Comments on: After their spouse dies, why do men tend to remarry sooner than women?… Or don’t they?

By: Melissa Smith

Melissa Smith — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 13:26:46 +0000

I am a kid-less newlywed, but it would seem to me that widows (women) with children, probably have a much harder time dating because of the priorities and responsibilities that fall on them. Whereas, I think men don’t have that same responsibility. Life at home might be important, but not necessarily their primary role. Therefore, they feel the freedom to go out on dates much more than women.

I have seen this, especially with my parents after they divorced. My dad was much quicker to get out and date than my mom. My mom could occupy herself with the home & not feel the “ready-ness” to get out and pursue another.

By: Frank Martens

Frank Martens — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 20:29:08 +0000

I think guys have a bigger sense of loneliness. Honestly.

By: Debbie P.

Debbie P. — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 09:47:57 +0000

I agree with this and wonder if it also a supply and demand problem again.

The first time around is hard enough for a young christian woman to find a husband in churches where the woman to man ratio is at least 3 to 1.

What about the “older” woman with kids? How much more difficult is that? A younger woman is more willing to marry an older man with or without children taking him out of the dating pool but is a young man just as willing to date and marry an “older” woman with or without children?

interesting discussion!

By: 'Guerite ~ BoldLion

'Guerite ~ BoldLion — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 21:03:31 +0000

MMMM!! That is a good question! My mama passed away in August of ’92, and they had been married 40 years of great wonderful marrige.

Then my daddy married again within 2 years later, and that was a very bad marriage until he passed away in Apirl ’98. His second wife wasn’t faithful to him and wasn’t with him during heart surgery or implant in June of ’95. Nor wasn’t with him when he had a stroke.

I was living with my Dad when he remarried and got kick out by his second wife. I had to move in when she left him, and no one to take care of Daddy. Then I had to move back home to take care of him when he came home from heart attack and implant surgery. Then she kick me out again when she move back in a year later ’96. Then she moved out early ’97 again. He was living on his own and remain faithful to her since he didn’t believe in divorce. Then Nov ’97, Daddy gotten sick from flu shot, and then I moved back home and kept my old place and was looking after him and found him with the stroke. Then he went home to be with the Lord.

Being married second time can be a blessing or a curse.

Man like to be married and woman can live without that.

Hungry to eat His Word,
‘Guerite ~ BoldLion (single for Christ)

By: Men Quick to Remarry? « Not A muse

Men Quick to Remarry? « Not A muse — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 06:05:37 +0000

[...] 15, 2009 at 6:04 am · Filed under Marriage After their spouse dies, why do men tend to remarry sooner than women?… (via 22 [...]

By: Ruth

Ruth — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 05:20:08 +0000

I’d be interested to find out if a never married man would be less likely to choose to date/marry a widow than a never married woman would choose to date/marry a widower.

And how often do men and women who have both lost spouses end up marrying each other?

Not sure if there are stats on that. Just curious.

By: Lindsey

Lindsey — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 03:05:34 +0000

I think a lot of the above comments have a lot to be said for them, and I bet those are factors in many cases. To expand on one, though: the pursuit thing. Yeah, in a model where men tend to do the pursuing, if a man sees a widow he’s interested in knowing better, he might be pretty hesitant to let her know in an effort to be sensitive. He just isn’t sure she’s ready and he doesn’t want to be a jerk. But if HE’s the one who lost his spouse, he knows he’s ready and he can go ahead.

So the stats really do support that men remarry earlier? Is there a big gap, even?

By: Andrea

Andrea — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 22:07:24 +0000

My mom was widowed at age 50 which is actually quite young within her circle of friends. For the past 16 years she has invested heavily in her church, missions work, friends and our family. My personal opinion from watching her start a ministry to help other widows is that women need deep relationships but can form those with friends and family members (children & grandchildren being the biggest). It’s not that she doesn’t want that special someone always by her side. She is very lonely, but she also finds joy in using this season of her life to serve others. She continues to discover God’s purpose in taking my dad home so early in life. And I can honestly say that she would be doing this whether she was widowed or not. But I think if the roles had been reversed, my dad would have remarried sooner. Maybe men don’t find as much satisfaction outside of the husband/wife relationship.

By: JenR

JenR — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 12:38:01 +0000

I have wondered about this. If I ever broach the what-if of my death with my husband, he looks like he was punched in the gut and says something like “Oh Jen, lets not talk about something that might never happen”. Me-I have an entire plan if something should happen to him. Maybe b/c if I die, he just has to find childcare, but if he dies, I have to completely rearrange my life as a stay-at-home mom. That could take years. We have lots of life insurance, thankfully.

By: Faith Barista | Bonnie

Faith Barista | Bonnie — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 07:24:10 +0000

Adam needed a helper. Eve just needed a babysitter.

By: Phoebe

Phoebe — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 06:58:23 +0000

I’m sorry, Richard. God bless you and be with you…

By: Heide

Heide — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 03:32:45 +0000

I agree with Amy to an extent – there is generally a difference in the support systems that men and women have, but women can be lonely too. I think Ben has hit on something as well – men can do the pursuing. Maybe it is not that the women do not want to be married again, but that they don’t pursue another spouse. I am in my 30s and single but it is not because I don’t want to be married.

By: Richard

Richard — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 03:03:45 +0000

I am 32 and have been widowed for 8 months. I have to agree with Amy. My wife was the only one I could confide my deepest feelings to, without any fear of rejection. Now while I’m going through the hardest thing that I have ever gone through in life, I have nobody.(except Jesus) My 6 children ages 8 months to 11 years need somebody to be like a mother to them. I will be overjoyed when the Lord gives me a sweet wife again!

By: Kara

Kara — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 01:25:40 +0000

Okay…so maybe I’m morbid…but we’ve dealt with some death in our family in the past year and I’ve even thought that if I knew I was going to die …I’d tell my husband I’d want him to remarry if God brought along the right person. It makes me sad to think of him alone…the kiddos without a mom…I might even write her a note before I died. I guess…after a few brief, sporadic, episodes of single-parenting 4 kiddos…I know I would want him to have somebody on his “team”.

By: Susan

Susan — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 23:53:32 +0000

I think it comes down to opportunity and life circumstances (within the providence of God) for both men and women. I was widowed in my early 30s in 1992 and, in the providence of God, was just remarried 2 years ago. No one was more surprised than I was (in fact, I still am!)
It wasn’t for lack of desire to marry earlier–although my first husband and I had been happily married for not-quite 11 years–but I was busy raising my daughter (age 4 when her dad died). Plus, we homeschooled (doesn’t exactly put you in the company of eligible men!). I have an acquaintance who, to the best of my knowledge, is still single, although he lost his wife in 1990, also in his early 30s. In my experience, men who are older (think empty nesters or retirees) tend to remarry sooner (I think Stephanie’s comment above is perhaps operational here) than younger men. That said, when you are waiting for God’s provision of a mate, his timing is the ultimate determinant.

By: Myrddin

Myrddin — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 23:19:37 +0000

I think it would hold up statistically, however, that women are also less in need of remarriage, probably less eager for it as well.

By: Myrddin

Myrddin — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 23:18:06 +0000

Agreed. But I’m still trying to think up some kind of smart aleck remark :-)

By: Amanda Beattie

Amanda Beattie — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 21:51:08 +0000

I was going to echo BenHoak… I think some women could be frustrated by the question of, “Why don’t you just get married again,” because in all traditional models, they need to wait to be pursued by a man.

By: BenHoak

BenHoak — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:29:46 +0000

It’s also easier for a man to pursue finding a new spouse — he can pretty much start looking whenever he’s ready.

Unless a woman is the type to ask guys out (and most Christians probably aren’t), she has to wait until a guy shows an interest in her, regardless of when she’s ready.

By: Scott

Scott — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:09:02 +0000

I agree with Bryan (except about the DG part).

By: Carol

Carol — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:05:00 +0000

Some of it is just a matter of numbers — women live longer, so there are more widows out there.

By: Bryan DeWire

Bryan DeWire — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:00:39 +0000

You have a great husband! It’s been a joy to work with him at DG.

By: M. Taylor

M. Taylor — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 19:27:50 +0000

You took the words right out my mouth Frank. It’s exactly like and error proof formula for prime numbers.

By: M. Taylor

M. Taylor — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 19:19:53 +0000

I think you’ve got it nailed with both points Amy.

Regarding a husband confiding almost exclusively with his wife, I see that with my dad and I see it in myself.

By: Melissa Parnell

Melissa Parnell — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 19:07:02 +0000

I wouldn’t want to get remarried b/c I don’t think any one else compares (or maybe that no one else will put up with my all crap quite as well as he does). :)