Danielle Staub: From table flips to flipping the script.
She’s baaaaaaaaaack. And, yes, seeing Danielle on my screen every week during this season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey is JUST as scary as watching Poltergeist. <insert 13 screaming ghost face emojis here>
But the “newly reformed” Danielle was only tossed a mere “friend of” role, which is not what she’s gunning for, long term. Danielle hopes that her new (and insanely strange) bond with HBIC Teresa Giudice will score her a full time role on the franchise, but that remains to be seen.
In the mean time, we’ll leave her with the warm welcome her cast mate Dolores Catania gave her this year: “Welcome back, SCUMBAG!”
Siggy Flicker: She came, she sobbed, she skedaddled.
Oh, Siggy. What happened to you, girl? On her debut season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey last year, Siggy became a fan favorite. Her quirkiness – this is the woman who sucked soup through a straw after having a face lift! – was endearing, and she stayed away from most of the drama.
Then came season two – and new Housewife, Margaret Josephs. Siggy Flicker became Soggy Flicker, and turned into reality TV version of A Woman On The Edge as she stuck out her tongue at grownups, screamed in people’s faces over trivial slights, and unravelled on social media like Kim Richards, circa 2016. It. Was. Frightening.
Since filming wrapped, Siggy announced she wouldn’t be returning for another season of RHONJ – but I think we can all read between the lines. She was fired, yo. Let’s start the countdown to see how long it takes before she’s scrambling to get rehired. (Flipping over hourglass sand timer riiiiiiight now…)
Brandi Glanville: Totally unfiltered, totally desperate.
Brandi, she’s a fine girl – what a good (House)wife she would be! At least that’s what Bravo execs were thinking when she was cast on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to stir up the sh*t with the Richards sisters and become Lisa Vanderpump’s ride-or-die.
But things went south after Brandi and Lisa V had a falling out, leading Brandi to insinuate that Lisa did her dirty and, ultimately, got her fired. She’s been singing the same tune ever since her departure, and many believe she was the wronged party. Meanwhile, others hope to never see her wine-throwing ass back on their TV screens.
Eden Sassoon: Her hugs lasted ten whole minutes - and so did her fame.
Eden was brought in as a “friend of” the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last year to – do what, exactly? Be a sober coach to Kim Richards? Dispel sage advice about throwing Xanax in one’s smoothies?
Yeah. That didn’t work out too well for the Pilates instructor and daughter of famous stylist, Vidal Sassoon. Eden’s departure from the show hasn’t been working so well either. A simple troll of her social media accounts will reveal just how burned up she is about the show, and how much she allegedly “hates” it now. Hmm. Methinks the lady doth protest too much!
Peter Thomas: He got in women’s business, and he liked it.
Okay, okay. So Peter wasn’t and isn’t a Real Housewife of Atlanta. But damn if he doesn’t want that peach, baby!
Ex-husband of Cynthia Bailey snatched as much camera time as he could when he was regularly featured on the franchise. And just when we were expecting to never see Papa Smurf again – BOOM! He pops up again this year to film scenes – and interview segments (Wtf!?).
Peter is the Housewife that never was, but may always be. The rest of these chicks could learn a thing or two about this kind of staying power.