We all know kids say the darnedest things, but what about parents? Taking care of the kids can lead to some crazy (and hilarious) antics, as most parents know.
So, we asked parents about the weirdest things they’ve ever said to their kids—and they didn’t disappoint!
Check out what these parents have found themselves saying. You’ll laugh out loud just as surely as they did!
Watch what you lick!
via: Getty"Just because the dog licked you does not mean you should lick her." -Rebecca Allen
Basically, toilet training is an important step for kids.
via: Getty"Don't pee in the toy box!" "Don't pee into the vent!" "Don't pee on your brother!" There may have been a certain pattern of behavior in my house. -Brit Struchen
The ins and outs of pregnancy v.s. gardening:
via: GettyMy son asked me the other day if the dad has to fertilize the egg every 3 months during pregnancy like you do with a plant. I'm really just curious about who is teaching my son about gardening because it certainly didn't come from this house. -Karen Smith
Restaurant etiquette is a work in progress.
What else should we do with almonds?
via: GettyTake that almond out of your belly button. Don't use Pokemon balls as boobs. Remember, you can't make chicken noises in the restaurant. -Michelle Noelle Next up, one parent's words were overheard exactly at the wrong time, plus the one time cake was better than fruit!
Careful what you say while phone calls are in progress!
Mischief is never bound by age.
Settling disputes can get weird.
And sometimes it’s your friends who say the darnedest things.
via: GettyMy favorite this week was overheard at a friend's house: Stop digging holes in the yard and putting your face in them! -Leah Hodges
The lesser of two evils: cake or watermelon?
via: Getty“Put down that watermelon and eat some cake!" When he was little, he would turn red when eating watermelon, strawberries, and tomatoes. Not from the juices, but a weird blotchy reaction if he ate a lot. He'd started reacting to a watermelon at a party, and I had to make him put it down and eat something else before it got worse. -Brandy Lee On the next page, one of the strangest 'twin' things you'll ever hear about!
Just one of those twin things…
Both of the following are pretty valid queries:
via: GettyPlease stop eating my shoes (to the 4-year-old), Why are all the fridge magnets in your pillowcase (to the 2-year-old)? That's today's record so far. -Racheli Glasser
The difference between want and need.
Context is key.
via: Getty“Stop screwing people!" While then 3 year old runs around the house with a play screwdriver yelling “I’m gonna screw you!!" -Brookelyn Elizabeth
This is an unconventional and not-so-imaginary friend:
via: GettyNo, you can not sleep with the watermelon even if you named him Billy. -Jennifer Cain Keep reading for parents' reactions to their kids' shenanigans, from school to the backseat of the car!
Sound advice, if strange.
Ah, the beauty of irony. And quesadillas.
via: GettyThe weirdest was “Take your elbows off your quesadilla." But my personal fave is “STOP SHOUTING!" delivered at full volume trying to be heard over *their* shouting. -Katie Banks
Of all the strange places to make orange juice
Talk about a lesson in biology.
via: GettyNo, you do not need to duct tape your butt. I understand that duct tape fixes everything, but that crack is supposed to be there. -Micky Kahn
And don’t get us started on what kids get up to at school!
Not the best threat to make in front of your neighbors:
via: GettyWhen my son was three, I bought him a set of wiffle balls at the store. He threw a huge tantrum on the way home for some unrelated thing. We arrived at the house, got out of the car, and in front of a large group of neighbors I shouted at my son, "DO YOU WANNA KEEP YOUR BALLS?!?!" -Michelle Young
One life lesson everyone should learn at a young age:
via: Getty“We don’t ride the pony naked!" My youngest had a rocking horse and would run away without her diaper and try to ride it. -Jennifer Geake
Remember kids: don’t listen to Grandpa!
The downsides of getting inspiration from superheroes.
via: Getty“No, you can’t throw the dog to see if she can fly like Superman!" Also had to argue with him that he couldn’t jump out of a two-story window to see if he could just because he had a “cape" on. -Angelique Rosbury
Personal space is important.
You can’t always trust your kids’ definition of something.
If only fish worked like this:
via: Getty"I'm sorry, but no, we can't put the fish(finger) back in the sea." -Emma Dawes
Some kids will do anything to get out of school for the day.
The trouble with woodchucks:
via: GettyIt's NOT dead just unconscious. Quit crying and help me get this woodchuck (who is now waking up) out of the living room! -Sylvia Sullivan