Professor lists all the excuses he will not accept Feb 24, 2012• By Abraham• (via Reddit) Share on Facebook Ready for Another One?Give us a few more minutes and we'll make you laugh, cry, gasp, or ache... Guaranteed! Timelapse video of a human skeleton being assembled This is a picture of a dog jumping Get the best of 22 Words in your inbox Like 22 Words on Facebook comments nfn says: dating a kardashian should be valid. sariemc says: dating a kardashian should be reason for exclusion from college jay says: nobody with more than a high school education would date a kardashian. kp says: Unless someone is paid Kardashian dollars for dating a Kardashian, it makes no sense to pin ones financial future on it. Anna says: It would only last 73 days, and then you would be back out on the streets. Kay A. Ess says: Like! Jeff says: “paralysis of analysis”This professor is my hero Carr says: Note that the Spanish Inquisition was not listed. The professor was wise enough to know that nobody anticipates the Spanish Inquisition. Carsyn says: ^ this. JK says: +1 Whovian007 says: x2 Don Ron says: Haaaa… good one! Jay says: Love it! Zanetta says: +1 Nicole from MA says: You win all the points. Major says: I’m sad that I don’t understand this as well as I want to. Can anyone enlighten me? John says: Monty Python reference. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt0Y39eMvpI#t=41 Sheldon Kotyk says: All that work and the prof messed up.How can one anticipate an unanticipated appearance on Maury Povich?But I’d go with the spanish inquisition as commented by Carr. That was brilliant. Melizer (@melizer) says: And anticipating unforeseen acts of God? Rob says: spelled beiber wrong Josiah says: I think that that fact reflects well on the prof. Carr says: I can’t believe I just looked that up. It’s Bieber. Now to wash my eyes out.http://www.justbie.com/justin-beiber-or-justin-bieber-which-one-is-correct/1336/ deb says: of course it’s “Bieber” – the ie/ei thing is simple – you say the name of the latter letter. ie = eeee and ei = eye. excepting exceptions. and there’s nothing exceptional about master Bieber, so …. serendipity says: Names don’t follow spelling or pronunciation rules. Even if they did, you’d be wrong. “When two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking.” Sal says: This pronunciation rule is from the German language, not the English language and the Germans follow their rules. The name Bieber is German and he is Canadian; they tend to follow the pronunciation rules of the language of origin, unlike Americans, who turn every name into the simplest pronunciation of whatever combination of letters meets their eye. calilac says: I had to use the rhyme to remember that horrible rule. “I” before “e” Except after “c”, Unless it sounds like “ay” As in “neighbor” or “weigh”. Chuck U Farley says: The biebster is a cheap copy. See the original.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lv8k0VI9tBc Buno says: These all belong to stresses!!!! Certainly need attention and help, Professor we are all human. Do you remember you had that stresses when you were at that age? We need empathy and sympathy and kindness coz we are growing, developing and we are shaping by this educational restraints. I believe knowledge can be express in different forms not only in essay. Do you agree? Francesca says: Hey – “the paralysis of analysis” really WAS the reason so many of my papers were late. And I DID start them early!As many other noted, best props go to whoever realized you’d never predict having to endure “THE COMFY CHAIR!!” Maybe *A* comfy chair in front of the TV is the reason so many papers are late, but you can bet I highly doubt it was by command of the dastardly hilarious Cardinal Richelieu.Buno, you’re either failing at being funny like Kaufman sometimes pulled off or really don’t get the joke. Sorry, pal -it’s “The Comfy Chair” for you!Rob, that was a cruelly irresponsible joke – making Carr look up “Bieber” that way! Carr – I can’t believe you gave the rest of us the website to look that up on – someone might go as far as to poke out their eyes out if they try to follow in your footsteps!As a T.A. I think I’d be lenient on the whole Kardashian thing too. I’d see that as MOTIVATION to spend as long a time buried in that essay as possible.What I wouldn’t allow is “getting caught up in the gripping coverage of the race for the Republican nomination” though I’d still give partial marks for “missing a nuclear strike by North Korea/ Iran/ Anybody Else because you weren’t closely reading the little news ticker at the bottom of CNN the day Whitney Houston died”.Sorry Whitney. aihley says: He’s your prof, not your mom and certainly not your psychologist. Go get help if you need it so badly. a GTF says: Realizing this is a year and a half old, but leaving it for posterity anyway–you also need to learn to turn your work in on time.Knowledge can be expressed in many forms, but during that development you speak of, it will be to your benefit in later life to develop the ability to finish things on time. Sarah says: That was amazing! John says: This is particularly relevant. I will start getting started on not procrastinating gaetting started on my essay started…SOON! serendipity says: “loss of hope in your audacity” (love) V. says: “or vice versa” which would be..? Loss of audacity in your hope? Yeah, that was my favorite line, as well. Kayla Gibbs says: That’s so messed up, I ended up on bedrest for 2 months on OxyContin because I had a bad reaction to a medicine and had a seizure breaking my shoulder in the process which they had to implant 5 lbs of metal to fix it which meant I had to learn to walk straight again and carry things on my shoulder. I agree with a lot of what he said but there are times when ppl need to withdrawal from classes or get extensions and the American disability administration backs us up on that. Not to mention he doesn’t accept an act of god or terrorist attack? I think having your legs blown off by the Boston bomber would warrant an extension on your homework. According to this guy there is no excuse to be in the hospital for months at a time??!! That makes no sense. Thank god we are protected by the disability departments at our colleges. Tink says: I’m fairly sure that if they were actually ill and had a doctor’s note, they would be exempt. It’s the students turning up with ‘sorry sir, I had like a bit of a cold so I couldn’t do the assignment I was meant to have done years ago’ that they’re trying to pre-empt.Plus, hyperbole. It’s a joke, people. a GTF says: That is actually not what this says at all, even a little bit. Those are covered under “doctor’s excuse or other official documentation of emergency,” up at the beginning. Obviously actual disabilities and medical emergencies are good reasons for an extension. Your professors are not inhuman, and other tragedies are generally dealt with case by case (a natural disaster affecting somewhere else in the world is generally not an acceptable excuse, but if you have family in said area and are worried about their safety, it might be). Keep track, if you will, of all the excuses your fellow students use during your years in education, and see why your professors become so jaded. Kayla Gibbs says: Think before you speak teachers, a terrorist attack is no joke and not something you can prepare for. Anyone who disagrees is an idiot and should speak to the survivors of the Boston marathon or 9/11. This pisses me off to no end. Link says: It’s also a morbid reality of life and therefore not entirely above all mention. He’s not making fun of acts of terrorism specifically, but listing it in the same category as ‘terrible towel burn’ and street crime.Besides, sometimes a dark sense of humour is the only way to process the risk of some things happening. If done with style, it can be a way of dealing with the uncomfortableless of the reality that these things happen. I might joke about being mugged or run over by a bus or on occasion being involved in a terrorist attack, but maybe that makes commuting every day on the Tube with that risk hanging over you more bearable. We need to respect what happened, but not necessarily canonise events as being above all mention – they are part of our history and our fears, by not diffusing them we only give them power. Rather like Voldemort… V. says: On the fact that some folks are upset over how “terrorist attacks” were dealt with in this note: Perhaps writing a paper the last two weeks wasn’t such a good idea. Perhaps it should have been drafted, if nothing else, the two and a half months before the terrorist attacks? No, it might not be a perfect work, due to disasters or acts of God, but it would be something. As opposed to, “I was going to write my thesis the very last weekend…” Yeah, right. I had a creative writing teacher who would give credit for the excuse given. As in, “I fell asleep doing my math homework,” was not creative enough for an A. However, “It was stolen by a gypsey to line her bird’s cage,” and the story of how the gypsy got into my home garnered me an A+. C’mon, folks, use your brain for something! It’s not a paper weight. Tink says: Derek Levoniels should have tried dating a Kardashian. LeeMrk says: Tink, you are my hero for making this comment!