Anal bleaching. It's the newest personal manicuring trend making waves in America's heartland. For those of you thinking – "wait, people bleach their butt hairs?" – no, sweet child, no. Anal bleaching is exactly what it says, bleaching the anus.
According to rumors, the trend started when an unnamed porn star turned TV actress got a full front to back wax only to discover – horror of horrors! – her butthole was a darker color than the rest of her. When she asked her spa's technician what could be done, the first anal bleaching procedure was invented.
Since then, it has steamrolled into mainstream culture, popularized by reality stars, celebs, and those intrepid forerunners of all things butt-related – Brazilians.
Courtney Kardashian’s done it. So has Margaret Cho, and Sacha Baron Cohen (for Borat). Maya Rudolph and Rose Byrne’s characters did it in Bridesmaids, but we can’t comment on the state of their posteriors in real life.
Pretty much every porn star known to life and the penetrating gaze of a HD camera has had their nether regions depigmented, and so, for that matter, has Geordie Shore’s Charlotte Crosby, who had the procedure done on camera. (Geordie Shore, btw, is the British version of the Jersey Shore.)
Why is anal bleaching so popular?
Honestly, we’re not particularly sure. We’ve never been ones to wax rhapsodic about the particular glories of bleaching one’s asshole. Which is not to say that we’re against it. If you want a pale, perfect posterior winking in the moonlight… or at your significant other, we salute your endeavors to keep your particulars particular.
However, anal bleaching is not without its drawbacks.
First of all, the treatment in a spa will run you, base minimum, $100 a pop. And that’s just to start you off. To our understanding, there’s varied kits and accoutrements you have to take home to ensure the perfect maturation of asshole depigmentation.
And then it takes about eight weeks to get the perfect tone. There’s also the matter of permanence – after a time, your body will correct itself and your unmentionables will snap right back to their original color – which means you have to do the whole thing again.
Also, not to gross you out, but... diseases.
That’s right, mistakenly prop your posterior up on the wrong spa table and you run the risk of catching all sorts of uncomfortable diseases, the most permanent and lasting of which is Herpes – a chronic infection you certainly don’t want making itself comfortable in the depths of your precious preciouses.
Furthermore, there’s also the risk of burning, scarring, and even incontinence from a procedure gone wrong, so if you are in fact considering this – do your research.
One person who certainly didn't do his research was Donald Trump Jr.
The hapless scion of the Trump lineage was trolling on Twitter this week, as one so often does, when he came upon a most interesting and salacious tweet. It was tweeted by that walking advertisement of white supremacy and chauvinistic misogyny, Gavin McInnes.