Dec 30, 2009
Till yesterday I didn’t really have any rules for my kids about playing guns. Now I have one:
No pretending to shoot your brother until he’s old enough to pretend to be the bad guy.
What are your gunplay rules?
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Theme based on Derek Punsalan's Grid Focus.
No drawing blood is a good one.
These games can get violent!
Make sure to wear safety goggles when using BB-guns.
One pump only.
No pellets.
And not in the house.
There will be no posting of “Pretend Guns Are Banned on These Premises” signs.
our boys are almost 5 (2-14-05) and 2 1/2 (7-10-07). Daddy is an avid hunter and they pretend to go on big moose hunts and shoot big bucks. At times one or the other pretends to be a big buck and the other one shoots them. They do pretend to be cops and shoot each other and like you said they pretend to be the bad guy….I constantly remind them about pointing guns at people…b/c a gun is a gun is a gun…..we strive to teach them careful handling but at the same time let them be boys and have fun. what a fine line to walk!
No kids yet, so no rules, but there will be no pretend guns in our house. I saw too much gun violence in the eastern Congo to be at peace with my children pretending to shoot others.
You will not be able to prevent the action if you have boys. They will use their finger if they have to. I can’t begin to describe the various things one of my boys would grab and use as a pretend gun.
I knew a boy who chewed his cheese into the shape of a gun. And his toast, too. I tried the “no guns” rule for awhile. But then I realized I’d have to cut off my sons thumbs and index fingers. Or ban cheese. I surrendered.
They now adore their bright orange + green nerf guns. :)
Oh, I know they’ll make it up. But I just can’t encourage it in that way, and I won’t allow them to shoot at one another for sure.
I don’t have kids yet, but I remember my uncle instructing his children:
“no shooting at people. Shoot chickens, animals, and the wall.”
lol
Guns make me squeamish, however, boys play with guns; If not “real play guns”, imaginitive ones!
So, it’s a wise rule to have a willing “bad guy brother” before pretending to shoot!
And note: “Steel toed boots are not perfectly b.b. proof.” Just this Christmas, my grown brothers reminisced about the time when John shot a b.b. through Steve’s boot right into his toe, in an experiment to see how “steel toed” his brother’s boots really were! *He missed the steel and my “beebeed” brother did a little “war dance” complete with rude war whoops! No permanent damage was done. My brothers are still good friends
But yes, precautions and rules and are needed with any gunplay… and a “willing to be shot” brother.
To answer you question: “We hve daughters instead of sons, so gunplay isn’t as big since sisters play “bad guys” differently than brothers. But, I’d say my rule would be: “Only pretend guns without adult supervision!” And I “amen” your rule for a willing partner!
I totally shot my brother in the finger with a bb gun! I had forgotten about that… It was close range and I can’t remember if it was an accident or not. Violence and brothers go hand in hand.
No shooting at people, period. Animals, trees, rocks, etc. are ok. People are made in the image of God!
What if you are playing “war”, and like Abraham said, someone is the good guy and someone is the bad guy?
No playing Saul and the Amalekites, eh? :)
My boy’s not old enough for guns yet but my daughter is just now discovering Disney princesses.
I think that my gun rules will ultimately mirror my Disney princess rules. Both developed with the hope that their playing doesn’t imprint too deeply on their souls…
My son and I shoot each other with Nerf guns. It is lots of fun.
My son and I hit each when we spar. It is lots of fun.
Mine aren’t old enough for pretend guns yet, though my girls already get a kick out of having sword fights with wrapping paper rolls.
As for rules, I don’t expect we will have any in particular, but as you have demonstrated, we will have to wait and see how things change on the ground.
Our first isn’t born yet, so no need for rules. I had three sisters growing up and no brothers, so we had no toy guns. Our good friends, though, with two boys, had the rule that they could never point their toy guns at people, only at animals or objects. I don’t think I would go that far… I like the “bad guy” idea. Although it makes me chuckle to think of Morrow playing a bad guy… he’s so little and cute!
Let’s see, gunplay rules for our seven, four, and two year old boys . . .
1. No hitting your brothers with your gun.
2. If you decide to switch midstream to pretending your gun is a sword, hit ONLY the other guy’s sword (close corollary to #1).
3. Bad guys roles must be a matter of mutual agreement and not imposed by the seven year old.
We have four boys … ages 10 and under. It’s been a hard balance because one seems too interested sometimes. We have cap guns, air soft, bb guns, …. I am pretty sure they look at it as a highly amplified rubber band fight. We discuss what true violence is, what war is really like. But I’ve realized they aren’t out to gore each other or shoot off any heads … they just love target practice and any good boy needs a moving target. :)
I don’t know. We often ask them to play on the same team against an imaginary enemy or introduce other ways to play and they have STRICT real gun rules. STRICT. They follow those with the bb guns and real guns. I think we strive to imprint that we don’t actually kill people. I am a bit of a pacifist – my husband is definitely against violence, but seems to understand what boys need a bit better than I do. :) Of course.
I sympathize with “Laura @ Texas in Africa” but also know that it just isn’t that simple when you parent boys. You’d have to cut off their hands to effectively ban all pretend weaponry from the imaginations of little boys. Society’s efforts to shun pretend guns have just pushed the violent conflict-play into “unseen” video game warfare that I consider far more damaging.
We discourage mean-spirited pretend shooting and consider it unfair to “shoot” someone who isn’t in on the game. But being a mother of boys helps one realize that a young boy’s fantasy play is a healthy way to act out what it would be like to have various adventures–but isn’t a sure sign that they will become what they pretend.
Cops and robbers, cowboys, Star Wars, hunters and their prey, World War II army soldiers…there are so many ways that boys imagine themselves to be big strong and courageous men facing down evil.
Funny how your “twenty-two words” sets off a flood of discourse that touches on one’s understanding of the sanctity of life and just war theory!
Can I simply “Like” this reply?
Thank you Mrs. Edwards. You responded with grace, yet clarity.
Even with cutting off their hands you would not stop them from playing war. They’d simply discover new ways for handicapped men to become soldiers!
I know someone whose brothers, BB guns in hand, made the rules “wear this snowsuit” and “run that way really fast.” I guess those don’t technically count as rules, since they weren’t enforced for very long.
Caleb hasn’t gotten into guns yet. He’s more of a sword guy at the moment, so we’ve had to have the conversation about that sword being strictly for dragon slaying, and not for Mommy slaying, or Daddy slaying, or brother slaying, or dog slaying, or cat slaying…
We have our kids shoot the pretend enemies not each other unless one of them agrees to be the bad guy, and they’re never allowed to shoot anyone who isn’t playing the game with them.
My husband’s favorite quote of the Christmas season so far was when my 5-year-old at the kid’s table said, “I’m going to blow off all their heads with a bazooka.” My response? “You will do no such thing.” To which my hubby laughed hilariously saying I sounded like it was plausible.
We don’t allow shooting talk unless they are playing a game either (and they don’t play games at the table). :)
Your husband needs a gentle reminder that a father will not laugh at what the mother says to the children. I emphasize “gentle.”
I think our unwritten rule is no guns for our 4.5 year old son but he still picked up shooting from his friends at school. We don’t have a TV so he has not seen anything with violence like that at home. So you can keep guns away from them but they will use other things along with their imagination to produce a gun. As the saying goes boys will be boys, it is a part of growing up and not necessarily wrong. Men are to be the protectors aren’t they
Hmmm… I guess I’m sorta surprised at how many people consider it “natural” for boys to want to shoot people/animals. Our boys don’t have toy guns, and we don’t intend to buy them any. I just don’t see how it’s healthy to run around pretending to shoot at people. And I disagree with those who say that it’s innate – that “boys will be boys”…
LOL @ the Amazon Related Recommendations
If you point that gun at a person one more time it’s going into the trash.
I grew up with two sisters and four brothers, and early childhood memories include the rule “No shooting and/or pointing toy guns at people.”
I was the oldest though, and by the time I was thirteen or fourteen, my younger brothers and one of my sisters (ages ranging from 3-9) had an impressive armory. My dad hunts and they were also allowed to fire real guns with his supervision. They were (as I was) taught real gun safety. They also learned to distinguish real guns from toy guns (real guns were kept in a locked gun cabinet; toy guns in the toy bin, among other differences).
We also had swords. We played Lord of the Rings, Civil War, WWII, random gun battles… my brothers are now mostly teenagers and are not violence obssessed in the least. One is a Civil War history buff, and learned a lot from reenacting battles he was studying. They moved into paintball and Airsoft, where rules included proper equipment and “only shoot at people who are playing.”
They still play paintball, they burn off energy, and stick to the rules. I don’t think it’s damaged them.
Careful, Obama may make the rules for you, even with toy guns. Wouldn’t surprise me a bit.
True! Outlawing Guns is on his to-do list right after Socialized Medicine and Death Panels.
I’m saddened by many of the responses above.
The sissification of men in our society is just one result of the war on men, that started about mid-20th-Century. Before guns, young boys played war with swords and cannons. Before that, they used sticks. Before that, Cain used his hands.
My point, war and fighting are a part of this fallen world. We live in this fallen world. Raising boys to become men is not for the weak of heart either.
I have no intention of sermonizing at all, I’m sorry for that. This issue is simply close to my heart, and one that I am quite passionate about.
The most poignant comment above, from Mrs. Edwards:
“Cops and robbers, cowboys, Star Wars, hunters and their prey, World War II army soldiers…there are so many ways that boys imagine themselves to be big strong and courageous men facing down evil.” (emphasis added)
As men, we have a duty to protect, defend, and care for others. It’s an important part of how the Lord designed us. Since our society has created this alleged stage of life called “adolescence”, the proper raising of boys into men has become even more difficult.
This sort of play is vital, when properly stewarded by fathers, grandfathers, uncles, and older brothers, for helping form boys into strong, societal-contributing men.
OK. Maybe I’ll just write my own blog post. Sorry Abraham.
my mom always vowed never to let Michael, my younger brother, go by the name ‘Mike’ or play with guns. Those were her only 2 rules… and both completely failed.
She never allowed toy guns into our house but that never stopped him from picking up driftwood at the beach, or break branches off trees in the forest near our house.
Rather than forbidding gun play, we should instead set up boundaries and rules for them to play with guns by (as it looks like you are doing) because there’s just something IN boys that gives them a drive to violence. It’s not bad, it’s God-given.
For years, my four brothers didn’t have any play guns, but they ran around the yard “shooting” with hockey sticks. Like others have said, it’s almost impossible to escape. I dont’ understand it, but I have to agree with Kevin Ring: Violence and brothers go hand in hand.
As a teacher, I’m often saddened, puzzled,and even amused to see the fascination my first graders have with war and violence. They want every injustice to end with a gunfight or an explosion.
Currently, they have a strong preference for the Old Testament (turning the other cheek or dying as a martyr is nowhere near as exciting as, say, Saul’s command to annihilate the Amalekites). I recently prefaced my Bible story (of the Israelites’ captivity) by saying, “Today’s story is very sad.”
One boy blurted out, “Oh, good! I LOVE bloody endings!”
LOL!
Did you keep a straight face??
I started out with the “no guns” idea; it failed. When he was about 3, he started picking up sticks and calling them “shotters” because he didn’t know the word gun. He also loved pretend sword fighting. I really didn’t make a big deal about it, because it never became one. We didn’t watch TV, which I think has a bad influence because it is written by and for adults, but we read the “Little House” series and other books which featured guns routinely. We homeschooled – impossible to ignore the use of guns throughout history. (I can’t believe I’m saying this, but) from what I’ve witnessed, I really think boys have some innate ‘fighting’ DNA in there. I think to try and curtail it, especially by negative reaction to childplay, would be more injurious than the pretend play itself. I just kept on loving him and teaching him and it is now a distant memory – no lingering effects at all. The play never crossed over into the real world. No big deal.
I should add that I think the real power for good or evil in any man-made object comes from either God or Satan. Some things Satan seems to have an easier time using for his evil purposes – like weapons and pornography, for example. So to clarify, I think if your 5 year-old is pretending to shoot “bad guys” out of his childish imagination, it’s maybe not so bad, but if your 13 year-old is using a BB gun to shoot the neighbor’s cat, then it may be time for some intervention. Only you can really know your child.
I rarely comment twice, but I’m finding some of the responses completely baffling. The assumption that all boys have this inborn drive toward violent behaviour and the “need” to play with guns – whether toy guns, hockey sticks, driftwood or some other object – is completely new to me. I’m not quite comprehending this concept.
I think what people are talking about is based upon general observation, not assumption. Your average boy finds his imagination captivated by various types of “war” play, whether with guns or swords. There are many boys who won’t resort to making a weapon out of the closest stick, but I happen to have three boys that will turn whatever is handy into a weapon when it’s time to play.
I wouldn’t characterize that as an “inborn drive toward violent behavior.” I’d call it an expression of God’s design for men to be warriors.
Fantastic response!
Okay. Fair enough. Three of my four are boys, and I have yet to see these tendencies. Perhaps they haven’t surfaced yet. :)
“Future Men” is a great book on this (and all other) boy related topic.
In our house, it’s generally…
1. No shooting (or pointing guns at) girls.
2. Only shoot bad guys / bad animals / yummy animals.
3. Disobedience leads to all weapons being confiscated and, as Doug Wilson says, the offender is tried for war crimes.
This whole discussion made me think of this …
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUKP0Tsiw1g&feature=related
Never point a gun at someone unless you intend to injure or kill them.
If I ever see you with a gun again, I will hope your intentions are honorable. Whether or not it’s actually pointed at me will seem secondary. :)
Don’t worry Tony, I really like you! Just don’t get caught in the middle of me and the deer :-)
Don’t point guns at your brother(s). Ever. Shoot the bear, the moose, the squirrel, the bird or the pop can!!
It’s hardest ages 2-4, but my older boys (ages 6 and 8) seem to get it.
Only shoot targets and animals, not people.
Boy is almost 5, girl is 3. Haven’t played good-guy/bad-guy yet, but I definitely agree that the roles should be agreed upon. They have gone after an imaginary bad guy together, though.
We encourage big brother as much as posisble to protect little sister if he gets his nerf gun out (or a finger, or ruler…).
We think healthy gun play in our house should be used as prime time for encouraging the boys to be the protector.
We closely listen to what they’re saying when they’re shooting or playing swords and often step in. Boys’ words while playing guns can quickly go in a direction we’re not comfortable with.
Tried my hardest to not allow them at all. When they chewed their grilled cheese sandwiches into the shape of a hand gun and shouted bang, I knew it was a lost cause.
That’s hilarious! Seriously, I can’t stop laughing!
We started with “Don’t shoot anything you don’t intend to eat.” Now with 7 boys we have landed on “Don’t shoot anyone who isn’t armed and never shoot anyone in the back.”
As an older mom of 4 sons (youngest now 14) I can say that my husband and I had to work through the ‘to gun, or not to gun’ question – I was agin’ and he was fer’ and we had them, and he taught them how to use them properly and the fact that the heart is the issue, and not the weapon.
I have heard of the ‘sandwich gun’ and the stick guns, but the funniest story I heard was the family who did not want their son to have guns, so he took his sister’s Barbie, bent it in half and used it as a gun. At that point, they gave up.
This is easy. We are pro-life all the way, and to at any time aim a gun at another person is not play. I was taught that way and we taught each of our four children the same. It was never a problem. They understood, and I now observe them teaching their children the same. No aiming a gun – real or play – at another person. Our family has never been perfect and we have our share of “issues” but aiming guns is not one of them. God will help you in this.
We also started with a no gun rule, but our two boys played cops and robbers, pirates, etc. with or without them.
My number one rule would be do NOT leave your black toy cap gun in the van under the front seat when Mom and Dad leave on a trip requiring crossing the US/Canada border…oh dear!
no shooting girls- because you are suppose to protect girls. no shooting at strangers.
No shooting people. Only things. It worked.
We had the same rule. It was good for us, too.
We also did not allow the kids to take toy guns in the car, or anywhere outside the yard since there is so much road rage, and we didn’t want people thinking the toy guns were real and dealing with the various complications of that.
When I was teaching school, an officer came in to discuss safety with the students and helped the kids see that they really cannot tell the difference between toy guns and real guns, so they should NEVER pick up any kind of gun (unless it’s their own toy) because it is impossible to tell the difference in many cases, which his demonstration showed very convincingly.
I was trying to decide if i detected a hint of seriousness or just humor. I don’t have kids yet so i can’t comment fully from that prospective; however, as a police officer I have always felt that it is important to teach kids to never pretend to shoot anyone. They can shoot objects or animals. I would never want a child to get their hands on a real gun and by mistake shot a person just think they were playing. You never know who’s house they may be at and what they may find there.
Our rules growing up.
1) Only shoot people who are playing the game
2) Don’t shoot girls
3) Do NOT touch guns at someone else’s house even if you think its a toy. If your friend does, go ask his mommy if its a gun you can play with.
No shooting at people; you can shoot animals and pretend bad guys. Once they’re old enough to voluntarily be the bad guy, we’ll have to rethink it.
At first we tried to keep any sort of toy gun away from our son. Eventually we noticed that every stick he picked up became a gun. We eventually gave in and the arms race began.
Only shoot at lions and bears if they threaten the flock under your care, and Philistines if they mock your God?
When we play fighting games I’m always the bad guy (though we usually use swords and not guns; swords are just way cooler). I have no desire to see either of them play the role of the “bad guy” quit yet.
Two scenarios rule our “fighting” play. I’m either the bad guy trying to “make the world yucky” or a monster who is attacking my daughter who is guarded and defended by my son.
When I’m making the world “yucky” both our kids defend the world from me as they battle to stop me while using (usually) magic wands (wielded by my daughter) and a sword (used by my son).
The other scenario involves me attacking my daughter and trying to “capture” her. This scenario revolves around my son’s attempts to rescue her while I carry her away.
I like both of these things.
First, I have no intention of raising children who are unable to do battle (even violently if necessary and with appropriate force) to protect the world.
Secondly, I also have no intention of raising a son who is too weak or scared to defend his wife or any other woman from harm, even if that means putting himself at risk.
No shooting girls.
They can say “I’m going to GET you!” but absolutely not “I’m going to KILL you!” I know, semantics. But it matters to me. :)
Funny I haven’t look at your blog since before Christmas and today I read this. This morning I got out of the shower and my two year old son, holding a toy gun, said, “I shoot Mommy.” I firmly said, ” You may not shoot Mommy. You may shoot gophers, rabbits, and coyotes but not Mommy.” One other note, I have three older girls and I never once had to tell them what to or not to shoot.
Correcting my poor english, I meant to type, “I haven’t looked…”
For our kids the rules are simple –
No picking on someone smaller,
But if someone smaller picks on you
Retaliation is allowed.