hat a week! So many things have been happening! But where oh where can you go to see the highlights? I’ll tell you where: RIGHT HERE! Welcome to This Week’s Highs and Lows!
HIGH: Baby Drivers!
Are you a baby? First of all: How did you learn to read so well? Second of all, are you the kind of baby who has always dreamed of being able to drive really, really fast? Well, you are in luck! A movie all about you called Baby Driver came out this week and I know so incredibly little about the plot! But if the title is any indication, it’ll have lots fast-driving, hard-living, smooth-talking babies in it! And if it doesn’t, well, someone should really make that movie. Picture Baby’s Day Out meets Drive. Now give me all of the dollars.
LOW: UFO Skeptics
This was quite the big week for fans of all things extraterrestrial! This week we got to look at some of the most recent images from the Mars rover and hot diggity dog did we find something worth talking about! A real spaceship! Or at least, something that looks like one. We don’t know, as we haven’t actually ever witnessed one before, but we have many ideas about what they might look like and this checks all of our boxes. Good looking out, Rover! And tough luck, people who think we are alone in the universe! Learn more about this captivating story here.
HIGH: iPhone Longevity!
This week marked the TEN YEAR anniversary of the iPhone’s release. Sitting on the toilet has never been the same since! If you haven’t made eye contact with your friends for the last decade or constantly knock into people on the street because you’re not watching where you’re going, you have these bad boys to thank! Artificial friendships have never been easier to maintain, and walking outside has never been more dangerous. Thanks iPhones!
LOW: Your Parents Home Phone Numbers
Remember when you had to, and/or even COULD memorize phone numbers?!? I have three locked in my craw: my middle school best friend, my high school best friend, and my parents’ (old) home number. I used to call that one all the time for rides home from school, rides home from the dance, rides home from the store. (I needed rides home a lot! I didn’t get my license until I was thirty !) But now? Nunzo. Don’t tell my wife, who I have now known for fifteen years, but gun-to-my-head, I’m not 100 percent positive I know her digits. WHOOPS! I guess I’ll be on the couch this weekend!
HIGH: Gum Chewing!
It’s officially summer. Hollllla! Everyone wants to look cool while sweating their brains out in this oppressive summer sun. For some people that means tank-tops and sunglasses, but for the rest of us, it means more gum! C’mon, who doesn’t look cool while they are snapping a few sticks of chewing gum? It has officially replaced the cigarette as the go-to “I’m so chill” look. So stock up, America! Those packs of hydrogenated starch hydrolysate aren’t going to chew themselves!
Wuh woh. The dog days of summer are not all fun and games. It also equals sweaty pits (not to mention sweaty, umm, ‘other’ parts of the body, but let’s just focus on the pits right now). As temperatures start to climb, be sure to apply your deodorant liberally (caked on SUPER thick if you are using a brand that might actually be good for you) especially when paired with the aforementioned tank tops or else you can say goodbye to any summer cook-out invites.