arbie — the doll with the Dream House, who has had almost every job in the book, and whose very physique defies all laws of nature — has been a big deal for a long time.
Take a look back and see which Barbie phase you were born in. Or at least get a look at what Barbie was up to before you took all her clothes off and left her for your dog to destroy.
1959 Barbie, The Teen Fashion Model
The first iteration of Barbie looked like a delusional thirty-year-old who insisted she was a teen fashion model. But in 1959, really all you needed to be a fashion model was blonde hair and sunglasses, so this checks out. It should also be noted that Barbie didn’t smile in her early days, probably because this was before men started telling women to do that, so we didn’t know.
1960 Fashion Designer
In 1960, Barbie gets mature and moves on up. She’s not modeling the clothes anymore — she’s drawing them! And now that she’s behind the camera, she’s a brunette. Because that’s a serious hair color for serious professionals who wear overly large bows.
1961 Registered Nurse
Barbie went back to school again, and now she’s a slightly unsettling nurse. Even if she does look a little less glam and a little more like a character from American Horror Story, this seems to be a much more stable career choice than fashion designer. You go, girl!
1962 Tennis Player
In 1962 Barbie decided to cut loose from all that working and take up a hobby. She chose tennis (because of the cute skirts), but being unable to bend your knees would be a bit of a setback. But the important thing is that she’s finally having fun. Probably.
In 1963 Mattel introduced the world to Barbie’s best friend, Midge. She was brought in to counter claims that Barbie was too sexy for little girls. Meaning, I guess, that she’s Barbie’s less attractive friend who Barbie hangs out with to make herself look good. She also conveniently came along two years after Ken, probably because Barbie was getting sick of hanging out with her boyfriend all the time and needed a girls night out.
Midge has been discontinued and brought back at various points, eventually getting into her own controversy when she got pregnant.