pparently it’s time for me to hand in my middle-aged straight woman card because you guys, I don’t get the Arie appeal. Okay, okay. He’s a wee bit nicer than some Bachelors of seasons past (looking at you, Juan Pablo!), he doesn’t seem to have a giant ego, and he’s easy on the eyes. When I squint. So exactly what am I not getting here?
I mean, nubile nannies who march around braless seem to like tongue thrusting Arie on the reg. Single gals are revving up for hair-pulling fisticuffs over their next one-on-one date with him. Then again, maybe that’s just more about everyone hating Krystal (which by the way, I fully support). Still, there are just some dots I’m just not connecting when it comes to Arie.
Let’s mine his Instagram for some clues...
Two words: Racecar Driver.
My friends, my friends’ moms, and my friends’ teenage daughters – they all dig Arie being a racecar driver. Obviously, he digs it too! Just look at that smile, completely caught unawares as a photographer captures his “bad boy with a heart of gold” image impromptu. Hmm.
He keeps his hands where we can see them.
Arie may be the kissing bandit, but he’s generally a respectful gent. Observe, if you will, the sheer terror underlying his smile as he clasps his hands in front of him, lest an ousted contestant accuses him of a reach-around on the sly. Nope. Not gonna happen! He’s too smart for that.
He touches elephants, and ya'll, they touch him right back.
Arie’s “down to earth” persona can best be attributed to his season with Emily, where most viewers came to know him as the intelligent, straightforward suitor with LOTS. OF. FEELINGS.
See this elephant moment? Feelings, people. Feeeeeeeelings.
And don't we all dig a guy who hoses off the driveway every once in a while? (Can I get a witness?)
Chris Harrison can’t single-handedly sweep up all the dirty grime of broken dreams and prom gown carnage that surely haunts the driveway of The Bachelor Pad.
That’s where Arie steps in. Tailored, handmade suits be damned! There’s effing yard work to be done! And he’s just the guy to (pretend to) do it.
Arie can read at a first grade level - just like most of his female companions!
Okay, okay. I realize The Giving Tree is Arie’s favorite “children’s book” and despite it being a depressing story about the pitfalls of codependence, I kind of love him for giving good ole’ Shel Silverstein a social media shout out.
Plus, he can bond with Bekah over the scraggly nature drawings. Which look disturbingly like her unshaven armpits, no?