Kids say the darndest things, but sometimes they don't quite have the vocabulary to properly articulate exactly what they mean. They also lack a filter, which means when they get frustrated or upset, they sometimes create the most epic insults and burns that are one part cutting and an even bigger part hilarious.
The good people of Reddit — the ones who have recovered from those epic burns, anyway — were all too happy to provide some examples.
I’m thinking I would zip my lips at that point.
Not only does it sound quite painful, but I wouldn’t want to attract all the neighborhood squirrels. That would be the REAL torture and punishment for not shutting up.
So much for man’s best friend, huh? Even the dog that eats crap doesn’t want anything to do with you. If you’re getting this sort of criticism from children, it’s time to take a long look at your life choices. Something will have to change.
In the Bag
This poor guy just got roasted HARD.
Just wandering around the swings, singing a little song, when suddenly out of nowhere a tiny human suddenly becomes Simon Cowell on American Idol. Maybe let the singing man sing, and you mind your business, you critical monster!
Joke's On You
Now I want to know what joke was so unfunny that even an eight-year-old thought it was lame. All eight-year-old jokes are pretty bad, so this one might have been especially bad to elicit such a response.
We’ll never know now.
Somebody call 911.
We have a burn victim here. Here’s to hoping that the children’s hospital features a Metaphorical Burn Ward. It might not be used often, but when it is, it’s a lifesaver.