Jul 7, 2009
“People change” shouldn’t be why folks divorce. It should be how they stay together.
Divorcing because your spouse isn’t the same person you married anymore is curious.
More troubling would be if they are the same.
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Sometimes I feel pressure (from within) to be the girl I was: 19 and so happy.
The suffering of the past 9 years has changed me, but has only deepened my appreciation and love for my husband, who still gets giddy when I smile.
Agreed.
Although i think the exception would be when “people change” translates into the person you married having suddenly revealed themselves to be someone unrecognizable to you – as in, has decided to not only cease believing God (troublesome enough) but also that the only way to make the marriage work between the two of you is for it to be an open relationship (absolutely unacceptable).
That’s the situation in which i found myself.
I am thankful I am not the same person – and I’m sure my husband would agree!
That’s a great point. I don’t have anything else to say, but good point.
My thoughts immediately ran to the Megses of the world — those for whom, “People change” is far more radical.
Certainly I embrace your point in general, Abraham, but there is room at the edges for “people change” to be, though not a flippant reason for divorce, a reason for reasonable separation at the very least.
word
If anyone will/can share their perspective on this topic with relevant scripture, I would really appreciate it. I have a hard time discerning where Christian/popular culture begins and God’s Truth ends.
Hi KD:
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
The issue is not that the person has changed. It is that they refused to change. As in not growing up together.
Greg hit the nail on the head.
“People change” (or “we drifed apart”) is just another way of saying “I don’t want to work on my relationship.”
“Divorcing because your spouse isn’t the same person you married anymore is curious.”
As someone who was divorced for 6 1/2 years, after being married 12 1/2, and then remarrying that person after God’s good work was done in both of us (just celebrated 25 additional years in January)….I would maintain that anyone who gives this as a reason isn’t telling the truth.
It’s just easier to give a “palatable reason” rather than being honest enough to give real reasons (which usually aren’t even identified).
Particularly in the Christian community, it’s actually quite easy to get Christians (in terms of conversational interaction) to agree with and validate divorces…for the stupidest reasons.
It seems that a couple decades back, Christians became so “careful” about avoiding legalism that they started ignoring truth.
The reason we got divorced (as I review) was because of my own sinfulness and self-centeredness. Did I have a “list” of things that made it “his fault”? You bet your 22 words I did! And every time I shared them with “a Christian friend”, I just got the BEST support and encouragement you can imagine, as they praised my “Christian divorce”. Yuk.
Excited over you last paragraph! I agree. It seems like one hears everywhere that Christians are not supposed to judge but yet we give our judgement on the reasoning for “christian” divorces all the time. That makes me sick…YUK!
Seventy times seven, even in forgiving your spouse. That’s where the real challenge of living what you say you believe comes in to play. In the interaction of the closest relationships we have, we display what we believe to be the truth of God’s Word.