Aug 6, 2009
Do difficult times make you more or less empathetic? For me the answer is both.
Some struggles I’ve faced make me more understanding of others.
But sometimes I feel like: “I got over it; why can’t you?”
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Nice. Just kidding. Two thoughts:
1) Believers vs. unbelievers is huge here. You can’t expect nonbelievers to act like believers. No Savior, no motivation, no help. So, compassion for them is a must and the only answer to begin to deal with anything is salvation. However, with believers, you can and should hold their feet to the fire. Of course in a compassionate way at first with building confrontation as they try to wiggle or moan their way out of accountability. Then, we need to help them the best we can or help them find someone more appropriate to help them.
2) I think that the world generally views us (the Church) as uncompassionate, hypocritical, judgemental meanies. (That is when they at least don’t think we are crazy or mentally deficient). As much as we can do to change that image for the glory of God, the better. Your dad has convicted me severely of this over the past year, listening to some of his old sermons.
To sum up: Don’t baby anyone. Be kind and loving. But, most of all, don’t forget what you were saved from and the wretchedness that still exists in your flesh. But for the grace of your Savior, such might have been you.
By the way – I love your blog. The 22 words thing is a great idea. Unfortunately, I’m not bright enough to be so succinct in my thinking or communication.
Blessings.
Not to be a jerk but …
Isn’t there a real contradiction or perhaps just an unintended irony in acknowledging that “I think that the world generally views us (the Church) as uncompassionate, hypocritical, judgemental meanies” after having pained unbelievers with such a broad brush(“No Savior, no motivation, no help”)?
What view of the human person is it that would spin out this kind of equation when addressing empathy in struggles?
Myrddin,
I think you went right over my head, or I didn’t make myself clear. For sure, I did generalize about unbelievers. What I meant is, that our help can be material and of earthly good and maybe give people a glimpse of Christ. But, in the end only the gospel can offer the help that everyone needs. I absolutely did not mean, if they aren’t believers, don’t help them because they don’t like us anyway.
I apologize if this came off as mean spirited or lacking compassion. My intention was totally the opposite. That’s what I meant when I said, not to forget that every believer once…Eph. 2
And to the main point, what a sharp diagnosis, Abraham.
Such a good question. I went through a very severe illness a few years ago and quite literally almost died. Since that time I have become both more compassionate and less compassionate to people who are ill. I feel like I make a stronger judgment between whining and suffering. Now whether that judgment is right or no, I don’t know. And it’s probably not for me to judge anyway. :)
two people experiencing the same circumstance ISN’T the same necessarily. it’s two DIFFERENT people experiencing the same circumstance.
are you only empathetic with people who respond the same way *you* would/did in a circumstance? or do you have tolerance/empathy/patience with people who respond to pain differently than you?
to answer your question for myself, i’m generally an empathetic/sympathetic person. if i can’t understand why someone is reacting to a situation a certain way, i think about it a lot and ask questions (if possible) until i can understand.
I nod my head to agree in your direction.
Plus, anyone who’s been on the other side of the attitude that says, “I got over it, why can’t you?” knows how unhelpful it is in “getting over it.” (not saying you’ve done that to anyone Abraham, just a general observation).
I think one of the main things (not the only thing) people need, who are in a difficult situation, is simply acknowledgement that it is, in fact, difficult.
I think when the situation is self-inflicted, I’m less sympathetic.
I’m praying for a heart that is more soft and skin that is more thick, rather than how they are now. Which is the opposite.
BTW, jennapants is probably one of the most genuinely emotionally compassionate people I know.
Sometimes it’s easy to be so clouded with my own pain, grief or hardship that I view others’ pain, grief, or harship as frivolous. Or I am so distracted by my sorrow that I don’t take time to acknowledge others’ sorrow. This is when I feel guilty for lying in my self-pity, depresive state and realize there is more to life than me and my hardships.
On the flip side, sometimes I feel an instant bond with someone beacause they’re sharing the same difficulties even if there are slight differences in the situations.
One thing I have learned in the past two years of losses is that it means a lot when others are empathetic to my loss by sending a meal, cards, flowers, etc. So, in the end I am trying to work on being more empathetic to others by reaching out to them in some way even if I don’t know them very well. I do want the Lord to use my hardships for good.
I feel that way about life after death obsessed Jesus Worshipers.
Is there an etymological link between arrogant and air head?
Speaking of life after death, I’m just starting Randy Alcorn’s book Heaven and very convinced on the importance of being much more focused on our life after death. What did you mean by that, Chamblee?
To the post, yes. I’ve been very un-empathetic lately to someone who’s going through something awful that I went through before. I’m thinking, “It’s going to get worse before it gets better. What you’re in now is nothing, wimp.” Jesus, help me!
I feel the emphasis placed on life after death is mistaken.
I disagree with the Jesus worship beliefs on life after death.
Thanks for the reply, chamblee.
I think I’m either inexperienced in “the emphasis placed on life after death” debate/issue (?) and “Jesus worship beliefs” or just don’t understand what you’re saying.
Either way, I know I can’t wait to be in that place with that person!
This is starting to get off topic.
I suspect you have never questioned the concept of acquiring life after death through beliefs.
Both.
yeah–I think both is a good response. If I’m going through a tough time, I need someone that understands a bit, and also will give me at least a nudge to keep me from being completely stuck in my sorrows.
I try to remember that other’s pain is just that – pain. And even if it seems miniscule compared to what others have suffered, it’s still their pain.
This has been a helpful Word from our gracious God to me this week:
“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:3-4
My empathy is directly proportional to their whiny-ness. If the person consistently describes their problems in hyperbolic language, I have a tough time feeling for them. On the other hand, I try to remember that my pain threshold might be different/higher than theirs.
we lost a child a few years back, my wife was diagnosed with MS, we almost lost her to an illness and 2 surgeries about 2 years ago and i am writing this response in the waiting room at the hospital while she is having a surgical biopsy b/c of unknown spots in a mammogram.
these life experiences have had 3 effects on us. 1. placed us in a position to really trust God and rely on him.
2. made us more empathetic towards others. more compassion in some areas. my wife is now a lay counselor at church.
3. caused to not be the best at responding to the hurt that some experience. there are times we lack grace. at times when others share what we see as easy, no big deal struggles we think to ourselves – “get over it, that’s nothing” or “come on, it can be worse. don’t know why you are struggling with this one.” not the best response, but a real response.
those are the life lessons/responses that we have had to where we have been. God is continuing to refine and grow us…sometimes though we get a little tired of the struggle to get where He is leading.
The more we see our own sin (and God’s great love for us still), the more empathetic we become.
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