Remember the good ol' days, when you could still judge other people's parenting with a straight face? The days of freedom, filled with delusions of perfect and pin-worthy parenting? You were so hopeful. You were so naive. You were also really judgey. But now, all of your previous plans to "do it better" serve as a constant reminder that you should never judge another parent until you've walked a mile in a pair of practical shoes you swore you'd never wear.
We're all guilty.
#Moms https://t.co/ZxveNBziWJ— MCH (@MCH)1507654695.0
1) Tantrums
This one is a classic. Even the most reasonable non-parents find themselves guilty of this pre-parenthood judgment. You gave the judgey looks and now you are destined a decade's worth in return. Karma's three-fold, and we all know she's a B.
Your child would never be rolling around on the supermarket floor and screaming like a banshee. Yet here you are, utterly and completely defeated, in Target, dragging your hysterical child across the filthy floor.
2) Screen Time
Your kids won't be glued to the iPad or tv. No way. They'll be making homemade arts and crafts, enrolled in back-to-back classes and reading books. (Insert ridiculously loud cackling here).But now you know.
Screen time is sanity. All hail modern technology and doing whatever it takes to pee in peace or maybe even indulge in the luxurious privilege of a 4-minute shower.3) Completely letting themselves go.
No, you weren't going to forgo the self-care once you became a parent. You'd find time to stay on top those roots and get an occasional mani/pedi. Oh, the delusions of grandeur you once entertained. Now, shaving your legs is reserved for special occasions and your self-care routine consists of brushing your teeth.4) Talking back
You're future perfect children we're never going to talk back to you. Your friend's child, who says "no way" and "never" constantly, was in serious need of a little tough love. You had yet to comprehend that children are not reasonable beings; they don't respond well, or sometimes at all, to direction.5) Co-sleeping
So you thought you'd never co-sleep did you? All the controversy and concerns, you'd never get into that habit.
But they find you. And if you want to function like a human and not like a raging maniac sleep-deprived mombie, you do what you gotta do.
6) Table Manners
You were never going to be that flustered couple. The pair whose children were crawling under the booth table and climbing on the chairs. What a bunch of slackers, and how rude!
Except now that you're a parent, you know that every six months or so, you convince yourself that maybe this time it'll be easier and they'll behave.
But no.
7) Drinking
Remember thinking how your friend with kids seemed to always go a little heavy on the wine at dinner? You thought that maybe she had a problem? Turns out she did, two of them. Now you each bring a bottle to girl's night.8) Baby Weight
9) Marital Problems
Nope. Not you. You and your hubby were going to be a team. An unstoppable co-parenting example to all. Except, you'd never parented before. And neither had your spouse. Turns out, you guys aren't always on the same page. Never saw that one coming.10) Attire
You were never going to own a pair of mom jeans, sneakers, or wear nursing bras a year after stopping breastfeeding. But somehow, things don't fit the same. Priorities change. And you find yourself a walking, talking SNL skit.11) Filthy Kids
via: Getty Images
I remember being a new mom and seeing a child at the store with filthy hands and thinking, "When is the last time that kid got a bath?" Now I know, he could have bathed that morning. They find dirt. Dirt finds them. There is no keeping them clean. There is only dirt, dirt, and more dirt. Did I mention dirt?12) Compromising
via: Getty Images
You were so sure you'd have it all. You'd effortlessly juggle motherhood, a career, marriage, and friendships and have time left over for Pinterest projects. But you had to learn the hard way, as we all must, that, sometimes, something has got to give and it can't be sanity.