Dec 3, 2009
Do you suffer from the I-only-want-coffee-if-you’re-making-it-anyway syndrome?
Like this post?
I asked a guest if I should brew some coffee. He said, “Please do.”
How refreshing!
Many aren’t that honest.
Are you?
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© 2012 Abuyo. All rights reserved.
Not only would I ask you to brew the coffee, I’d find out the brand and also make sure that you have 18% cream in your fridge. Would you find that refreshing?!
Oh, I *so* feel you about the importance of the cream element options, Nancy. :)
I wouldn’t necessarily require %18 cream, but…anything less than half&half and I’m markedly less interested. Or…a bit disappointed when I’ve got mug in hand and then find out!
I make sure to have cream (or canned evaporated milk, which lasts longer) and Coffeemate on hand. I even try to have my sweetener bases covered: white sugar, brown sugar, raw sugar, stevia, honey — just no Sweet’n'Low.
Yeah, you should keep all of those on hand in case your guests want to ruin their coffee. Good coffee needs no cream or sweetener.
that’s the truth! make sure it is good for your guests.
Thumbs up, Brandon.
Cream? Sugar? Bah, Humbug!
I’ve got a couple friends who always brew the perfect pot. When they ask, I get teary eyed in gratefulness.
I am one of those guys who brews a perfect pot of coffee.
My secret: plenty of coffee. If it is too strong for you, cut it with hot water. Never ever skimp on the amount of coffee grounds.
Wait, so it’s always a lie to say that you only want the planned coffee? What if you really don’t care that much?
I brew coffee anyway, and generally offer it to people that are with me.
I figure making coffee is a welcome distraction, a cosy, cute inconvenience. Unlike asking someone to pick your washing up from the cleaners. Making coffee, whilst sometimes an inconvenience, doesn’t take long for the dab hand.
I find it a really good way to practice being a servant, and practice for being vulnerable:
“Would you like some coffee”
“Yes, and maybe if this friendship goes further I can ask you to serve me by listening to me as I unload the heaviness in my soul”
I like to be around people who I know well enough to know whether or not they will drink coffee if I make it.
At our small group (don’t be a hater) our hostess knows that if there’s coffee, I’m drinking it. I appreciate that.
And I appreciate having people I can count on to drink coffee! Thanks Andy, Brian and my Tom (not to mention myself, of course..) for being willing to pull the mugs out of the cupboard and help yourself to a cup o jo!!!
As the host I like to get all preventative and say “I’m making it. Should I make enough for you?”
this guest must not have been a minnesotan ;-)
Since moving to MN, I have learned to offer tokens of hospitality (read “basic hosting courtesies”) in one of the two following manners:
(a.) “I’m getting some (x) for myself (or for entity [y]), would you like some?”
(b.) [coffee in hand] “Here’s some coffee.”
Unfortunately, in the case of the former technique, it doesn’t always head off the “well, if you’re making it” (I’m from NY, so this was at first an aspect of culture shock), but it often helps with the odds of getting a straight answer.
In the end, I’m pleased to get the coffee however a request is affirmed, and sometimes I get to be amused as well.
(and to answer the actual question: yes, Virginia, I am.)
my answer to that question is always
“yes, absolutely. coffee please.”
I’ve come to be.
In some cases, though, I might give the “if you’re making it” response if I’m reading something discomm through the offerer’s non-verbals.
I usually just say yes or no. I really have no problem with saying that. If they’re offering, doesn’t that mean they don’t mind making it?
Molly asked Jenna and I if we wanted some wine the other night, we both said, “Well, if you are going to pour yourself some…go ahead and pour us some”…guess it goes for wine too.
sad, I’m coffee-impared. Don’t have it, or know how to make it. But my MN Grandma-in-law would have none of that. “It’s time for coffee”. Not a question. And by the way, her coffee (egg coffee) was delicious, and came with homemade donuts or lefse. And a heavy Norweigian accent.
Oh my…
yes, please.
If they offer it, and I want it, I’ll take it.
Yes!! Oftentimes, I don’t even wait for the offer; I bulldoze right into, “Want to make some coffee?” Refreshing response? I agree!
I don’t go out of my way to drink coffee, why should you go out of your way to make me some?
My Dad has learned that he has to pressure people into enjoying what they are too nervous to ask for. (i.e. coffee, a second helping, etc.)
Oh man, my dad is the KING of the pressure tactic! It’s now a family joke.
My dad says right now, “Folks won’t take stuff, but if you strongly encourage them, they will. And I’ll tell you what… They are GRATEFUL for it.”
I find directness to be refreshing in most things. Unfortunately, people don’t always find my directness refreshing.
HA!
sounds like THEIR problem, tim!
It’s humbling to be the sole object of service. Somewhere in our hearts, we’re saying, “Yes, I need you.” We don’t like that.
Ever been in a line at a retail store with two people arguing about who’s picking up the tab… and it’s over who GETS to pay, not who HAS to pay?
Actually, I suffer from perhaps the opposite syndrome:
Regardless-of-what-other-ways-you-might-be-trying-to-be-hospitable-,-I-really-only-want-coffee.
#ingrate?
I remember being a little kid sitting around the table when my parents had people over for dinner (a frequent occurrence in our home) and getting so annoyed because adults would ALWAYS say the “if-you’re-brewing some line.” Now of course I sometimes say it too! Thanks for the call to honesty.
I know exactly what you’re talking about.
I have a friend whose baby is on tube feeds right now. I called her yesterday to offer to bring some supper and the first word out of her mouth was a very excited Yes! It was so refreshing and brought me so much unexpected joy to hear her so excited about dinner!
If it’s morning and I haven’t had any, I’ll answer YES and hope with all my heart you have half and half.
If it’s the evening, I might only be interested in having some if I smell it and covet yours. So, then it would be honest for me to answer, “only if you’re having some yourself.”
I am social drinker when it comes to coffee. At home or out, I need company to really enjoy all the calories I add to my cup of joe by way of sugar and creamers. Chocolate I can enjoy on my own just fine thank you.
Sure….I would love some coffee, and I hope it’s bought at a fair trade price. Do you have a Ten Thousand Villages store in MN? They are now in many communities, and of course there are other sources. You savor the coffee and at the same time know you are helping folks who need a fair wage for their work.
I don’t like to drink alone. If the host isn’t drinking, I don’t want to drink.
Down here we have Community Coffee as a brand for a reason :-) It is not Solitary Coffee, but Community.
If they plan to drink, I shall drink with them if it is not past 5PM.
If they do not plan to drink, I shall have my Community Coffee while communing with Christ while in my recliner w/my Bible.
If it’s winter and cold, I would enjoy it whether the host is having some or not.
If it’s warm out, I join them if they are having some.
On the contrary, I live in a house with two other coffee drinkers. And I suffer from I-won’t-make-it-unless-someone-else-wants-it syndrome.
I don’t like coffee and don’t drink it (or tea or any other caffeinated beverage except for a very occasional soda), so I always have to consciously remind myself to offer coffee to guests who spend the night.
Unfortunately, if my coffee-drinking wife isn’t around and they say “yes,” my answer has to be “the coffee machine’s next to the sink, the grounds are the cabinet next to the oven, and I have no idea how to make it, so knock yourself out.”
maybe not the most hospitable. But at least, in the spirit of this post, I’m being honest. I think the last thing anybody wants is a non-coffee drinker feebly attempting to figure out how to brew a pot.
guilty.
I don’t drink coffee… but if you were going to make some tea I’ll take some.
Milk and two, please. Splishy splashy.
A hot beverage is such a ritual to me that I forgo “would you like..?” and say “WHAT would you like…?” I have all kinds of teas (caff and decaf), hot chocolate, use a french press for coffee, and usually have some (gasp) packaged apple cider on hand.
SO…. I just boil up a big pot of hot water and ask “What would you like with your hot water?” :)
It’s kind of surprising to me how many people actually respond with “I’d really love just a mug of hot water” !!!
hahah. in chinese (maybe true in most east asian?) culture, it’s polite to refuse a gift three times.