15 Embarrassing Stories Behind People’s Most Pathetic Injuries

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A few years ago, I took a single step from inside my house to my porch and immediately crumpled to the ground because I had broken a bone in my food. By walking down a single stair. I’ve lived my life since then assuming two things. One: that stairs are not to be trusted, and two: That I suffered the lamest injury of all time.

And then I came across this Twitter thread…

And people had so many great answers. As it turns out, there’s virtually no limit to the ridiculous ways the human body can be injured. Isn’t that a pleasant thought?

Never insult a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. But before you do that, make sure you both wear the same size. Otherwise, you’re gonna be in some real pain.

Your first mistake was deciding to exercise in the first place. No exercise, no sports bra. No sports bra, no injury.

Imagine calling into work after this happened. How does that conversation go, exactly?

You know that this was probably the cat’s plan all along, right? This next one may actually be my favorite. If you like Harry Potter, you’ll understand…

There are fans of Harry Potter, and then there are people who throw their neck out because they heard the Harry Potter theme song. (Hopefully you had some Skele-Gro handy!)

My siblings and I always used to fight over who got to press the elevator button. I feel like if I had known this was a possibility, I never would have wanted to ride the elevator again.

I cannot even imagine the gymnastics involved here. Maybe this one was actually a very athletic injury, it’s just that sport of fingernail clipping hasn’t quite been invented yet.

Those soda bottles can definitely be tricky to open, but this is definitely on another level. Maybe this is why nutritionists want people to drink more water.

If you do choose to drink more water, don’t use a straw! Man. Consuming beverages is way more dangerous than I ever realized. As it turns out, food can be pretty dangerous, too…

This is a very unathletic injury, but your friend should be proud of their ability to throw a cabbage so accurately. When Cabbage Throwing becomes an official sport (probably around the same time as fingernail clipping), they’ll be in luck!

Things I’m never going to do again after reading about this injury: Watch a Fun Run. Wear jewelry. Clap.

This one really takes the cake. Or the gingerbread house. It takes both of them.

You may laugh, but a guy recently blew a hole in his throat while sneezing. Although the fact that this person apparently has multiple sneezing injuries is absolutely bananas.

This one might win the whole enchilada. Have any of your own unathletic injuries to share? Post ’em in the comments! And be careful out there!