Jan 23, 2010
3 ways to not scare people when you walk past them late at night in a bad neighborhood.
Like this post?
1. Whistle. This shows you’re somewhat happy, which muggers aren’t.
2. Skip. Muggers furtively trudge.
3. Carry a tobacco pipe. Tobacco, not crack or lead.
* * * * *
Bhahaha! Oh, the glorious mental picture of the whistling, skipping, pipe-smoking AP!
How ’bout NOT walking in a bad neighborhood late at night?
lol SKIP!! That’s awesome.
4. Bring a kid.
And don’t forget to wear a shirt that says “NOT A MUGGER” in large glow-in-the-dark letters!
I always found that on a Greyhound bus, if you dress like a crazy person, the crazy people will leave you alone. The middle-class folks are the obvious targets.
(I wore a big purple sock hat in July and nobody bothered me from Indiana to D.C.)
But do any of these three make one a more inviting target for actual muggers?
Nice. Skipping would make it hard to relight, though. Or another alternative:
4) get a treadmill… =D
I need to start a personal list of your blog posts and tweets to determine my most frequent response to your posts:
A. Laugh
B. Consider my own heart / thoughts
C. Go look something up that you said
D. Click the link
E. Wonder *what* kind of a character you are!
F. More than one of the above.
Hint: they are not listed in the order that I am guessing would be true, but laughing would probably be at the top!
Whistling often seems like a cover-up for malicious intentions. How about putting an Ipod ear bud into one ear and singing along at a moderate level (enough so others can hear, but not to annoy people in their homes).
i think a more informative list for me would be how not to BE scared walking in a bad neighborhood late at night…
1. whistle
2. skip
3. smoke
Can you just tell me what furtively means so I don’t have to look it up?
attempting to avoid notice or attention, typically because of guilt or a belief that discovery would lead to trouble; secretive
LOL – this is hilarious. Skipping in particular.
ha, if i saw someone skipping through my neighborhood at night it might go ahead and incite some sort of fear, just of a slightly different kind…
This is a brilliant topic. The night walk is a sticky one to navigate. On my way home tonight, a guy turned around and started talking to me about the slippery terrain and the Vikings game–not sure if he was trying to avoid appearing like a mugger or was trying to disarm the potential mugger he heard behind him.
All of this is bringing to mind how I would sometimes run through an especially violent neighborhood when I lived in Milwaukee. No one mugs someone who is running, right? Maybe it could work in reverse. Would a mugger by running full down the street at night? Probably not. You’d freak people out, but you wouldn’t make them quiver in fear for very long like you do when you’re lurking or walking slowly and deliberately.
I apologize for such a long comment on your compendious blog. If I had a blog, it would probably be called 22 pages or less.
I enjoy reading this blog. Keep up the great work!
-Matt Van Zee
the whistling might make things creepier.
In my experience, muggers are actually more fast than furtive!
I’m curious as to where Jessica had all her mugging experiences – and were they as victim or casual observer?
I was getting out of my car one night in front of my house (in not that bad of a neighborhood), and a guy ran up from behind a parked car. I didn’t exactly give them up easily, but somehow he ended up with my purse and two Target bags. The whole incident happened in probably 10 seconds or fewer!
Scary!
Glad to know you weren’t hurt!
What about a post on how to scare muggers while walking late at night in a bad neighborhood?
Thanks for the laugh! This is your best yet, that I’ve read.