Nov 5, 2009
The problem with disliking Jesus-is-your-boyfriend music is that Jesus is (y)our boyfriend.
I’m uncomfortable as anyone with Christians being Jesus’ lover.
But that’s my fault. I shouldn’t blame those who thrill to this metaphor.
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Theme based on Derek Punsalan's Grid Focus.
Interesting reflections in contrast to this at John Stackhouse’s blog:
http://stackblog.wordpress.com/2007/09/16/jesus-im-not-in-love-with-you/
I would agree that whether one likes something or not is their problem but what if it is found to be unbiblical? It might not be damnable herrisy but I don’t see it found in scripture. I think that songs we sing go beyond what we like and makes us feel all warm and fuzzy.
If it’s false, it’s false…absolutely. But that’s true in any genre.
I agree with ya there.
I don’t see the “Jesus is my boyfriend” styling as a particular genre though. The main problem with the type of song we are talking about is how unbiblical the words are or are not. Now I haven’t heard every song there is to hear that would fall into this category but all the ones I have heard are just bad theology.
I get your point, but I think the problem could be that there’s a difference in the connotations of “lover” and “boyfriend” and there are implications that has for your view of Christ. Just a thought.
actually, both interpretations give me the creeps. I’ll go with Joe Rigney here below saying that Jesus is the husband/bridegroom of the church, not of individuals. Jesus as my lover? No thank you. Jesus as my savior? Yes please.
Point of clarification: Jesus is not the boyfriend; he’s the bridegroom/husband.
And he’s married to the church, not individuals (yes, I know that the church is made up of individuals, but we should keep our metaphors straight).
To your second point: I was very particular to not say that he’s the boyfriend of anyone in particular.
you mean persnickety
Zing!
The problem with the Jesus-is-my-boyfriend perspective is that it tends to give rise to “prom songs to Jesus.” Our worship still needs to be more robust than that. Did you read Bob’s blog yesterday (http://bit.ly/3WA616)?
I didn’t read his post yet…
But you’re right, of course, that there can be lame songs in the JIMB genre and that music needs to be more robust than just that.
My point is simply that the genre as a whole shouldn’t be discarded because you and I get the “homoerotic creeps” as Stackhouse put it.
It seems to me that whenever something gives us the creeps it should be an indication that some sin exists within us causing it. Just because something doesn’t sit right with me doesn’t mean that it is not right with God.
I don’t know about you but I’m not going to presume to tell God how he should or shouldn’t be worshiped.
True statement. Thanks for the thoughts.
I agree with everyone else: boyfriend isn’t the same as lover (or husband)
You’re right. Boyfriend is actually far less weird and uncomfortable. Since (at least in a conservative Christian framework) there’s no sex involved.
what decade are you guys living in? boyfriend has “no sex involved”?!?!? even with the “christian framework” caveat that is a dubious statement.
Even if you’re a Christian, you’re still sexually attracted to your boyfriend or girlfriend, thus making it a sexual relationship in some sense.
The current one. He specified *conservative* Christian framework. While it is true that many “Christian” couples no longer hold to such a standard, many DO. (And personally, I think it’s just that more people are calling themselves Christians than actually live it.)
I do agree with Jared’s statement though.
The problem with Jesus is my boyfriend songs is that they are usually cheesy music with bad poetry sung by guys who are heavy-breathing into the microphone. Theology aside.
Completely agree. But that’s lame in any genre.
yep.
i always end up imagining the process the musician went through to come up with the song. it’s kinda like the way i throw a chili together with all the standard ingredients.
Maybe because guys think of being a “lover” = having sex?
I know male’s brains are wired differently, but generally females tend to think of being a lover in less physical terms = less icky.
My favorite Jesus is my boyfriend song is Love Song for a Savior – Jars of Clay, but in general I don’t appreciate the pop genre which tends to produce these songs. I wonder how Project 86 or Flatfoot would interpret a boyfriend song.
I don’t think the problem is with the metaphor per se, but the fact that an overwhelming majority of modern Christian songs are so preoccupied with it, to the exclusion of things like the fact that Jesus is the preexistent Son of God, will rule the nations with an iron scepter, etc etc.
Also, the degree of schmaltz that is sometimes included. The Jesus-as-bridegroom metaphor in Scripture doesn’t really ever get very sensual. Paul never says anything about Jesus’ fragrance being intoxicating, for example.
(I know some will point me to Song of Songs. I think it has things to say about Christ and the church, but only by implication, as it’s first a poem about human romantic love.)
I always wonder why we don’t have more smite my enemies in modern Christian songs. David sure sang a lot about it.
I don’t even like secular “boyfriend music” – so making it a prom song to Jesus is like asking me stick a red hot poker in my eye and enjoy it.
I just can’t.
Ted Dekker’s Circle books paint a vivid word picture of Jesus as lover. Not without flaws, of course, but the idea seems more tangible through his writing than through many songs that are out there.
I heart Ted Dekker!
But Jesus isn’t my boyfriend, or anyone else’s for that matter. Does scripture use the analogy of Jesus as romantic lover anywhere except in regard to him as the groom and the church (not me personally) as the bride?
Unless of course you read Song of Solomon as an allegory, which I don’t.
Ditto to what Barnabas wrote.
I’m not opposed to the message behind “Jesus-is-my-boyfriend” songs, but I really like dislike their composition.
^ whoops. should read “dislike”.
“Boyfriend”? “Fiance”? I’m genuinely confused why we would even search for any name or title to apply to Him that He doesn’t apply to Himself? Sorry to be so dull, but why exactly are we asking this question?
He didn’t apply any description to himself in our language, so discussing the different options we have available to us in English seems reasonable to me.
Being persnickety, I’d say fiance is more to the point than boyfriend, if we were trying to find an equivalent idea to “bridegroom,” and engaged is more close to the idea of “betrothal.”
Main reason? The intent of marriage is inseparable with being engaged. Thirteen year olds, in our culture, don’t have a fiance.
agreed. as one currently engaged, i both prefer this to any sort of “boyfriend language”, for various reasons others have already expounded upon.
and for me, being engaged has really opened my eyes to how we’re supposed to feel about the 2nd coming. i want my wedding to be here now, and with even greater desire should i want Him to be here right now.
Agreed, we can apply REASONABLE latitude where translation is concerned. Please be careful NOT to run afoul of the context, however. Is “Bridegroom” the best translation? If so, let’s stick with that and not pretend that “boyfriend” or “fiance” are synonyms; or else please make the case that they are. Your suggestion at #7 that I should be find “boyfriend” less weird than “husband” is the thing I’ve found most weird so far. The level of commitment associated with “husband” is vastly more comforting to me than that of “boyfriend”. Why does everything have to come back to sex in this culture?
I was unclear. I would never use “boyfriend” in a translation. I just think it’s fair to use it in a conversation, when we’re trying to get at how to sing about Jesus.
Thanks for the clarification. I wasn’t sure, but was questioning in my mind whether you might be suggesting that “boyfriend” is a reverent and accurate translation of numphios, and I’m no scholar, but I was betting that was a poor fit. HSAT – my question remains, why (even in conversation) would we want to use a word for Him that He didn’t use for Himself? He gives us so many beautiful expressions of Himself, why trouble ourselves to improve upon that list? Maybe the question I’m asking is… do we dare?
A husband is different than a boyfriend. JiMB songs lower our views to a less common denominator rather than raising our views to how we should be as the bride of Christ. It is like comparing a great love song of depth and committment with a shallow ditty of how great my girfriend/boyfriend is.
“lover” and “Boyfriend” are just strong, hyperbolic terms used to lazily stereotype people. You can include “prom songs to Jesus” and a few other terms used already.
If you have a problem with people having an affectionate relationship and using certain terms then discuss that. But the non-sense accusational terms eliminate any sort of conversation before it starts.
Wow.
Stereotyping song lyrics is not the same thing as stereotyping people. Not the same thing at all.
This may be the first post of yours that made me want to retch – actually, I think I threw up a little in my mouth.
Thanks for that.
“And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer will you call me ‘My Baal.’
And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.” Hos. 3:16,19-20
I have less beef with Boyfriend Jesus music than I do with a genre that is called “Christian Music” or “Contemporary Christian Music” or whatever. I think it’s really misleading for a lot of Christians.
1) They think, “Man, it’s way too difficult to figure out what ‘secular’ music I should or should not listen to, much less decide for my kids, so… oh thank God! Here’s a Christian Music genre… whew, now I don’t have to struggle with the principles that Paul laid out in so many of his letters.” It’s such a tempting cop-out.
2) It subtly allows Christianity to be defined by… whoever is producing this music… which we don’t/can’t really know much about.
3) It subtly furthers the inherent tempting notion in many Christians, including myself, that culture is bad and cannot be redeemed.
Solution:
Buy an Interpol album, or Fleet Foxes, or maybe Gaslight Anthem, or maybe Glasvegas, or Atmosphere, or even Rage Against the Machine, and man-up to culture by finding something redeeming or redeemable in each of their songs. Our God invented culture and music.
Let’s stop making/buying the “Christian Music” genre (besides songs for church) altogether!
I know I’m taking a hard line about this. I do recognize that. But, Boyfriend crap like this wouldn’t even be around if we just trusted our God, the Guy who invented music and culture, to give us discernment as to what music to listen to.
Clarification:
I’m not talking about songs we sing in church. So I realize I might be a bit off topic here. Obviously I want to sing about Jesus in church. As should we all. So if we’re talking about praise/worship music for use in the Church, then disregard my comments.
Also, I don’t have kids. And I know nothing about parenting. So, I recognize that it must be extremely difficult at times to discern what you let your kids listen to. I humbly, humbly acknowledge my lack of wisdom in the area of parenting.
“I humbly, humbly acknowledge my lack of wisdom in the area of parenting.”
You got that down, you’re half way to being a great parent! Now all you need is some kids…
I tend toward Luke’s general line of reasoning, here.
A thought: I think that it is valid for people to be creeped out because Christ is the bridegroom for the whole church; he is not the bridegroom for each individual saint. Am I correct?
…and I do have kids.
The tension is that the JiMB and acoustic guitar don’t really bring out those “lover” emotions for me, as much as I love Jesus and know that He is my future husband. Perhaps this discussion is far more about musical taste and the subsequent emotions they produce (or don’t), than it is Jesus being our boyfriend.
I like Dustin’s general idea. I think the triteness of the music (not just the lyrics) plays a major role in these songs’ general crappiness.
That’s why I drew attention to the heavy-breathing, wheezy, whiny singers. They sound trite and bubble gum pop.
What about “Beloved” by Tenth Ave. N- i think that’s well done.
A boyfriend implies hooking up…are we just hooking up with Jesus or are we in for the long haul of marriage?
Is the Church Just Hooking Up With Jesus? http://www.dannold.com/?p=1182
I’ve often wondered (but am too chicken to ask, I guess) how men view the fact that Christ is their “Bridegroom,” in the context of their being part of the church body. For me, being a single woman, it’s easy to relate to my desire for an earthly husband. To want a relationship that mimics Christ’s love for the church (if God ordains it for me).
To refer to Jesus as ‘lover’ ‘friend’ ‘beloved’ ‘bridegroom’ speaks to the relational intimacy we feel for Him, I think. And our discomfort with any of these just speaks to how the world has twisted their meanings (mainly the term ‘lover’ comes to mind).
I’ve never thought of Jesus as my boyfriend, and probably never will, but the fiance analogy works, because He is! We are all awaiting that union with Him.
Mandi, I think your question is a fine one. Just a couple of quick thoughts from a guy.
One, marriage is a picture of the Gospel. A component of that picture is the physical intimacy between husband and wife that God designed for pleasure and procreation, but that physical union in and of itself does not constitute the marriage. The sooner we stop always finding ways to work sex into the conversation, the better. I am quite confident that whatever source of pleasure He intends for His bride will render intercourse an amusing memory.
Two, I am a part of His bride. I am not His bride. In my mind, this disposes all of the “weirdness” that’s been referred to above. He will love and lead His bride. I will, as a member of that body, receive that love and follow that leading. I’ve got no problems at ALL with dealing with that as a man!! In fact, I’m rather looking forward to seeing Him do perfectly what I’ve done so poorly.
This post actually makes me angry. “Boyfriend”? What a shallow connotation that implies no strong commitment whatsoever. The term is belittling to our “King of Kings” and “Lord of Lords”. “Boyfriend” is by NO means a simile for “bridegroom”, as others have stated.
Why don’t people get upset about the Shepherd/Sheep scenario? Is that more true than Fiance/Lover? And not for nothing, but have you smelled a sheep? Now that’s offensive!
perhaps because the shepherd/sheep motif is found throughout scripture. ill give ya $5 if you can find one mention of Jesus as our boyfriend….
The real problem is not in the singing (or in the listening to) of “Jesus is my boyfriend songs”, it is in the singing of those songs to the exclusion of songs that proclaim the steadfast love of God. It’s a matter of poorly proportioned worship. A quick search of the Psalms reveals that the vast amount of Psalms which use the word love are celebrating the unchangeable love of God towards His elect. Rarely does the Psalmist proclaim his own love for God. Probably because he knows how feeble it is. If our churches weren’t filled with people who are relying on what THEY can do to earn God’s favor, proving themselves to Him by telling them how much they love Him, the Jesus is my boyfriend songs would decrease in number. Those songs may not be totally wrong, but they do express an immature theology. Check out this video of Matt Redman, who penned the line “Jesus, I am so in love with you” in his song Let My Words Be Few. http://bit.ly/2D85Se
Frankly, at the present time, I just want Jesus to be the ANNIHILATOR for that person in my life who is persecuting me right now. Give me some songs like that.
Refreshing.
I just think it sounds kind of disrepectful. It sounds like you’re bringing Jesus’ eternal worth and glory down to our level and diminishing it.
There’s better ways to make Jesus look like He would be the best friend we could ever have.
The main reason I dislike JiMB-type stuff is not because there is anything inherently wrong with it, but because it is usually a symptom of a bigger problem, namely the popular emotion-trumps-everything-else type of theology prevalent in a lot of churches.
As a fellow engaged man myself, viewing Jesus as fiance is extremely helpful for me.
Jesus IS betrothed to the church, and he has not married her.
Here I am as an engaged man, knowing that there will be so many joys in marriage that were I to indulge in them now would be absolute wickedness. I must wait for my wedding day.
When Jesus returns, he will be coming for his bride and we will join him for the wedding feast. Also, when Jesus returns, the entire earth and everything in it, except for the repentant, will be scorched and destroyed with fire. I’m sure Jesus would love to return right now, but if he did he would destroy many of his elect before they could repent. Therefore he eagerly awaits his own return patiently.
So too I must eagerly await my marriage patiently.
I really dislike the phrase ‘boyfriend’ when refering to Jesus. I don’t think that it puts Christ where He ought to be in our lives. I think there is a big difference in meaning between the terms Bridegroom and boyfriend. There is a difference between the relationship between a bride and bridegroom, and boyfriend and girlfriend. At least from what I have seen and studied. And I do not like JiME songs at all! I think that they have strayed from glorifying God and focusing on who God really is. The Psalms show deep meditation by the Psalmist on who God is, according to the Bible. (I do not want to offend those who have taken deep thought into their songs, but I disagree with the balance that JiMB songs have)
Where so many JIMB songs fail is that they focus almost exclusively on MY response and ignore who Jesus is, what He has done and what He will do. A focus on self interpreted through emotional language exclusively is a sure recipe for disaster.
I am of the opinion that it is right to view Jesus as a Bridegroom to each one individually–within the context of the corporate Bride. It’s not all about me, but all the same, I do have a real, personal, deep love with Him. I believe the Song of Songs is fine to apply as an analogy to Christ and His saints (by way of Eph 5). I really enjoy songs that speak of an intimate love with Him.
I say that to set up where I’m coming from that I also admit to not liking JiMB songs. For me, it’s not even the ‘romantic’ language that’s the tip off–it’s how much Bible is or is not in the lyrics.
Related to that, it also changes drastically with what we define “love” to be. Love is not a warm fuzzy feeling (although it does often feel good!); love is the glad willingness to utterly lay one’s life down. Our culture thinks of love as clingy, needy, what can I get out of it–the Bible defines love as complete self-sacrifice with no strings attached. Suddenly, “Oh how He loves us” or “How I love You, Jesus” does not conjure up a picture of date night, but rather a Cross.
“Beauty” is another term that is often misused… we’re not saying, “Wow, Jesus, You should be on GQ,” we’re saying, “Your heart, attributes, and character are wonderful”.
Being deeply and personally in love does not diminish who He is, or what love actually means, or the corporate reality of Christ and His Church. It’s possible to use really emotional, personal language and still honor His awesome majesty and glory. If we’re just making up sentimental language that could easily be played over any secular venue without anyone realizing it was talking about the Lord, then that’s a problem. Jesus is not our boyfriend. But He is loving, personal, and should inspire a deep emotional response from us.
My rather lengthy $0.02. Hope it made sense!
first, the boyfriend/lover thing gives me the creeps, and i’m not even a dude.
second, i think we’re looking at this kind of backwards. Christ is called the bridegroom not because HE is like an earthly husband/boyfriend/lover, but because HUSBANDS are (supposed to be) like HIM! i mean, when the Bible uses this kind of “lover” language, it’s precisely because earthly love, marriage, and yes, sex are metaphors themselves for the REAL lover, husband, and union in heaven. i think the reason JiMB songs are weird is because they reverse that analogy and make Jesus a swoony guy we can hold hands with, instead of reminding us what a real lover looks like—the kind that dies a bloody death on a cross for his bride.
Thanks Abraham. I like this post.
You know… when a church is based on music and not on the Scripture, there’s no doubt their “products” lead people astray.
Whenever I watch or listen to their “products”, it’s hard for me to distinguish whether they are worshipping God or the worship band(or the “worship culture”).
It’s heart-wrenching…
They don’t even KNOW who God really is, and yet they hold conferences and build a college to teach how to write worship music… or how to clothe the church with fantastic stage lighting.
My problem is that Jesus is not your boyfriend.
Love, spouse, etc. are not the same as the contemporary ‘boyfriend’ model of reality — which, in my opinion anyway, is a degradation of the lover and the beloved.
Umm. Wow.
Jesus is also our brother. In a sense (ie we too are children of God). That alone is enough to make me uncomfortable with the “boyfriend” language.
To use that sort of descriptor seems to focus on just one characteristic of a multifaceted relationship.