Nov 3, 2009
What do you think of small groups? I’ll give you my take, then let’s hear from you.
Small groups are to Christian community what regular date nights are to marriage—helpful (even necessary) for some, but hardly universally essential.
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I don’t think the members of a church will ever be intimately close with one another the way Christ expected us to be close and come alongside each other without small groups. Going and sitting in a pew one morning a week for an hour or 2 isn’t going to really connect you with your fellow church members. I think Christ intended more for the church than that and I certainly think He wants us to be involved deeply in one anothers lives in preparation for the times of suffering, struggles and persecution. The extended family doesn’t really exist anymore for these purposes; besides, true family is the family of Christ.
Exclusively sitting in the church pew as a means of rich community is not what Abraham is getting at I don’t think. True community within a church must occur beyond the hour we’re at the service, but to assume that it most happens for the hour we’re in small group is misguided as well. It should go well beyond both.
“It should go well beyond both.” Good man, Tyler!
My closest/deepest relationships were not formed within the programmed format of small group.
Maybe it’s a female thing, or maybe it’s b/c of my personality but I have very deep, very meaningful friendships—where we’d lay our life down for each other in a second—and none of them were formed in a small group.
Too many people assume that small groups are good at “going deep.” I think it depends on the *people* in the small group as to whether it’s gonna go anywhere.
Yup!
Amen!
I have SO many thoughts on this, but here’s just one…
Sometimes, I struggle with the question, “what are your prayer requests this week.” My close friends (some of them in my small group) KNOW my prayer requests and praises.
Knowing each other’s praises and petitions flows from genuine relationship.
Jenna, oh…that’s a great point. I’m with ya.
A formal small group program may in itself not be essential, but the interaction among people outside of Sunday gatherings is. Beyond a small group, a church needs to foster the relationships that lead to the “one-anothers” that are essential to growth and accountability. And those relationships need to be across lines of demographics.
I’ve been involved in a formal small group and an informal loose gathering and each provides a place to grow, to mentor, and to be mentored.
Well stated Ed. I imagine this is going to get very interesting as the day goes by. You wouldn’t be motivating us to think outside the box would you Abraham? LOL
I think that small groups and regular date nights both are a reaction to balance an unbalanced lifestyle. Both are needed to the degree that the thing that they produce is not happening naturally due to the way we live our lives. Neither are mandated in the bible but both are designed to help us do what the bible teaches us we should be doing.
Excellent point!
Hmmmmm. Another thought. I have never exhausted the scriptures for verses that might be related or pertaining to small groups. That’s a good assignment. I certainly know Matt Chandler’s take on this, being that he speaks on it often.
The college church I lead worship at has heavy involvement in small groups and they have helped many people come together and form deep, meaningful, and serious friendships to encourage one another towards God. I think the most important aspect of them is the relationships that are built. We have gender-specific groups.
I’ve always felt that formal small groups tend to be too regimented. They often feel like, “Let’s just get through this just so we can say we did it.” Certainly, not all formal small groups are like that, and I do see the benefits of a coherent small group. When one is working efficiently, you have this completely Bible- and prayer-saturated group of people willing to do anything for one another, and if all formal small groups could get to that point I would be completely sold out for them.
I guess what I think is the best way to grow in a intimate relationship with fellow Christians is a completely candid group of people who love being together and can talk about any matter. This sort of group has proven to be the most beneficial in my past. I love sitting at Panera Bread with Harper for hours talking about what I believe theologically, or talking with Brandon and Ryan about our differing theological views while we walk the streets of Winston-Salem. These conversations are candid, not regimented, and with people I love being around, and they result in me either having to defend what I believe or learning about something I had never heard before.
I’m not sure how a church could foster such a group, but I just think formal small groups are not quite where the close Christian relationships can be best grown.
No, they aren’t necessary – the way eating healthy isn’t “necessary”, but there are consequences to not doing it.
It’s easy in a large congregation to avoid confrontation. It’s easy to ignore, or fight, what’s happening in your heart as a result of the preaching. It’s easy to avoid getting to know people. Countless important, essential things can be totally avoided if you stay out of a small group.
I don’t think they’re absolutely essential to being a believer, but why would you -not- be involved in one if it was good?
I dont know if commenters are differentiating between small groups an Sunday School classes, but if they are, here is my take. Small groups, at least as done in most churches I have been in, are very difficult for parents with small children. CHildcare is always an issue, and at best, 1-2 parents miss each time b/c they are watching kids. Small groups tend to meet over bedtime, which can be difficult for tired and cranky little kids.
We get our close connections through Sunday School, volunteering with stuff at church (when one parent stays home), church potlucks, etc. As a SAHM, I also do a lot of with kids small group kinds of interactions.
And if it is the intentional discipleship aspect that is missing, I have not been in a small group yet that has really done discipleship. And I get accountability from other relationships.
I think your analogy is good, but I disagree with your take. I think that intimacy is essential (in your marriage and in your church community) but like many comments are saying, “small groups” don’t have to be the only way to create the community. They are; however, like the date nights to a marriage, a great forum (small scale, families doing life together) that can create community, but like anything else what you put into it (along with other people) is what comes out.
In summary, small groups are a great vehicle that may help create community, but are not in-and-of-themselves the answer: merely a tool.
“Small groups exist because community doesn’t.”-MT
Gabe’s been talking about this too (after hearing Ed Young last week). I have mixed feelings.
Its hard to call it necessary for sure (like most have said here). But unless your regularly communing with other believers it would be pretty necessary for most of general church attenders I would think. Its hard to imagen someone who would be willing to just be around people in their family one day a week. But on the other hand if you have a family that only gets together to watch tv and never speaks it isn’t worth the time to carve out. Same with a small group if you need it and all you do is get together and put on a show. Its not worth it for those needing a true relationship with other believers.
(I like Charles Vanderfords take)
Good Post Abraham
I don’t think “small groups” are necessary, but I do think Christian community (intimate and personal an not disconnected and corporate) is necessary, and I think the New Testament supports that.
100 reasons not to be in a small group: http://vimeo.com/6320135
My 22 word reply:
Small Group for women is a lot like Bunco. Just replace the Dice with a Bible. Keep laughs, food and the friendships.
THANK YOU, ABRAHAM PIPER!
And Molly? I love you like a sister even though we’ve only met ONCE in person.
That’s my kinda small group. :)
All relational things aside (which is an important part of small groups to me) – I really think that small groups/home groups will be the way the church survives persecution of the church as a whole. When we are no longer able to meet in church buildings, we will need the core groups that are formed throughout each community to continue the work of Christ… Any thoughts?
This is why I’ve started attending Christian conferences. The content is usually richer, I’m noticing I’m developing real relationships and even discussing personal issues with the people I meet there, I usually get either free books or free tee-shirts (or both)… now if I could just figure out away to attend a conference every week. And to bring my kids.
Now that’s some good kingdom strategizing!
Your response was only six words… I feel short-changed.
I’m sorry it took me this long to respond to this, but have you considered that the Christian Conference circuit has the potential to defeat, or rather “work against” what God’s purpose for the local church may be?
See http://takeyourvitaminz.blogspot.com/2009/10/christian-conferences.html
My take on it is that what is essential for the believer is to be involved in real christian community. Small groups are often an excellent forum to develop that depth of relationship that is too easy to avoid (especially in a large church).
I once heard small groups referred to as “on-ramps,” which makes sense to me. It’s an opportunity, but you can’t stop there. To really get to know someone’s heart and struggles, you have to pursue them beyond the formal gathering, whether those gatherings potlucks, small groups, or corporate worship.
Hate ‘em. They’re too often a poor substitute for genuine community.
The way the American church often does small groups helps us intentionally disciple others(as opposed to haphazardly doing it). They can also be community shaping (i.e. not just/necessarily create community, but help form how the community relates).
Small groups can achieve these things in a variety of ways/formats. I’d be interested to know, of all the perspectives, what small group experiences have shaped those perspectives.
Perhaps you need to define “small groups” for us. Jesus believed in developing relationships through small groups. Of His many followers, He chose 12 for His small group. Beyond that, He chose 3 for special relationship. Then there was the “disciple Jesus loved.”
That being said, I believe that community is a sacrament and is essential to being the church. I believe Small Groups are an expression of community and like everything else we do, are flawed. I believe it’s a shame when churches emphasize Small Groups as a process and lose sight of the purpose.
Our “groups” are figuring out what it would mean for us to actually live our lives committed to one another. Both so that we can “one another” each other but also to open ourselves up to a form of accountability, commitment, and oneness that is analogous to the type of relationship that marriage is. It’s a hard thing to do.
I’m in a small group, and they’ve actually become my closest friends in the church so far. Maybe that’s because I’ve only been at this church for about 1.5 years, and in small group for about 9 months.
It would be helpful to me to hear how and where people have met their very closest friends in their churches if not in small group. Are you serving together somewhere, in a larger Bible study, or what?
I can enjoy “small groups” where you hang out with friends, eat food, have intelligent conversations and play games.
Not the kind where people sit in a circle and ask “so what did God teach you this week?” and everyone gives the cliche answers, and then sing a few romantic songs to Jesus.
At our church we call our small groups “community groups” to make the purpose very explicit. Some groups discuss books or articles, some eat and pray, some do more traditional bible studies, but all know the purpose is to build community. Our church doesn’t do programs, so it is a place for people to plug in and connect. In our busy lives, some people NEED carved out time to be with other Christians and build community. Others find it more organically.
My meaningful relationships in church haven’t come out of community groups necessarily, but they are places where as a family, we have been cared for. Because our community groups are purposefully mixed with different ages and stations, I have enjoyed getting to know single people I wouldn’t otherwise have connected to. And my children (5 and 4) love the people in cg and vice versa.
If you are going to have a church with lots of programs, I think small groups can be redundant. It depends on what the goals of the church are and how the leadership wants ministry to look.
“Hardly universally essential.” I agree with that, especially if it means the organized structuring of resources by the church leadership. We need a lot more talk about what is essential and what is not. However, you can preach the need to reach out and nurture relationships and hope it happens spontaneously in your church, but that is probably not enough (especially for a large assembly). There certainly are “some” that tend to get lost in the shuffle.
I agree that the form of small groups isn’t essential, but they may be essential in large churches to provide the essential functions of accountability, discipline and biblical fellowship.
First, a disclaimeer: my husband and I are currently in a church small group, and it’s worked out well and we really like it.
That being said…
I think church small groups CAN be a great tool for bringing believers closer together — particularly in a large church where it’s hard to get to know others well. And I think the concept of being in close relationship with other believers is essential to the Christian life (Rom 12:10, etc).
However, I hate the “because you signed up on the same sheet of paper as these 10 other people, you are all going to be the best of friends and share your deepest thoughts and hold each other accountable, etc.” and “only officially-sanctioned church small groups count as small groups” mentaliies that seem so prevalent. So programmed and formulaic.
So…I think churches should OFFER them to those who are looking for relationships with other believers while also recognizing that sometimes the best small groups arise more organically.
Also, I really am not a fan of the term “small groups”. Think about it. SO Christianese! :)
p.s. – by “small groups that arise more organically” I mean “friendships”.
Also, I’ve got a *LOT* of baggage when it comes to this issue (I had to restrain myself from delving into it more in a comment!), so I’m glad you brought it up! Good topic.
Similarly, I don’t like how our church uses “rate of small group participation” as an indicator of church health/growth. Our church keep pushing the idea that everyone who attends the church needs to be in a church-sanctioned small group. It bothers me because I’m worried that our church leadership seems more focused on the number of small groups and the number of participants rather than the content and depth.
We did the small group thing for a couple of years and didn’t like it for the most part. The church advertised heavily for them on Sundays so there was a revolving door of people and as such was nearly always awkward and painful with no real community or committment. Is it possible to gain authentic community with a new group of people every few weeks? I want to like small groups because I want authentic Christain community…I just haven’t had many positive experiences with them.
I feel very strongly that it is a good and necessary thing for believers to be in regular meeting and communication with other believers. Heb. 10:24-27 makes it an issue of life or death, so it isn’t wise to take it lightly.
Heb. 10:26 is the reason why we should not neglect meeting together, and stirring up one another to love and good works.
v. 26, “For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving a knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgment…”
Unless they’re a very rare type of Christian, any Christian has to be in regular fellowship with other believers to even keep believing. Left alone to their own way of thinking, with no exposure to biblical truth or the “prying” of other believers, you will almost certainly wander off into sin and be a minimal, just-existing Christian.
I hope this isn’t coming across too strong. I kinda hesitate to hit the submit button, but, here goes..
Univerally essential, no. But speaking as someone that is without a Christian family or partner, I find them somewhat more than useful for my faith.
I think that small groups enfold people who don’t (can’t?) naturally build community. There will always be people who can find and build deep community without help. Organizing a system of focused, purposeful small groups is for the well-being and discipleship of the many others.
Without small groups, as planned and sometimes stiff as they may be, I think that a good part of the church would have less genuine fellowship, less thoughtful bible study, less opportunity to grow in the gifts of the Spirit, less other-orientation, less community.
I have been in many groups over my 28 years in the Lord and point to them as a primary reason for my growth. In the early days, it was just learning the bible, learning to worship and seeing what faith looked like on others. But as time went by, groups were where I learned to teach and serve and pray for others.
I have met and established good friendships in groups, but more to my point, it is in them that I have grown to love people who are different than me; people I would never have cared to know or invest in otherwise. I am that kind of person who could have good community without an organized structure, but it would be far more me-shaped.
I often feel tired and like I’d like to avoid going before group; I almost never feel that way on the way home, having seen the Lord in the midst of community.
I, for one, am richer for having shown up week by week.
I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head right now. I feel really blessed to have a close small group. In one evening of meeting, we can go from laughing hysterically about something funny to switching gears to discuss the sermon to crying with each other as well as bringing up difficult things to each other. This didn’t happen overnight, of course. I feel really blessed to know that any one of these people would do anything for me and I would do likewise for them. I have close, intimate friendships outside of this small group, but this small group has been such an important support system in my life, that I can’t imagine not having it. Sometimes I think it depends on people’s personalities…some do not like being in a group setting. I felt like that at first, but I discovered that having a mix of relationships is essential to my growth as a person spiritually and socially. Relating to many different types of people can make us well-rounded. Better to endure the initial awkwardness than to blow it off. I agree with the people who say that they have made meaningful friendships through volunteering in the same things, but there is just something about the vulnerability of going to a small group and sharing your heart with people that really binds people together. This does not mean you have to share every intimate detail of your life, it just means that you share and carry each other’s burdens. No one is making you speak Christianese or act like Ned Flanders. That is being co-dependent, if you ask me. :-)
I think the answer is, “if not this, then what?”
Community life is a necessary part of the life of the local church — that’s an unquestionable attribute described by the book of Acts (and the letters to the Corinthians, and the letter to Titus, and Ephesians, etc.). The problem, of course, is contexting such a thing. Here’s how it seems to me: if we don’t do relational things intentionally in our culture, we wind up not doing them at all.
We had a 90-day discussion about this among my class in my previous church, and many people thought that doing something this intentionally would make it hokey and impersonal. Then we did it for 90 days in a very structured way, including structured prayers and structured fellowship (fellowship around a planned event), and we never wanted to go back. I admit that the structures were not totally rigid, and that we were flexible about timing, but the fact is that when we had something to put in our calendars that we were committed to for the sake of each other, we all grew from it — and started to make room in our lives for each other.
That’s the point: make room in your life for other people with whom you will grow in the faith. Acts 2 it up with them. You need it.
Very well put.
Totally agreed.
A well led small group contains more of what “Church” is supposed to be then most large Meetinghouses (places where the Body of Christ gathers) will ever be able to provide.
That said, there are a number of factors that often happen, that essentially mean that this small group is NOT “Church”:
1. Groups that are “closed,” while likely helpful in many ways, are not truly “Church”.
2. Groups that study books other than the Bible are not providing quality “Church”.
3. Groups that limit who can attend by age or position in life, are not providing quality “Church”.
hmmm, some thoughts off the top of my head.
I grew up in a Church whose membership was around 50. We essentially were a small group. We knew each other, warts and all, and had no other place to run to. Perhaps that helps “Church” to happen better.
Forced small groups, ones where people must find one & stick to it are almost always intimidating, awkward, and unauthentic.
Small groups formed from relationships & community that is already in place can benefit the body, adding structure and consistency to the human tendency (self absorption/lack of discipline) to “just wanna hang out”.
Small groups certainly can foster community. But that’s not the only aim for a small group. A healthy community–small group or otherwise–ought to be missionally minded, engaging in acts of relevant service and gospel sharing with their neighbors. Perhaps the reason why small groups fail is because they make community the end and not the means.
I’ve tried several small groups. I like supper clubs much better.
Small groups can be great for fellowship (the old-school word for community) and evangelism (the old-school word for missional). However my old-school grandfather was married for 62 years and never had a regular date night. He was one of the most godly and engaging men I have ever known although he was not part of a regular small group meeting (I guess a family of 18 is a small group).
Small groups should never be confused with the deep, organic fellowship we have with our closest friends. Small groups are simply bite-sized portions of a larger church where we seek to carry out the one another commands with other believers. We ought to expect some awkwardness in them because, like any church, they should include some people we would likely never choose as our intimates, but who still need to be loved and cared for, especially the needy who we naturally shy away from. And we need something in our lives to put us near to them because those people require a kind of sanctifying love from us that is rarely if ever called out of us with those with whom we share a natural chemistry. SG’s can be hard because loving one another can be hard.
Should have read your post first and shut up. Amen.
wow, that’s a great point. Hadn’t thought about it from that angle.
Thank you…you put into words what I was trying to say earlier.
well said!
so, what about those who feel other sg ppl don’t need their love and they are not loved? especially after years of trying to fit in, shall they keep trying forever or is it ok to quit?
I agree…I have seen too many people pass through BBC that would not be selected for “deep friendships” off the bat — perhaps they are shy, perhaps they are embarrassed because of a struggle in their marriage or family life — and yet these people need community just like those that form quick, deep friendships with others easily without the “prop” of small groups to make it happen. If we all just called our natural friend groups “small groups”, we’d end up lacking the diversity of the real body of Christ…we’d have a group of “intellectuals” meeting over here for a book club, and a group of “feelers/expressives” meeting over there for a support group, etc, and the shy people would slip right through the cracks altogether.
Which isn’t to say that the above points regarding “forced community” aren’t valid…it’s true that being in a small group can be painful and awkward at times, but it’s how we deal with the hurts and awkwardness that reflect the glory of Christ in our mini-church communities…and sanctify us as well. God calls us to faithfulness in His body, which consists of many members He has redeemed for His glory, and not a painless community that we ourselves have formed for our own comfort. (Which doesn’t mean that every small group will be a great “fit” — sometimes it is time to leave –, but it does mean we need to be able to trust God with the imperfections of our small group…I am preaching to myself here as I struggle with judging my small group’s imperfections rather than seeking to BE a good small group member).
Just some thoughts…
For someone who has never been in a small group, and from afar, views small groups as the solution to the lack of community she experiences…these are really interesting perspectives to read.
We spent 3.5 years in a church that had a few “small groups” which were totally unstructured–meaning, at least in our group, it was not fellowship. It was Christians socializing. (I think there is a huge difference.) We’re now in a different church, and there are no small groups at all. We’re finding it really difficult to connect with people and build community. Our church even has a half hour of social time between SS and church, plus a potluck every Sunday, but it seems to add up to a whole lot of small talk. My thought has (had) been that if there were small groups with more structure, more clear expectation of going deep, doing discipleship/accountability together, it would be more likely to become a reality than if we think it’s going to “just happen”–because in my experience it hasn’t just happened.
All that to say…it’s interesting to hear so many people assert that small groups aren’t the answer.
Do not ask what your small group can do for you. Ask what you can do (for your brothers & sisters) in your small group.
I think small groups are just about essential. For many of us, that’s where our gifts are most needed.
I’m glad Jon Bloom posted before i did. He was much more pastorally sensitive. :-)
I was going to say something like:
If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly. (Chesterton)
The essential part is having obligatory dysfunctional relationships with Christians you don’t like. The obligation part is easy to circumvent outside of a small group.
Unfortunately for me, everyone in my small group is awesome. ;-)
Ross, I just want you to know that you have a free pass to say whatever you want to me and not be pastorally sensitive.
the statement itself is true, but i think the meaning behind it is skewed.
yes, just like a marriage, if a church doesn’t meet in a smaller way (small group, cell group, whatever), then at the end of the day it is still a church, still a body of believers, still in Christ, still Christ’s body, etc. in the same way a husband and wife are still a husband and wife.
but, to have small groups set aside is as universally essential to the HEALTH of that church as the marital time set aside, aka date night, of a marriage.
sure, a church can be a church w/o small groups and a marriage can still move on to the next day of marriage w/o time set aside for each other, but in both cases the health of the subject in question will be left wanting.
For me the question is not “How do you define small groups?” but instead “How do you define universally essential and for what?” I would say baptism, nor communion, nor church attendance are universally essential for saving faith, but are they essential for living a Christian life, maybe. Not that I put small groups in the same list, but I can’t agree that they are not essential unless I know what you think they are unessential for. That would’ve taken 24 words though.
obviously something that God intended to be wonderful and enriching in our lives can turn stale and ineffective due to our own sins and failure to be faithful to our walks. but that goes for everything. sunday services, small groups, singing praises, even reading the Bible. but if people are honest with each other and genuine in wanting to hone each other, then small groups become something that is necessary.
after all, God did not create us to be alone. and saying that you can grow without a community seems wrong to me. it’s like saying “maybe i need God, but i don’t need others for this”. in that sense, i find this new fad about online churches a little off the mark. i know the intentions are right there, and i’m sure God will work through even e-communities to change lives, but as for me, i want to grow through the struggle of making myself vulnerable to people. the internet would make it easier for me to distance myself from other people, and effectively putting up a shield between me and others.
I agree.
I have had my share of positive and negative feelings from small groups. They serve a purpose BUT THE GREATER PURPOSE of our Christian lives gets put on the back burn when so often our small groups turn into social clubs that meet for 3 hours and only 30 minutes (if that) are designated to Bible Study. And the even sadder part is that this Bible study usually consists of looking at a book that some famous Christian writer/speaker wrote and not even opening the pages of the GREATEST book ever!
I am not saying that I am anti-small group, but small groups today function as self help groups for Christians and there is no self in the christian life. We are to die to self and focus on Christ and what He has done for us not what we can do for ourselves (We can do nothing for ourselves).
Just my thoughts.
Ruth
to add to the above stated comment – I think mentoring and disipleship one-on-one is missing and it is an integral part of our growth.
A-Money,
I find most small groups are just very unsexy.
-b
I’ve experienced growth by being in a small group. They give me a better opportunity to be more honest about my self and more caring toward others, than if I were simply meeting people in the halls or aisles.
Just show me another way to regularly practice James 5:16, and I’ll consider it.
Here are some of the thoughts I had (while doing dishes tonight) about your post. I think there are so many ideas and variations on small groups that it’s hard to really agree or disagree with what you say. I think that for the most part here in the U.S., small groups are probably thought to be more helpful than essential, but in restricted countries the ‘small groups’ are necessarily essential. (is that proper grammar?) I wish we had more of a ‘persecuted, closed-nation’ mentality when it came to the importance of a purposefully spiritual gathering with our brothers and sisters. Maybe if we did, small groups would be seen as essential for instructing, equipping, consoling, teaching, fellowshipping, strengthening, praying, dying well, living well, rejoicing together etc. I’m probably off topic, but my thoughts took me there :)
I’ve never been in a small group and other than reading these comments, don’t really know the reason for them. Build community, grow faith, keep each other on the right path is what I’m getting out of these comments. I do have a question. Do small groups have to be formed by people in the same church? Seems to me that if friends got together for these reasons it would have a better effect. I’m not sure I would like being appointed to a group of people I really don’t know. This is way too long,sorry.
Personally, I have been in three different types of small groups.
!) My senior year of high school, a group of guys at our school from different churches met at one guy’s house one morning a week and discussed Scripture.
2) At my childhood/adolescence church, we had “Sunday school”: groups that were divided by specific (for school-age) or general (for adults) age guidelines. These met on Sunday morning in the hour before the service, and they all studied the same curriculum (sans school-age, who studied age appropriate curriculum). You could be a member of the church without being a member of a SS class; those were really for more in-depth study.
3) I am in college now. My current church is a “cell church”: a church that is based on small groups, which we call Lifegroups (LG). The only way to really get involved in the church is by being in a LG. I’ll elaborate more like this in a separate, non-threaded comment.
Of these, the second didn’t work very well for community; the first worked relatively well; and the third works very well.
I must add that this is not exhaustive of the types of small groups; these are just the types I have experienced.
Small groups – I agree that they are great for some and not necessary for others. We have been involved in the past and are living without a formal small group (and thriving)in this season.
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As I mentioned in my reply to Keith (see a couple of comments up from this one), my current church (at college) is a “cell church”: a church centered around small groups called Lifegroups (LG). Each LG meets weekly at a scheduled time at one of the members’ houses. LGs are grouped together several times, essentially like Israel’s 10s, 50s, 100s, and 1000s (ref. Jethro/Moses); this keeps the church from being just a bunch of small groups that affiliate with each other.
An important thing about our LGs are that they are built and grown by relationships. Generally, someone you know will invite you to a LG, so in most cases, a visitor already knows at least one person. LG meetings are segmented into several different parts: fellowship/breaking of bread (5-10 mins), icebreaker (get-to-know-you activity – 10-15 minutes), presenting the vision of LG (usually using Acts 2:42-47 – 5ish minutes), worship (20ish minutes), study (usually rehashing and discussing points from Sunday’s sermon – 40ish minutes), and ministry/prayer time (groups of two or three going in-depth about stuff – remaining time). All in all, it takes around 2 hours.
This format works very well. Highlights of each part:
Fellowship: new relationships can form and good friends can catch up.
Icebreaker: tends to calm the nerves of new people; and helps you find out something about everyone.
Vision: ensures that we know what the point of LG is, keeping us from getting off-track.
Study: you can talk if you want, or not if you don’t want.
Ministry time: people don’t have to share the depths of their souls with the whole group. We pair ourselves up, so we can be with someone we’re comfortable with. Also, we do guys-guys/girls-girls to avoid awkwardness.
Also, for our Family Zone, children attend with their parents. I don’t know exact logistics. The children are also involved in their own age-appropriate LG with an adult leader.
Over time, the LG will grow (hopefully). Once about 20 people are showing up regularly (weekly-ish), the LG will multiply: it will split in two, and two leaders will go with each half. They then become two distinct LGs. This keeps it small enough for close relationships to be formed with new and old folks, and for visitors to not feel overwhelmed.
There is also a one-on-one discipleship system within the LG system. To use the Israel analogy, members of the 10s are discipled by 10s leaders, who are discipled by 50s leaders, who are discipled by 100s leaders, etc.
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This comment has gotten very long, and I just realized that I never answered the original question, or what seems to be the question posed by commenters. So,
1) Good community is essential, whether it is in a structured small group or not.
2) Small groups are good and can accomplish their purpose if they’re done well. Obviously, I think that my church does it well. :-)
perhaps you are right
the only thought I’ll add is that in the book of Acts we see that the believers met together daily.
if we can meet, we probably should.
if we can’t, we shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
Our small group has been the physical presence of God’s love. Couldn’t have made it through the last 2 years without them.