ex is a dangerous thing. While people undoubtedly enjoy doing it, we all know horror stories about the guy who got sent to the ER because he broke his penis, or the woman who was horrified to find that something was stuck inside her. And what about the people who have heart attacks mid-coitus – there's always lots of stories about them. Also, there's all the STIs (which, by the way, are on the rise) so its always best to approach sex with a healthy bit of caution and lube.
Recently, one intrepid team of researchers decided to take a deep, long and throbbing scientific look at just how dangerous sex is.
Scientists at the School of Medical Sciences, University of Campinas (UNICAMP) and Pontifical Catholic University of Campinas (PUC) in Brazil decided to take a deeper dive into the murky waters of sexual injury.
They classified the most dangerous sexual activities in their lengthily-titled paper “Mechanisms Predisposing Penile Fracture and Long-Term Outcomes on Erectile and Voiding Functions.”
Phew, that’s a mouthful!
Just like the number six most dangerous sexual activity – oral sex.
Why is oral sex dangerous, you ask? Well, according to IFLScience, which wrote an entire article on the subject, “whether it’s fellatio or cunnilingus, the risk of inadvertent injury is insignificant.”
What they’re saying is, it’s not actually engaging in oral sex that’ll hurt you…
It's engaging in autofellatio.
Autofellatio, according to the Urban Dictionary (since Merriam-Webster is too high-brow to touch this stuff) is “a form of male masturbation” in which the man bends over to, well, you can imagine.
The urban dictionary then goes on to show the myriad of different ways a person can autofellate, but that's not what we're concerned with here.
What we’re concerned with is the danger factor. Autofellatio can literally crack your spine, which just goes to show – unless you’re a Cirque du Soleil contortionist, you should probably leave the contorting to the licensed professionals. Or, you know, go out and buy a sex toy like everyone else.
Speaking of which, number five is using sex toys, which is sort of a given.
There’s all sorts of sex toys with all sorts of handy handles, hooks, gadgets, devices and vibratory functions, so we’re not surprised it’s high on the list. Playing with any kinds of toys can be very dangerous – just look at how many kids’ toys are recalled each year.