Jason Mesnick (Season 13)
Holy shit! That was the collective reaction when Jason Mesnick pulled what is now called a “Jason Mesnick” on his final choice, trading her in shortly after the finale aired for runner up, Molly, who he is still happily married to today.
Sure, Jason and Molly are the success story Bachelor Nation hangs its hat on, but can the show really be credited with a relationship borne of the hot mess Season 13’s finale was? Thumbs down, Mister.
Ben Flajnik (Season 16)
Ben WHO-nik? Exactly. You were trying to forget him, but here he is. Ben was the hipster answer to too many seasons of “bro” Bachelors. He had the floppy hair, the beachy shirts, and the annoying bouts of indecision we’ve come to expect from He Who Owns Vineyards.
He was also incapable of making good decisions, which led to the worst possible match in the end – a woman who went on to write a nasty book about his dumb ass. Oh well. All press is good press…I guess?
Andrew Firestone (Season 3)
Speaking of vineyards…Andrew Firestone owns one too! Or rather, his ultra wealthy family does – along with hotels, real estate development out the wazoo, and probably a castle somewhere. The better looking version of Brad Flajnik, Andrew came off like a 2-dimensional version of a Bachelor cardboard cutout. Looking at him from certain angles, you might think, “Yeah, he seems like an actual functioning adult!”
Alas, he turned out to be just as much of a man-child as 99% of our Bachelors are, which we saw when he later dumped Jen Schefft and went on to marry a model.
Byron Velvick (Season 6)
His name was Byron, as in Lord Byron, The Boring. Although he gave us some sweet moments, like proposing to his #1 gal in Spanish so her Cuban-born parents could understand him, the entire season was mostly an excuse for picturing Byron in better hairstyles while nodding off in between commercial breaks.
Plot twist: Byron’s fiancé, Mary Delgado, was brought up on domestic battery charges for allegedly punching Byron in the face in a 2007! Despite the drama, the couple stayed together until 2009, when they broke up.
Arie Luyendik Jr. (Season 22)
Fine, we couldn’t leave him off the list after all. I mean, we were promised a sexy racecar driver, and what we got was a horny 36-year old with a limited grasp on adjectives. Have we not suffered ENOUGH?!? Do we not require – nay, DESERVE – a Peter in our lives?!?
When Arie was announced as the next Bachelor, a giant question mark went viral through our virtual consciousness. As in: Why the hell are they trotting this dude back out? From what scrap pile of fallen Bachelors did they pull this random wreckage?
Oh well. Now, we’re all in this together, so we might as well sit back and relax as Arie makes a giant mess of this season. After all, that’s amazing TV too.