public unless we asked. As much as reading may help grammar, it does not aid pronunciation, especially on words like “bungalow” and “calliope” that I read in books but did not hear in normal conversation.
At about age five, one brother exasperatedly asked my mother, “Why do we have to speak English? Why can’t we just talk Oklahoma like everybody else?” Her reply? “I want you to be bilingual, dear.” As adults, the four of us do speak both “Oklahoma” and Midwestern English and appreciate our parents’ efforts to teach us.
Side note: Now we teach our parents how to use slang in context. Mom’s favorite phrase is, “I’m jiggy with it.”