ogspotting Society is a cool fun Facebook group where people can post adorable pictures of their dogs. Cool, fun, cute things get posted in Dogspotting Society all the time. Most of the posts are like, "This is my perfect dog Lucy," with a picture of Lucy, a perfect dog, cuddling on a couch or chewing on a toy. Generally, it's fantastic. Dogspotting Society is meant to be cool and fun. Only sometimes, once in a blue dog, there's a post that makes your entire body involuntarily shudder and your whole worldview shatter.
First, we have to thank Twitter user @swagalini for bringing this story of an "actual goblin" to the attention of the Internet at large.
Someone named Tyfanee Fortuna posted the story of her little chihuahua named Rumpelstiltskin in Dogspotting Society on October 25.
The story starts out innocent and adorable, and Rumpelstiltskin looks like a cute little guy. "Maybe this is the group where he finally gets the recognition he deserves," the post begins. Ok, normal enough.
“This is Rumpelstiltskin and he is 4lbs of love and nervous shaking. I adopted him 1yr ago from an animal shelter because his owner died. Bonus info: his owner was dead for a considerable time before anyone noticed and he did eat his human to stay alive. +1 for being a survivalist pupper. His legs are weirdly long for his small body and also bowed out in a way that makes them look like a fancy table. He likes food, undivided attention, and sleeping for many hours at a time.”
Every type of emphasis was ours because WHAT THE ACTUAL F***. This dog ate a human. HIS human. That’s some insane bonus info Tyfanee!!!!
Look at the little devil.
Is he eating a baguette… or an arm?!?!?!?!
Tyfanee goes from telling a totally normal rescue story about a shelter dog to writing the most disturbing horror movie in the history of the world.
This face says, "Are you a human? Are you alive? Because if not, I'll EAT YOU!!!!"
The last line of the post read more like a threat than anything else. Oh, Rumpelstiltskin likes “food” and “undivided attention”? Sounds like if you don’t give Rumpy undivided attention, he will turn you into food.
Tyfanee's right though: Rumpelstiltskin does have "weirdly long" legs for his little body. He also has a "weird" habit of ingesting his deceased former owner.
Look at this photo of a literal man-eating demon chihuahua.
This is what you will see tonight when you close your eyes to fall asleep. You’re welcome.