In this week's Bachelor, Arie found out Bekah M. is twenty-two years old and that Krystal is bunny-boiler psycho. So he gave them both roses. Because he likes them young, and he likes them crazy. Full stop. And if anyone thinks his attraction to either of these women is merely a producer-driven drama tool, consider this: Arie is the Bachelor who will kiss anything that walks on two legs, but still sent contestants home mid-show and mid-date in previous episodes. Here's why Bekah and Krystal will be sticking around until the end.
Faux furs are fun! And they make the young'ns seem older.
Arie is loving Bekah’s retro vibe and her “strong, independent, sexiness” – emphasis on sexiness.
Bottom line: He wants to jump her bones, but doesn’t want to get arrested. The faux furs and short hair put him at ease.
“She’s a lot deeper than women I’ve dated in the past,” says Arie of the girl who was born while he was about to enter his freshman year of high school.
Sienne gets the first one on one date in Lake Tahoe, but she's just too damn normal for Arie.
Arie and Sienne “let love soar” on their boating and parasailing date, then makeout, dine, and dance.
Sienne is way too smart for this Bachelor, but wants a “happy ending.” Her parents’ marriage was troubled, so she thinks relationships are hard. She also poignantly comments on not seeing many love stories for people of color out there, so she’s cautious. Arie is stunned by Sienne’s maturity and insight because he’s basically a high school dropout. So he gives her a rose to show that love stories happen to “people who look like her.” Yup. He said that.
To Sienne’s further credit, she doesn’t hurl herself off of the stage later out of sheer humiliation while dancing with Arie to a country band.
Krystal starts to unravel on the group date.
Krystal knows she is perfect for Arie. “I’m secure,” she says with batshit crazy eyes, as she panics about her date with twelve other women in the woods.
And for real you guys, I feel like the camera man may have just shivered because the frame shook imperceptibly. No? Just me? Okay, moving right along…
The real panic sets in when Arie drinks his own urine.
Just kidding! Oh, those producers. They are some HIGH-larious people.
After everyone is forced to pee, then instructed to drink it “for survival,” Arie’s pulls his little prank of drinking apple juice in the name of good ole’ urine sipping fun.
No one is amused. But Jacqueline is impressed…and maybe a little bit cuckoo, herself?
Jacqueline's brush with disaster is still not wild enough for Arie, though.
Jacqueline is apparently desperate enough to take a swig of her own pee, which likely smells like hair products and bad decisions. When Arie sees what this not-so-bright chick is about to do, he stops her just in the nick of time – or maybe not. Did I see a drip on that lip? Gah!
It’s worth noting that when I ponder out loud if there’s something wrong with this woman, my husband comments from the background: She does look a little touched.