So you thought that you had to put up with idiots at work, did you?
Well, you probably do. We all do. But most of us don't have to deal with the level of stupidity that 911 dispatchers do on a daily basis.
So while I may have tried to open my car door with a pen today, I can still rest assured in the knowledge that I have yet to call 911 with an absurd, inappropriate, or literally insane issue. However, I should note that the day is not over yet.
These 911 dispatchers took to Reddit to share the dumbest calls they've ever received. And they reveal some seriously stupid, clinically insane, yet oddly satisfying stories.
Not only do they make the rest of us look that much smarter and saner, but they also show us the humanity that lies in between the violence and crime they constantly confront as 911 dispatchers.
They are the crazy old ladies, mischievous little girls, determined burrito makers, concerned horse owners, and overly honest criminals.
They are stupid and they are crazy, but we kind of love them anyway. Is that so wrong? Oh well, we clearly have a lot to work on as a society, anyway.
But for now, let's just laugh at the utter idiocy of our species.
So without further ado, may we present to you the dumbest calls these 911 dispatchers have ever received.
The Police Department can file this lady's cool and collected call to 911 under "total psycho."
“I had a woman call 911 to ask if it was legal to sell a baby.” –jesusisafish
Yikes. Charles Manson’s mom also tried to sell him once and we all know how that turned out.
We can only hope that this woman wasn’t considering selling her own child! I mean, we don’t hope that she that was trying to sell someone else’s baby either…
Ugh. There’s really no possible comforting scenario here.
Say, is it 5 o’clock somewhere?
This lady's late night tip to 911 was a false start, to say the least.
“3 am. Got a call about a suspicious vehicle outside of her house. I start getting the description and get my officers en route when she says “They’re leaving!” I get the direction they are headed and relay it; I’ve got 4 officers converging like a net on this guy.
Apparently, the vehicle wasn’t suspicious at all… but this lady sure is. We’re wondering what in the world this woman was doing staring out her window at 3:00 a.m.?
Actually, we really don’t. We’ve got a pretty good idea what she was doing up so late.
This 911 dispatcher sure knows how to put out a fire.
“Some lady wanted the fire department to come burn her house down because she thought a demon lived in it. I sent paramedics and police to check on her but I told her we’d be happy to burn her house down in a controlled training capacity if she wanted to donate it, but there was a lot of paperwork to get that started.”