Lady Calls Religious TV Show to Thank God for Healing Her Hamsters…and It Only Gets Funnier

Oct 3, 2014 By Abraham 0

When people watch Springs of Life Giving Waters Ministries on television amazing things happen, apparently. So when phone lines open up, obviously these apostles and prophetesses are going to be inundated with testimonies of God’s miraculous power that has been demonstrated through their program.

In this instance a hamster breeder phones in with a remarkable (if scatologically cringeworthy) tale. As you listen, be warned — Surprise shofar praise ahead…

Via Boing Boing

Of course, it’s really British comic writer Robert Pepper. What a genius.

Here’s the complete “Satanic Activity Book” that Florida school children are being given

Sep 24, 2014 By Abraham 2

Last week, we saw that, in order to be fair to all religions, in addition to Bibles, kids in some Florida schools are also going to have access to literature from their local Satanic Temple. The most intriguing of the documents to be passed out to interested children is an activity book including puzzles and coloring pages.

Here it is in it’s entirety

Satanic Activity Book - 01

Satanic Activity Book - 02

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Children in Florida schools will now be given Satanic activity books

Sep 17, 2014 By Abraham 8

Last year, a Christian organization in Florida held a Bible-giveaway at Orange County schools. The district allowed this and avoided litigation by opening up such giveaways to any other religion, too.

Free Bibles in Florida Schools

When the atheists at the Central Florida Freethought Society took them up on their offer, the literature they were permitted to give to students was severely and inconsistently censored.

Since the prohibitions didn’t seem to be based on anything concrete but more on a general fear of atheism, the Freedom from Religion Foundation filed a lawsuit, claiming that…

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It’s official, God loves gay people…and He just unveiled a billboard to prove it

Sep 11, 2014 By Megan Berman 0

God-Loves-Gays-Billboard-1

God is everywhere, being omnipresent, but when it comes to antagonizing the Westboro Baptist Church, Facebook has traditionally been His favorite.

God on Facebook

The Kansas-based hate group often protests military funerals and LGBT*Q communities with signs reading “God Hates Fags,” famously blaming gay people for 9/11 and the deaths of U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq, among other tragedies.

But God disagrees…

This hate group goes around saying that God hates gay people. Nonsense! I love gay people.

In an email to Mashable, he says…

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What God would like to kill you for (according to various world religions)

Sep 5, 2014 By Joey White 2

Across the spectrum of world religions, there are a plethora of supposed ways to motivate God to execute you or at least want you dead. Here are some of them, compiled from the scriptures of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Mormonism, Hinduism and Confucianism.

Of course, each of these religion’s texts were written ages ago and are now interpreted in a variety of non-deadly ways. Still, taken literally, this summary of misdeeds that warrant death in each belief system is at least intriguing if not amusing…

(Click the image for a larger version)

The Wrath of God

(via VisuallyDesign Taxi)

Missionaries like to save mortals from the gutter, but it’s not usually like this. Adorable…

Aug 29, 2014 By Abraham 0

Missionaries are in the business of bringing souls up from the depths. They find those who are lost, stuck beyond hope — those who have hit bottom — and they bring hope and salvation.

So when a brood of ducklings all fell into a storm drain as they were following their mother, it’s a good thing this mormon missionary was nearby. He saw an opportunity to fulfill his calling, and he answered…

(via Reddit)

Jesus takes the Ice Bucket Challenge

Aug 21, 2014 By Abraham 0

With each celebrity that participates in the Ice Bucket Challenge the bar gets raised both for how famous the next participant will be and how crazy their version of the Challenge will be.

Here’s Jesus’ submission. He’s eager to see who is going to top it…

Creationist says all aliens are going to hell, Neil deGrasse Tyson has 3 words for him

Jul 28, 2014 By Abraham 19

In an article for his followers last week, creationist Ken Ham expressed his strong disbelief in the existence of aliens, since “The Bible…teaches that earth was specially created, that it is unique and the focus of God’s attention.”

He’s confident enough in their nonexistence that he believes looking for them is sin, because “the search for extraterrestrial life is really driven by man’s rebellion against God.”

BUT if aliens do exist, they’re screwed…

You see, the Bible makes it clear that Adam’s sin affected the whole universe. This means that any aliens would also be affected by Adam’s sin, but because they are not Adam’s descendants, they can’t have salvation. One day, the whole universe will be judged by fire…

So what does eminent astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson say in response to this hypothesis?