25 Texts Your Cat Would Send If It Had Opposable Thumbs and Spoke English

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Cats: they’re somehow simultaneously majestic, imperious, and total goofballs (as all cat-owners and cat-enthusiasts can attest). Sometimes it’s hard not to wonder what their fuzzy little heads are thinking about, especially when they’ve just gifted you with a dead mouse, or been staring menacingly at you from the window for half an hour. Now, we may just have the answer!

Check out these 25 texts your cat would absolutely send you if it could, courtesy of Texts from Mittens. And for more hilarious cat-thoughts, check out the Texts From Mittens website!

Don’t expect your cat to actually do something for itself when it could just hide in the laundry basket and have you do the work instead.

The sweet words your cat actually wants to hear you say. Cat owners, you’re definitely thinking about your own cat perched on the window, glowering out at the world, right?

Is that why cats do this??

Cat couple goals.

The preferred sleeping locale of cats everywhere.

Sometimes it’s really hard to tell what your cat loves: YOU or the food you give it. Is it too much to hope for both?

You catch that snow, kitty. We believe in you.

Cats have priorities, you know.

Don’t mess with your cat’s designated nap spot!

Cats always do seems to eat every meal like it’s their last…and then beg for another one five minutes later. So dramatic.

Those vacuum cleaners are tricky.

The cat doesn’t want you to be sick, but the side benefits are so tempting.

Ah, yes, the perpetual sacrifice we make to own cats: their hair gets everywhere.

Ah, yes, ignore the nice bed that is actually a bed and find a makeshift sleeping spot instead. As cats do!

Cats do not appreciate our cheap magic tricks.

Cat owners everywhere know this pain: you wake up to a face full of fur, because kitty decided to lay down right on your face (or in your hair, depending).

We’ve all wondered what they think about when they’re just…staring at nothing. The world may never know for sure.

Feline singing competition! They’ve definitely got the pipes for it.

Now we know what cats are thinking when they do that adorable double-take in front of a mirror!

How dare we take away our cats’ creative (destructive) outlets?!

The veterinarian’s office is a dangerous place, folks.

Chase the squirrels of your imagination, kitties.

Humans gotta sleep! (Somehow, cats will still figure out how to work the doorknobs).

I’ve had one breakfast, yes. What about second breakfast? You can never have too many breakfasts.

Behold, the top-secret lives of cats.