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Even though I wouldn’t consider myself an introvert, I can relate soso much. I’d way rather spend my Friday night in peace and quiet than with a large group of friends, but I can never seem to get anyone to understand that.
Heh, me too. People are like; “You should go out more. Have more friends”. And I’m like; “Why?” I just get plain tuckered out around people. Why waste my energy around people who won’t become lasting friendships? That sounds harsh doesn’t it?
Whoa… it’s like someone burrowed into my head and extracted my thoughts. I’m definitely an introvert – socialising drains me and I ‘recharge’ with solitude.
This is EXACTLY how I work. Never knew why I found social gatherings to be so draining. Now I get it, it makes perfect sense. Damn energy juice thieves.
This is great! My husband is an introvert while I’m an extrovert, and this is the perfect description of what he goes through everytime we “hang” with friends.
“This is great! My husband is an introvert while I’m an extrovert, and this is the perfect description of what he goes through everytime we “hang” with friends.”
Maizdulce, does this ever become a problem for you? And if so, how do you two work it out?
Wow, this just explained my whole social (or lack thereof) life! I took a Myers Briggs test and got 100% introversion. Yeah, and I might also have social anxiety disorder. I pretty much hate ANYTHING that has to do with social interaction. I agree, Grateful, EVERY extrovert should read this, hahaha.
I mostly agree with you, but I don’t hate /every/ instance of Social Interaction (though I would be perfectly content being alone most of the time) as in I love being around my family and my siblings. I have Social Anxiety (very severe at times) and it’s actually far more common than you might think. I’d get it checked out, honestly. I did and I’m currently going to a counselor. It helps!
Dear Introverts:
You do not have special needs. The world does not owe you special consideration any more than extroverts. I am an introvert and would never dream of telling somebody “please treat me this special, undemanding, super-considerate and careful way because I am so fabulously fragile and special.” Everybody needs to figure themselves out and get on with life instead of demanding special treatment. These “how to treat an introvert” posts on Facebook and elsewhere are insulting to everybody around us by making us demanding, whiny babies who can’t take care of ourselves.
Where did you see ‘demands’ there? Nobody has to give an introvert special treatment. Only if they want the introvert to like them. Which is pretty typical of everyone, actually. In your own case, are you sure you’re introverted so much as a doormat?
Come on, Sal. This is just saying not all people react the same to social situations. If you don’t understand the introvert in your life, both of you will be miserable.
Perhaps you can explain why you’re such a whiny baby so we will know how to treat you.
Sal, there are common misconceptions about introverts. People tend to think we are weird, rude or unfriendly. That’s just no true. I am an introvert. It would be awesome to see a picture like this on how to deal with extroverts, ’cause I honestly don’t know how. I have to wing it every time I talk to them.
Man, there is SO much self congratulating introvert vs extrovert stuff on the internet, almost exclusively written by introverts. I guess because they’re at home online, the extroverts are out having fun interacting with people. “People tend to think we are weird, rude or unfriendly.” Well, yeah. If I ask someone a question and they don’t answer but just stare, then that is rude. And unfriendly. Introverts seem to do a lot of bashing of extroverts, don’t get me started on the whole ‘introverts get their power from themselves, extroverts get it from other people’ thing. Puhlease, if you need to try and make your social ineptness feel better, don’t do it by bashing my ability to make friends easily and hold a conversation. I am not some vampire that ‘gets my power from other people’ just because I find it easy to make small talk. That whole notion is completely ridiculous. Guess what, shy people? We find it hard to talk to you. You’re draining. Your lack of response makes us uncomfortable. Stop acting like we are the ones draining you.
People who think like you are the people who make introverts feel guilty about the way they’re wired. Yes, we are typically shy. Thanks for affirming the idea that something is terribly wrong with that. We usually would rather invest in a small group of quality friends than a large group of acquaintances. So when you say you find it hard to talk to us, it’s probably because we don’t know you that well and we’d rather be left alone. When we don’t feel like talking to you, deal with it. Or better yet, go hang out with other extroverts. We’ll be fine.
Kake, you’re probably one of the easier extroverts to get long with. Some extroverts are friendly and move on, like the above cartoon. You’re probably one of them, but some extroverts really are like vampires. I’m thinking of one person who thrives on being the center of attention. She’s very demanding of your attention; you can’t just “hang out”, you have to entertain her. All conversation is about her and her needs/likes/wants. Those are the people that are draining to me. Maybe it’s not so much an introvert/extrovert thing. Maybe it’s just that she’s a needy extrovert. Like I said, not all extroverts are like that, so maybe it’s a different personality trait thing going on here.
Um, sorry, ‘social ineptness’? Where did that come from? We’re not upset about not socializing. We just don’t enjoy it all the time. We’re not bashing you; isn’t it true being around other people causes you to have more energy? That’s what makes you happy and energetic. Introverts tend to get tired after being around people for a long while, and then need to spend time alone to store up some energy. It may be true that we are draining, but does that mean that you are not? THAT is the notion which is ridiculous.
And PS: Not all introverts ‘just stare’ when you ask them a question. If someone does, that makes THEM rude, not all intoverts.
Social Ineptness? Many introverts are great at socializing, they just don’t like to do it for some long periods of time. It really is because of people like you I have grown so uncomfortable with my introversion. You guys view people like me as weird just because I’m prone to being quiet at times. I don’t just sit there and stare at someone when they ask me a question. That’s the thing, not all introverts (OR extroverts for that matter) are alike. You can’t just put people in a box like that. I constantly try to make myself more social and a lot of the time I can be, so long as I also get my alone time as well. Also, I don’t consider extroverts as ‘vampires.’ It is true that I feel like my energy is being drained when I’m around certain people, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me. Try to take a different perspective. Realize that not everyone is the same and just because you think it’s weird doesn’t mean anyone else should or that the person in question doesn’t feel the same way about you. I have nothing against extroverts (actually, I sometimes really love being around you guys because occasionally – and I mean strictly on occasion – it helps me come out of my shell). This is somewhat off topic, but if there’s one thing I absolutely can’t stand it’s someone who is clingy, as in they pull me around or grab my arms, etc. This just happens to be one of my friends who is an extrovert, I’m not saying every one is like that.
Extroverts think Introverts are wierd just like introverts think extroverts are. as long as people don’t think there are different personalities around are just gonna live a miserable life
Just because someone suggests this doesn’t mean you have to do it. It’s just advice for what to do if you want to interact successfully with this sort of person. You say that these posts make introverts into “demanding, whiny babies.” For a moment here, I’ll withhold from moderating my opinions and state that extroverts could be described in the same way. I know a lot of people who start whining and complaining or even panicking because they don’t know anyone. These people aren’t comfortable unless travelling in packs containing five or more others.
You state your opinion, I state mine. I’m not exactly a true introvert, but I don’t like being surrounded by people all the time, and I would greatly appreciate if people would follow these steps around me unless I approach THEM.
Sal, relax, no one is demanding anything. It’s just a cute fun cartoon post. I wouldn’t take it so seriously. It just happens to do a very good job at explaining introverts in general. It’s not saying introverts are whiny babies who can’t take care of themselves. Usually introverts need a little more time alone than an extrovert does, but it’s often the case that extroverts don’t understand that, and come across overly aggressive trying to make the introvert act how the extrovert thinks they should act. This goes the other way also. Extroverts get annoyed at introverts and assume they’re no fun and anti social or boring. Everyone is different and it would be nice if people respected the difference rather than telling people who are different from themselves that they are wrong because they’re not like them.
What’s truly insulting is how Western society conforms to extroversion as the “ideal”. Extroverts are given special consideration in a majority of the sectors in our society. No…we don’t need special treatment, you’re right. But we deserve to be respected for our differences, not frowned upon. We can take care of ourselves, but it would be nice to feel understood by our Extrovert couterparts once in a while. That’s all.
Guide to interacting with extroverts:
If you’re another extrovert, yell hello and something along the lines of “I WANNA BE YOUR BEST FRIEND!” The other will accept.
If you’re an introvert, AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS.
*disclaimer: this advice may not apply in some scenarios*
Apparently, extroverts are some kind of psychic vampires, draining the life out of hapless introverts. If they do not come out occasionally for us to feed on, we die.
YES! That’s what I’ve called most peoples as PSYCIC VAMPIRES!!! I’ve never heard someone use that same term as I’ve used for years! Perhaps we are kindered spirits…lol. I became a severe introvert after my husband left me in 1999. I’ve suffered agoraphobia off and on, but after the divorce, I completely shut down and applied for social security disability and they gave it to me pretty much right away. I hate having to leave my apartment. I only leave for dr. appointments and to shop and pick up my meds. I’m very comfortable being alone and wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m happy how things are.
Extraverts as predators?! Harsh don’t you think? My wonderfully introverted sweetheart of 40 years reminds me with her Mona Lisa smile: “Still waters run deep,eh?” Will spend the rest of our days together fathoming the mystery that is Frances Jo.
Not everyone will leave you, as your husband did. That was one unfortunately harmful and painful event in your life, but by allowing that to cripple you emotionally and mentally, you’re letting him take all the potential beauty and joy out of the rest of your life. Get over your past and begin to make someone other than yourself the center of your life.
I’ve been through some horrendous things myself, and it would be much easier to go into a cocoon and let the government support me, but I was raised to believe we should all be contributing members of society, no matter how small the contribution. If you’re truly unskilled, volunteer at a food bank until you learn the ropes and can run the place — then apply for a job there. You CAN manage, even with underlying fear. You just face the fear, and fake it till you make it. Then go home and recharge until you need to do it again. What’s the worst that could happen? A little embarrassment? Confusion? Fear? Humiliation? None of those are fatal, but the “life” you’re living is just like being dead inside. You only get one life — why not live it out loud.
So perhaps we should interact with extroverts like we do dogs? Hm. “Come on, Lori, who’s a pretty girl? Who’s a pretty girl? You are! Yes, you are! Such a pretty girl!” That may just work.
By the way, “introverted” is not synonymous with “shy” or “reclusive.” Some introverts are shy or reclusive, but many are not. The terms introvert and extrovert simply describe how an individual gains energy.
Introverts gain energy by being alone or with one other close person they are comfortable with. Interacting with others drain them, and they can’t go for too long without time to recharge. Extroverts gain energy by interacting with others. Being alone for too long will drain them.
Just trying to clear that up. Seeing some of the comments, I have to wonder: if an extrovert has a painful experience which causes them to become reclusive, then would they start to wilt without the interaction they need to stay healthy? I don’t know, since I’m introverted
I’m married to an introvert for a very long time, and I know from experience that he talks to animals and wildlife but can’t communicate well with his own flesh and blood! There is something seriously wrong with that!! He comes off as egotistical most of the time, like he knows more than anyone else. So, to all you introverts out there, my
suggestion is that you try really hard to be friendly to others, to act as if you care
even if you don’t. If you can’t communicate, at least you can learn to listen and to love people, warts and all. All people are broken in some way, and all people need love and compassion. After you’ve shown interest in others, then you can go back to your bubble and live your personal anti-social life again. When extroverts have painful experiences which does cause one to become reclusive, we can’t stay that way long. We thrive on interaction with others!
Linda, you are confusing being an introvert with being anti-social or anti-people. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. People are a lot more complex and difficult to interract with than animals, especially when it doesn’t come naturally. They’re deep thinkers. Introverts do love people, but they give more of themselves, have less patience for selfishness or stupidity, and are more easily stressed by interractions. I personaly find extroverts very exhausting and illogical. I’m guessing you’re an extrovert from your views.
If it wasn’t for introverts, 90% of the software in the world wouldn’d exist :-)
Yikes!! That’s a lot of generalizing! As a proud extrovert married to a proud introvert, I’d have to say rethink that one a bit. I do, indeed, thrive and recharge off of *enjoyable* social situations. But here’s the thing: I’m an incredibly deep thinker and I love deep, intellectual conversation; however, I have (at least, I think) a very rich thought life that is for me alone. I too have very little patience for selfishness, but I’ve learned that I don’t know everything about everyone, so I do my best to extend a little grace to people. And to generalize all extroverts as illogical (I won’t argue exhausting because, who am I to say you’re not completely drained after talking to someone?) is just downright absurd. Maybe you’re not interacting with enough introverts or extroverts to find there may be an equal number of illogical thinkers from both camps.
Relationships can be rich and fulfilling when anyone (regardless of social personality type) tries to step outside of their comfort zone and really get to know someone. Trust me, as an extrovert, it can be *very* awkward to be in conversation with an introvert, but with some give and take and a great deal of learning and understanding how each person in the relationship ticks, it can turn into something amazing you’d never expect.
Wow…this is so true! I’m an introvert, and my sister is an extrovert. I’ve noticed for a long time that being around people energizes her and makes her happy, while extended interaction with people (especially those I don’t know well) leaves me emotionally drained.
Now don’t get me wrong; I have a large group of friends and take part in many social activities. I love my family and my friends. However, after a while it becomes overwhelming, almost physically painful, if I’m forced to take part in things without getting a chance to relax and recharge.
I totally understand you,Mary.My brothers are all extroverts and I can get by sometimes but like u said,it becomes almost physically painful after a while.Have a friend who is staying with me for a while who’s always trying to get us to go out and party and I cant wait for him to leave.Actually had thoughts of kicking him out.Need my space to recharge.
As an introvert, I agree with most of this except for the last part. If a person only said hi to me and then went back to what they were doing, there’s no way I’m sitting down next to them. I much prefer someone to ask non-invasive questions (not rapid fire, give me some time in between them at first) and that usually warms me up into talking to you. A conversation will hardly ever start by my own effort because, partly from being a little insecure, I will never assume someone really wants to talk unless they have started the conversation.
So other than that, I think this is great!
I took a Myers Briggs “personality” test and learned I was an extrovert (off the charts) and my husband was an introvert. What we are talking about is “how one processes information”. An extrovert does their best thinking (generally speaking of course) out loud, talking to friends, co-workers, spouse, etc. While introverts process things to them selves. So they HAVE to have time to “think” and it is hard to “talk” or “react” even, when an extrovert is talking to them because they are processing all that the extrovert is saying in their heads. It is not that they do not care! But give them time, they will probably come back a few minutes later with some profound comment. Or just give them space to process, but don’t take it personally. Perhaps say “would you tell me how you feel about what I just said?” This information really helped me. Good Luck!
FELLOW INTROVERTS ITS TIME TO CREATE OUR OWN CULTURE AND EVEN POP CULTURE OUR ENTIRE WORLD. ITS TIME TO CREATE FREE INDEPENDENT CULTURE THAT WILL FINALLY FAVOUR US THE INTROVERTS AND NOT EXTROVERTS JOIN MY MOVEMENT BY HELPING ME TO CREATE AND WRITE LETS CREATE AN ENTIRE UNDEGROUND SOCIETY WHERE WE CAN SHARE OUR IDEA’S http://etree05.archive.org/details/BlazeMasterMysteriumOfTheUniverseByStanisawGiers
read and share this with you’re fellows everywhere and CREATE no body will do that for us ,unless we put some effort into it…heres an Audio-book (just shows what one Introvert can do in some spare time, think how far we can go if we unite) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWoiKtQVn2E
{PLEASE LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN}
I have always been confused as to whether I am an introvert or an extrovert. I think i’m an introvert that wants to be an extrovert, but I don’t know if that is possible. Or I think maybe I am a shy extrovert.
I do think deeply when I am alone, but if I am alone too long I feel sad and lonely. But when I am around my family I am usually the one talking the most trying to get people to do spontaneous things with me.
I come from a big family, and now I am married and my husband says sometimes I talk too much (I love to talk outloud about what i’m thinking) and he tunes me out sometimes. It is a little lonely with just the 2 of us.
When I am at work though I’m painfully shy and usually won’t talk to anyone unless they talk to me first. I’m too scared to go out for lunch with anyone, but I’m not sure what I am scared of. It takes me like a year to be myself at work. I am a receptionist and when the phone rings or strangers come in, I start sweating from anxiety.
When people invite me somewhere, I’m super excited to go. But when it comes time to go, I get anxiety and start making excuses and end up not going, then afterwards I feel bad because I know I am missing out on fun, and I wish I would have gone.
So I can’t figure myself out. What do you think I am? (or what is wrong with me)
I know that feeling. I get so scared about simple social interactions and sometimes my friends take it as me ‘blowing them off,’ when in reality, it’s just my anxiety/introversion. I don’t think it’s anything to be worried about. It’s nothing new or strange, some people just think differently.
Silence isn’t an insult, but it does mean the silent person doesn’t think you’re worth expending energy on. I’m tired of people who use their “introversion” as an excuse for rudeness and social ineptitude. Not all introverts are patient, thoughtful and wise–some are dullards who cant be bothered to pretend to be polite.
I notice that in those two honest letters linked above–the extrovert is supposed to promise to take care of the introvert and the introvert doesn’t promise to do anything. Introverts can pick up the phone, too.
I Cried when I found this… This makes my life feel so much better and Ive been sharing this to all those friends and family members who could never understand why i dont keep in touch…
The one part I am failing to understand about the recent introvert definition is the notion of energy loss/gain (well, an old definition but brought to my attention recently). While I always considered myself an introvert and I always get Introvert in MBI tests, I can’t exactly identify myself with a clear feeling that I am somehow losing or gaining energy in either introverted/extroverted situations. Once someone said that if I don’t get it about energy I am probably not an introvert. But that’s not true either, because I usually find most social situations boring, unless I know the persons well and we discuss interesting and thorough subjects (which usually doesn’t happen in social situations with their shallow small talk). And then again I prefer solitary activities and hobbies most of the time. I just neither feel a strong loss of energy when with people or a strong gain of energy when alone. It’s a preference, more than just shyness, but no clue about energy reserves.
The problem is that in these definitions and the comments too, the energy part is never defined. There are vague references, like yesss my energy was depleted, they are energy vampires, etc. But what kind of energy?
Physical? Emotional? Motivational? (Jung said “energized”. Like motivated/demotivated?). What do you mean recharge? How does it feel? What do introverts or extroverts think about the vague “energy” term?
p.s. I remember in the past when I was meeting friends in the cafeteria and then I would like to leave earlier to accumulate or the thoughts and feelings of what we have discussed. Could it be some kind of “emotional recharge”?
p.p.s. Needless to say, I still identify with the introvert movement even if I am not sure where I fit, but for the outside people the true introvert and the shy extrovert would be looked the same way by society. I was usually thought of as an introvert too and told I should be more outgoing :P
I have felt, on many occasions, as though I just don’t have any energy left in a social situation. It’s sort of like feeling tired, but more so emotionally. Sometimes it’s physically, however.
IMO the energy used/gained is a combination of physical energy (bouncing and running), mental energy (processing a complex thought) and emotional energy (helping someone who’s sad) all in one. Sometimes the draining of my energy makes me only physically tired, sometimes it makes me only mentally tired like I couldn’t work through a complex thought until I re-charged, even if I wanted to. Sometimes, especially when I’m enjoying the extroverting much longer than I should, I’m physically sick AND my brain is numb. It could be that finding things ‘boring’ might be your brain’s way of shutting the drain.
As an Executive and a Coach, I see the interplay, and challenges that come out of the interactions of introverts and extroverts regularly. What really amazes me is the stigma and judgement that seems to be places on introverts by the extroverts in an organization. They are often seen as weak, gullible, or “not management materials”. This can be a huge loss of potential for an organization. Remember, not everyone is like you!
I didn’t realize other people felt the same way. I always thought it was weird how it took so much energy out of me just to talk to people at times, but this really explains it.
The only problem it it’s really difficult for me to ‘recharge,’ as you put it. I find that I’m very comfortable in my solitude and tend to want to stay there. It’s weird though, because although I’ve always been an introvert, I’ve never felt so reclusive until just recently…
I have been married for 15 years to a man who identifies himself as an introvert, who does NOTHING with me, and I myself am NOT a big extrovert, I have strong introvert tendencies, but I am always in one room and he is in another, there is never any interaction. I feel like I am living with a roommate, have always felt that way. I get so frustrated and depressed. Since I am such an introverted type myself, I don’t have friends that I “hang out” with, I don’t work, am a stay at home mom, and always feeling alone.
That isn’t necessarily due to introversion. It’s a myth that introverts don’t talk, we’re just selective about who we talk to and what we talk about. Introverts highly value close intimate, relationships so your issues aren’t due to your partners introversion.
As a person who swings wildly both ways (I spend every day working at home alone in total BLISS but am also super outgoing by nature when out) I can testify, from experience, either extreme isn’t great. To those who say extroverts are MEMEME, there is a lot of MEMEME in believing you’re too above having a fun conversation with an exitable person with a colorful, often childlike way of expressing themselves. Boo to you. To extroverts who don’t understand how cool it feels to be in one’s own quiet space, you should try it sometime. You might find someone in there! I believe the most magic is balanced somewhere in the middle haha but I’ve never been able to find it. Love this thread..especially since I can read it in the quiet of my own home :-)
I love this! Almost as much as I love my sweet, sweet energy juices.
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THANK YOU!
From the heart of a very grateful introvert! This should be mandatory learning for every extrovert!
WOW!
agreed, This is absolutely me to a T, Interesting how much introverts are like cats,myself included lol.
Even though I wouldn’t consider myself an introvert, I can relate soso much. I’d way rather spend my Friday night in peace and quiet than with a large group of friends, but I can never seem to get anyone to understand that.
Heh, me too. People are like; “You should go out more. Have more friends”. And I’m like; “Why?” I just get plain tuckered out around people. Why waste my energy around people who won’t become lasting friendships? That sounds harsh doesn’t it?
Harsh? Nope, just accurate.
Whoa… it’s like someone burrowed into my head and extracted my thoughts. I’m definitely an introvert – socialising drains me and I ‘recharge’ with solitude.
This is EXACTLY how I work. Never knew why I found social gatherings to be so draining. Now I get it, it makes perfect sense. Damn energy juice thieves.
This is great! My husband is an introvert while I’m an extrovert, and this is the perfect description of what he goes through everytime we “hang” with friends.
“This is great! My husband is an introvert while I’m an extrovert, and this is the perfect description of what he goes through everytime we “hang” with friends.”
Maizdulce, does this ever become a problem for you? And if so, how do you two work it out?
Wow, this just explained my whole social (or lack thereof) life! I took a Myers Briggs test and got 100% introversion. Yeah, and I might also have social anxiety disorder. I pretty much hate ANYTHING that has to do with social interaction. I agree, Grateful, EVERY extrovert should read this, hahaha.
I mostly agree with you, but I don’t hate /every/ instance of Social Interaction (though I would be perfectly content being alone most of the time) as in I love being around my family and my siblings. I have Social Anxiety (very severe at times) and it’s actually far more common than you might think. I’d get it checked out, honestly. I did and I’m currently going to a counselor. It helps!
Dear Introverts:
You do not have special needs. The world does not owe you special consideration any more than extroverts. I am an introvert and would never dream of telling somebody “please treat me this special, undemanding, super-considerate and careful way because I am so fabulously fragile and special.” Everybody needs to figure themselves out and get on with life instead of demanding special treatment. These “how to treat an introvert” posts on Facebook and elsewhere are insulting to everybody around us by making us demanding, whiny babies who can’t take care of ourselves.
Where did you see ‘demands’ there? Nobody has to give an introvert special treatment. Only if they want the introvert to like them. Which is pretty typical of everyone, actually. In your own case, are you sure you’re introverted so much as a doormat?
Come on, Sal. This is just saying not all people react the same to social situations. If you don’t understand the introvert in your life, both of you will be miserable.
Perhaps you can explain why you’re such a whiny baby so we will know how to treat you.
Sal, there are common misconceptions about introverts. People tend to think we are weird, rude or unfriendly. That’s just no true. I am an introvert. It would be awesome to see a picture like this on how to deal with extroverts, ’cause I honestly don’t know how. I have to wing it every time I talk to them.
Man, there is SO much self congratulating introvert vs extrovert stuff on the internet, almost exclusively written by introverts. I guess because they’re at home online, the extroverts are out having fun interacting with people. “People tend to think we are weird, rude or unfriendly.” Well, yeah. If I ask someone a question and they don’t answer but just stare, then that is rude. And unfriendly. Introverts seem to do a lot of bashing of extroverts, don’t get me started on the whole ‘introverts get their power from themselves, extroverts get it from other people’ thing. Puhlease, if you need to try and make your social ineptness feel better, don’t do it by bashing my ability to make friends easily and hold a conversation. I am not some vampire that ‘gets my power from other people’ just because I find it easy to make small talk. That whole notion is completely ridiculous. Guess what, shy people? We find it hard to talk to you. You’re draining. Your lack of response makes us uncomfortable. Stop acting like we are the ones draining you.
People who think like you are the people who make introverts feel guilty about the way they’re wired. Yes, we are typically shy. Thanks for affirming the idea that something is terribly wrong with that. We usually would rather invest in a small group of quality friends than a large group of acquaintances. So when you say you find it hard to talk to us, it’s probably because we don’t know you that well and we’d rather be left alone. When we don’t feel like talking to you, deal with it. Or better yet, go hang out with other extroverts. We’ll be fine.
Kake, you’re probably one of the easier extroverts to get long with. Some extroverts are friendly and move on, like the above cartoon. You’re probably one of them, but some extroverts really are like vampires. I’m thinking of one person who thrives on being the center of attention. She’s very demanding of your attention; you can’t just “hang out”, you have to entertain her. All conversation is about her and her needs/likes/wants. Those are the people that are draining to me. Maybe it’s not so much an introvert/extrovert thing. Maybe it’s just that she’s a needy extrovert. Like I said, not all extroverts are like that, so maybe it’s a different personality trait thing going on here.
Um, sorry, ‘social ineptness’? Where did that come from? We’re not upset about not socializing. We just don’t enjoy it all the time. We’re not bashing you; isn’t it true being around other people causes you to have more energy? That’s what makes you happy and energetic. Introverts tend to get tired after being around people for a long while, and then need to spend time alone to store up some energy. It may be true that we are draining, but does that mean that you are not? THAT is the notion which is ridiculous.
And PS: Not all introverts ‘just stare’ when you ask them a question. If someone does, that makes THEM rude, not all intoverts.
Social Ineptness? Many introverts are great at socializing, they just don’t like to do it for some long periods of time. It really is because of people like you I have grown so uncomfortable with my introversion. You guys view people like me as weird just because I’m prone to being quiet at times. I don’t just sit there and stare at someone when they ask me a question. That’s the thing, not all introverts (OR extroverts for that matter) are alike. You can’t just put people in a box like that. I constantly try to make myself more social and a lot of the time I can be, so long as I also get my alone time as well. Also, I don’t consider extroverts as ‘vampires.’ It is true that I feel like my energy is being drained when I’m around certain people, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me. Try to take a different perspective. Realize that not everyone is the same and just because you think it’s weird doesn’t mean anyone else should or that the person in question doesn’t feel the same way about you. I have nothing against extroverts (actually, I sometimes really love being around you guys because occasionally – and I mean strictly on occasion – it helps me come out of my shell). This is somewhat off topic, but if there’s one thing I absolutely can’t stand it’s someone who is clingy, as in they pull me around or grab my arms, etc. This just happens to be one of my friends who is an extrovert, I’m not saying every one is like that.
Extroverts think Introverts are wierd just like introverts think extroverts are. as long as people don’t think there are different personalities around are just gonna live a miserable life
Just because someone suggests this doesn’t mean you have to do it. It’s just advice for what to do if you want to interact successfully with this sort of person. You say that these posts make introverts into “demanding, whiny babies.” For a moment here, I’ll withhold from moderating my opinions and state that extroverts could be described in the same way. I know a lot of people who start whining and complaining or even panicking because they don’t know anyone. These people aren’t comfortable unless travelling in packs containing five or more others.
You state your opinion, I state mine. I’m not exactly a true introvert, but I don’t like being surrounded by people all the time, and I would greatly appreciate if people would follow these steps around me unless I approach THEM.
Sal, relax, no one is demanding anything. It’s just a cute fun cartoon post. I wouldn’t take it so seriously. It just happens to do a very good job at explaining introverts in general. It’s not saying introverts are whiny babies who can’t take care of themselves. Usually introverts need a little more time alone than an extrovert does, but it’s often the case that extroverts don’t understand that, and come across overly aggressive trying to make the introvert act how the extrovert thinks they should act. This goes the other way also. Extroverts get annoyed at introverts and assume they’re no fun and anti social or boring. Everyone is different and it would be nice if people respected the difference rather than telling people who are different from themselves that they are wrong because they’re not like them.
Its not about demanding, society is being bias when it comes to introverts, we seeking just a perfect balance between both.
Dear Sal:
What’s truly insulting is how Western society conforms to extroversion as the “ideal”. Extroverts are given special consideration in a majority of the sectors in our society. No…we don’t need special treatment, you’re right. But we deserve to be respected for our differences, not frowned upon. We can take care of ourselves, but it would be nice to feel understood by our Extrovert couterparts once in a while. That’s all.
So well described. Now all we need is a guide for interacting with extroverts.
Yes. As an extreme extrovert, I want to read that one. :)
Guide to interacting with extroverts:
If you’re another extrovert, yell hello and something along the lines of “I WANNA BE YOUR BEST FRIEND!” The other will accept.
If you’re an introvert, AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS.
*disclaimer: this advice may not apply in some scenarios*
Apparently, extroverts are some kind of psychic vampires, draining the life out of hapless introverts. If they do not come out occasionally for us to feed on, we die.
YES! That’s what I’ve called most peoples as PSYCIC VAMPIRES!!! I’ve never heard someone use that same term as I’ve used for years! Perhaps we are kindered spirits…lol. I became a severe introvert after my husband left me in 1999. I’ve suffered agoraphobia off and on, but after the divorce, I completely shut down and applied for social security disability and they gave it to me pretty much right away. I hate having to leave my apartment. I only leave for dr. appointments and to shop and pick up my meds. I’m very comfortable being alone and wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m happy how things are.
Please Vote for Obama!
Extraverts as predators?! Harsh don’t you think? My wonderfully introverted sweetheart of 40 years reminds me with her Mona Lisa smile: “Still waters run deep,eh?” Will spend the rest of our days together fathoming the mystery that is Frances Jo.
I don’t think that way at all! And it’s just some peoples are Psycic Vampires to me.
Learn to use spell check. “Psychic”
Not everyone will leave you, as your husband did. That was one unfortunately harmful and painful event in your life, but by allowing that to cripple you emotionally and mentally, you’re letting him take all the potential beauty and joy out of the rest of your life. Get over your past and begin to make someone other than yourself the center of your life.
I’ve been through some horrendous things myself, and it would be much easier to go into a cocoon and let the government support me, but I was raised to believe we should all be contributing members of society, no matter how small the contribution. If you’re truly unskilled, volunteer at a food bank until you learn the ropes and can run the place — then apply for a job there. You CAN manage, even with underlying fear. You just face the fear, and fake it till you make it. Then go home and recharge until you need to do it again. What’s the worst that could happen? A little embarrassment? Confusion? Fear? Humiliation? None of those are fatal, but the “life” you’re living is just like being dead inside. You only get one life — why not live it out loud.
wow thats a really a booster and motivational speech.
DUDE BEING AN INTROVERT IS SO COOL I AM AN INTROVERT WHICH MEANS I’M WAY SMARTER AND MORE INTERESTING THAN MOST PEOPLE AMIRITE?!?11?
DUDE! That’s how I feel about myself. I love my own company! And I feel I’m more evolved than most peoples too.
DUDE! TRUE INTROVERTS DON’T HOLLER LIKE THAT! THEY’D SHATTER THEIR HAMSTER BALLS! (figuratively, of course)
All this yelling is giving me a headache.
Obnoxious extroverts!? Yes they are annoying! MEMEMEME!!! LOOKIT MEEEEEEEEE!!
HA. All this illustration made me think is, “Hmmm . . . that pretty much sounds like you interact with a cat.”
So perhaps we should interact with extroverts like we do dogs? Hm. “Come on, Lori, who’s a pretty girl? Who’s a pretty girl? You are! Yes, you are! Such a pretty girl!” That may just work.
Love this! I cracked up the whole time I read it.
By the way, “introverted” is not synonymous with “shy” or “reclusive.” Some introverts are shy or reclusive, but many are not. The terms introvert and extrovert simply describe how an individual gains energy.
Introverts gain energy by being alone or with one other close person they are comfortable with. Interacting with others drain them, and they can’t go for too long without time to recharge. Extroverts gain energy by interacting with others. Being alone for too long will drain them.
Just trying to clear that up. Seeing some of the comments, I have to wonder: if an extrovert has a painful experience which causes them to become reclusive, then would they start to wilt without the interaction they need to stay healthy? I don’t know, since I’m introverted
I’m married to an introvert for a very long time, and I know from experience that he talks to animals and wildlife but can’t communicate well with his own flesh and blood! There is something seriously wrong with that!! He comes off as egotistical most of the time, like he knows more than anyone else. So, to all you introverts out there, my
suggestion is that you try really hard to be friendly to others, to act as if you care
even if you don’t. If you can’t communicate, at least you can learn to listen and to love people, warts and all. All people are broken in some way, and all people need love and compassion. After you’ve shown interest in others, then you can go back to your bubble and live your personal anti-social life again. When extroverts have painful experiences which does cause one to become reclusive, we can’t stay that way long. We thrive on interaction with others!
Linda, you are confusing being an introvert with being anti-social or anti-people. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. People are a lot more complex and difficult to interract with than animals, especially when it doesn’t come naturally. They’re deep thinkers. Introverts do love people, but they give more of themselves, have less patience for selfishness or stupidity, and are more easily stressed by interractions. I personaly find extroverts very exhausting and illogical. I’m guessing you’re an extrovert from your views.
If it wasn’t for introverts, 90% of the software in the world wouldn’d exist :-)
Yikes!! That’s a lot of generalizing! As a proud extrovert married to a proud introvert, I’d have to say rethink that one a bit. I do, indeed, thrive and recharge off of *enjoyable* social situations. But here’s the thing: I’m an incredibly deep thinker and I love deep, intellectual conversation; however, I have (at least, I think) a very rich thought life that is for me alone. I too have very little patience for selfishness, but I’ve learned that I don’t know everything about everyone, so I do my best to extend a little grace to people. And to generalize all extroverts as illogical (I won’t argue exhausting because, who am I to say you’re not completely drained after talking to someone?) is just downright absurd. Maybe you’re not interacting with enough introverts or extroverts to find there may be an equal number of illogical thinkers from both camps.
Relationships can be rich and fulfilling when anyone (regardless of social personality type) tries to step outside of their comfort zone and really get to know someone. Trust me, as an extrovert, it can be *very* awkward to be in conversation with an introvert, but with some give and take and a great deal of learning and understanding how each person in the relationship ticks, it can turn into something amazing you’d never expect.
Jocelyn, I don’t think anyone could have said it better than that.
Wow…this is so true! I’m an introvert, and my sister is an extrovert. I’ve noticed for a long time that being around people energizes her and makes her happy, while extended interaction with people (especially those I don’t know well) leaves me emotionally drained.
Now don’t get me wrong; I have a large group of friends and take part in many social activities. I love my family and my friends. However, after a while it becomes overwhelming, almost physically painful, if I’m forced to take part in things without getting a chance to relax and recharge.
I totally understand you,Mary.My brothers are all extroverts and I can get by sometimes but like u said,it becomes almost physically painful after a while.Have a friend who is staying with me for a while who’s always trying to get us to go out and party and I cant wait for him to leave.Actually had thoughts of kicking him out.Need my space to recharge.
As an introvert, I agree with most of this except for the last part. If a person only said hi to me and then went back to what they were doing, there’s no way I’m sitting down next to them. I much prefer someone to ask non-invasive questions (not rapid fire, give me some time in between them at first) and that usually warms me up into talking to you. A conversation will hardly ever start by my own effort because, partly from being a little insecure, I will never assume someone really wants to talk unless they have started the conversation.
So other than that, I think this is great!
I took a Myers Briggs “personality” test and learned I was an extrovert (off the charts) and my husband was an introvert. What we are talking about is “how one processes information”. An extrovert does their best thinking (generally speaking of course) out loud, talking to friends, co-workers, spouse, etc. While introverts process things to them selves. So they HAVE to have time to “think” and it is hard to “talk” or “react” even, when an extrovert is talking to them because they are processing all that the extrovert is saying in their heads. It is not that they do not care! But give them time, they will probably come back a few minutes later with some profound comment. Or just give them space to process, but don’t take it personally. Perhaps say “would you tell me how you feel about what I just said?” This information really helped me. Good Luck!
You might appreciate reading these letters:
Dear Extrovert, (An Honest Letter from an Introvert)
http://timandolive.com/dear-extroverts/
Dear Introvert, (An Honest Letter from an Extrovert)
http://eslmarriage.com/dear-introverts-an-honest-letter-from-an-extrovert/
Forget who started the flame war, I’m gonna end it!!!
FELLOW INTROVERTS ITS TIME TO CREATE OUR OWN CULTURE AND EVEN POP CULTURE OUR ENTIRE WORLD. ITS TIME TO CREATE FREE INDEPENDENT CULTURE THAT WILL FINALLY FAVOUR US THE INTROVERTS AND NOT EXTROVERTS JOIN MY MOVEMENT BY HELPING ME TO CREATE AND WRITE LETS CREATE AN ENTIRE UNDEGROUND SOCIETY WHERE WE CAN SHARE OUR IDEA’S
http://etree05.archive.org/details/BlazeMasterMysteriumOfTheUniverseByStanisawGiers
read and share this with you’re fellows everywhere and CREATE no body will do that for us ,unless we put some effort into it…heres an Audio-book (just shows what one Introvert can do in some spare time, think how far we can go if we unite)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWoiKtQVn2E
{PLEASE LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN}
I have always been confused as to whether I am an introvert or an extrovert. I think i’m an introvert that wants to be an extrovert, but I don’t know if that is possible. Or I think maybe I am a shy extrovert.
I do think deeply when I am alone, but if I am alone too long I feel sad and lonely. But when I am around my family I am usually the one talking the most trying to get people to do spontaneous things with me.
I come from a big family, and now I am married and my husband says sometimes I talk too much (I love to talk outloud about what i’m thinking) and he tunes me out sometimes. It is a little lonely with just the 2 of us.
When I am at work though I’m painfully shy and usually won’t talk to anyone unless they talk to me first. I’m too scared to go out for lunch with anyone, but I’m not sure what I am scared of. It takes me like a year to be myself at work. I am a receptionist and when the phone rings or strangers come in, I start sweating from anxiety.
When people invite me somewhere, I’m super excited to go. But when it comes time to go, I get anxiety and start making excuses and end up not going, then afterwards I feel bad because I know I am missing out on fun, and I wish I would have gone.
So I can’t figure myself out. What do you think I am? (or what is wrong with me)
I know that feeling. I get so scared about simple social interactions and sometimes my friends take it as me ‘blowing them off,’ when in reality, it’s just my anxiety/introversion. I don’t think it’s anything to be worried about. It’s nothing new or strange, some people just think differently.
I’m also usually the spontaneous one when it comes to my family. Used to be that way around my friends, but my anxiety has sort of ‘taken over.’ xP
Great article on myths about introverts
http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts
Another tip for dealing with introverts: DON’T say they don’t talk after they’ve talked to you. They will never make an effort to speak to you again.
“This is truly me and yes my plastic bubble…..I was #RMAOTFL with the guy in the bubble ‘hissing’ that is me truly, very good funny article”
Silence isn’t an insult, but it does mean the silent person doesn’t think you’re worth expending energy on. I’m tired of people who use their “introversion” as an excuse for rudeness and social ineptitude. Not all introverts are patient, thoughtful and wise–some are dullards who cant be bothered to pretend to be polite.
I notice that in those two honest letters linked above–the extrovert is supposed to promise to take care of the introvert and the introvert doesn’t promise to do anything. Introverts can pick up the phone, too.
I Cried when I found this… This makes my life feel so much better and Ive been sharing this to all those friends and family members who could never understand why i dont keep in touch…
THANK YOU!
The one part I am failing to understand about the recent introvert definition is the notion of energy loss/gain (well, an old definition but brought to my attention recently). While I always considered myself an introvert and I always get Introvert in MBI tests, I can’t exactly identify myself with a clear feeling that I am somehow losing or gaining energy in either introverted/extroverted situations. Once someone said that if I don’t get it about energy I am probably not an introvert. But that’s not true either, because I usually find most social situations boring, unless I know the persons well and we discuss interesting and thorough subjects (which usually doesn’t happen in social situations with their shallow small talk). And then again I prefer solitary activities and hobbies most of the time. I just neither feel a strong loss of energy when with people or a strong gain of energy when alone. It’s a preference, more than just shyness, but no clue about energy reserves.
The problem is that in these definitions and the comments too, the energy part is never defined. There are vague references, like yesss my energy was depleted, they are energy vampires, etc. But what kind of energy?
Physical? Emotional? Motivational? (Jung said “energized”. Like motivated/demotivated?). What do you mean recharge? How does it feel? What do introverts or extroverts think about the vague “energy” term?
p.s. I remember in the past when I was meeting friends in the cafeteria and then I would like to leave earlier to accumulate or the thoughts and feelings of what we have discussed. Could it be some kind of “emotional recharge”?
p.p.s. Needless to say, I still identify with the introvert movement even if I am not sure where I fit, but for the outside people the true introvert and the shy extrovert would be looked the same way by society. I was usually thought of as an introvert too and told I should be more outgoing :P
I have felt, on many occasions, as though I just don’t have any energy left in a social situation. It’s sort of like feeling tired, but more so emotionally. Sometimes it’s physically, however.
IMO the energy used/gained is a combination of physical energy (bouncing and running), mental energy (processing a complex thought) and emotional energy (helping someone who’s sad) all in one. Sometimes the draining of my energy makes me only physically tired, sometimes it makes me only mentally tired like I couldn’t work through a complex thought until I re-charged, even if I wanted to. Sometimes, especially when I’m enjoying the extroverting much longer than I should, I’m physically sick AND my brain is numb. It could be that finding things ‘boring’ might be your brain’s way of shutting the drain.
As an Executive and a Coach, I see the interplay, and challenges that come out of the interactions of introverts and extroverts regularly. What really amazes me is the stigma and judgement that seems to be places on introverts by the extroverts in an organization. They are often seen as weak, gullible, or “not management materials”. This can be a huge loss of potential for an organization. Remember, not everyone is like you!
This basically describes my life xD
I didn’t realize other people felt the same way. I always thought it was weird how it took so much energy out of me just to talk to people at times, but this really explains it.
The only problem it it’s really difficult for me to ‘recharge,’ as you put it. I find that I’m very comfortable in my solitude and tend to want to stay there. It’s weird though, because although I’ve always been an introvert, I’ve never felt so reclusive until just recently…
Anyway! Loved this xD
This is so me and I thought nobody understood….
I have been married for 15 years to a man who identifies himself as an introvert, who does NOTHING with me, and I myself am NOT a big extrovert, I have strong introvert tendencies, but I am always in one room and he is in another, there is never any interaction. I feel like I am living with a roommate, have always felt that way. I get so frustrated and depressed. Since I am such an introverted type myself, I don’t have friends that I “hang out” with, I don’t work, am a stay at home mom, and always feeling alone.
That isn’t necessarily due to introversion. It’s a myth that introverts don’t talk, we’re just selective about who we talk to and what we talk about. Introverts highly value close intimate, relationships so your issues aren’t due to your partners introversion.
As a person who swings wildly both ways (I spend every day working at home alone in total BLISS but am also super outgoing by nature when out) I can testify, from experience, either extreme isn’t great. To those who say extroverts are MEMEME, there is a lot of MEMEME in believing you’re too above having a fun conversation with an exitable person with a colorful, often childlike way of expressing themselves. Boo to you. To extroverts who don’t understand how cool it feels to be in one’s own quiet space, you should try it sometime. You might find someone in there! I believe the most magic is balanced somewhere in the middle haha but I’ve never been able to find it. Love this thread..especially since I can read it in the quiet of my own home :-)
each time i used to read smaller articles that also clear their motive, and that is also happening
with this post which I am reading now.