17 Products Women Can Finally Buy for the First Time Ever

Share on Facebook

Listen up, women. You may have been buying the wrong products for your entire life.

That’s right. You might not know this, but unless a product is pink or otherwise emblazoned with the words “For Women,” it’s not for you..

I realize this may come as a bit of a shock to you, so I’ve compiled this helpful list of things you can buy. You’re welcome.

Good news, ladies! Now your tools can be functional and decorative. On the bright side, a pink hammer is just as good for smashing the patriarchy.

Have you overheard a man talking about Bitcoin and wished you could get in on the cryptocurrency craze even though you’re just a woman and therefore fully unequipped to handle space money?  

Well, you’re in luck! Now there’s a cryptocurrency that even women can buy! You can probably use it to buy things like perfume and soap. That’s what women like, right?

Hey, dog lovers! Have you been giving your female dog male dog treats?! You’d better get these instead so she doesn’t become confused. You know, ’cause females are always getting confused by things that men find completely straightforward and simple.

Lift these binoculars to your eyes and point up. See the glass ceiling up there?

If you’re a girl, you can wear ice skates. But you can’t be a champion.

I don’t need to tell you that this Ouija board is strictly for summoning lady ghosts, right? That should be obvious.

A is for “Aaaaah! Why aren’t my tools pink?” B is for “Binoculars, but only ones suitable for girls.”  

C is for “Champ of ice skating, which you can never be.” D is for “Don’t bother continuing to read this book. It’s just going to make you sad.”

These are perfect for all those times that the men in your life are working with loud power tools and summoning male ghosts.

Is anyone going to point out that this 100 percent looks like some sort of sex product? No? OK. I won’t either, then.

But I really do need to know what the difference is between these two types of gum. Are women banned from cinnamon? Did I miss that memo?

But NOT steak. I cannot stress this enough: You may NOT buy steak. Steak is for men.

I’m so over these pointlessly gendered products. Bring in a Scrub Puppy and we’re talking.

Every woman should feel safe at all times. But also glamorous. Both are important.

In case the bright pink packaging wasn’t enough of a clue, they’ve also labeled this one with the words “woman line.” Helpful.

I assume this is just the story of that woman stabbing a man in the head with a tent stake over and over again, right? ‘Cause if so, I’m so into this idea.

I saw a man try to drink this tea once and he grew a vagina right on his forehead. True story.

Don’t even THINK about trying to golf, though. That’s a man’s sport.

So that the air around you can enter your lady nostrils and fill your lady brain with thoughts about flowers and pink cars and not about the wage gap.