The holidays are upon us! It is the time of year where you are charged with buying gifts for your siblings, your parents, your friends, your parents’ friends… Honestly, the list goes on and on and it is quite tiresome. It can be really hard to know what to get for people. The traditional gifts (socks, ties, chocolates…) are all well and good, but I think in the year 2018, it is time for you to get a little creative with the gifts you give.
People don’t want or need another sweater or winter scarf. They want strange-smelling candles, skin treatments for their feet, books of hilarious feminist erotica, and giant beach blankets in the shape of a pizza pie. It is a weird time in our world. We all deserve a little laugh. Give the people what they actually want and will use this holiday season. I know. What a novel idea.
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These Face Masks
Um, you simply cannot beat the deal of 16 facial masks for $10. You simply cannot! This is the perfect gift to say to your friend, “These are for you, but also can we do a spa day together and can some of them be for me?” These masks are made from all different formulas that help moisturize and nourish and tighten up the skin on your face.
People absolutely love the dramatic power of the Baby Foot Peel. About a week after one session of soaking your feet in the solution bags, dead skin will start falling off of your feet in chunks like you wouldn’t believe. I want that so bad. It’s almost like when you were little and would cover your fingers in glue and peel it off, but this time, it will be your skin.
This Bathtub Tray
After you pop open that bottle of wine, pour yourself a giant glass (I mean like, filled to the top), and settle down for a relaxing bath. But aren’t baths more trouble than they’re worth? you might ask. Don’t the pages of your book get all soggy and isn’t it hard to do anything while you’re lying there? Not if you have this perfect bath tray, which has a place specifically for your wine glass, and another for your book, and your phone, and anything else you might need!
This Hilarious Book of Erotica for Feminists
This volume of sexy, feminist erotica is written by the four funny women behind the humor site, The Belladonna! The book (out November 13) is based on their McSweeney’s piece of the same name. If that piece is any indication, this whole volume is going to make any badass woman in your life cackle. If you like sexy talk about equal pay and electing women to Congress, then New Erotica for Feminists is the book for you.
This Bubbly Clay Mask
Not only will this carbonated clay mask make your skin feel smooth and fresh and healthy, but it is carbonated, so it will literally bubble on your skin and make you look like an adorable rock monster! I swear, you won’t be able to apply this to your face without giggling. And yes, it really works. People love this stuff, and not just because of the bubbles (although that is a big plus).
Life is tough these days. You deserve to relax and calm down once in a while. This essential oil diffuser will help you do just that. Just add a few drops of your favorite essential oil to the water, and this little machine will make your air smell great. You can also use it without essential oils as a humidifier when you are feeling sick!
This Giant Water Bottle
Oh hell yes, I want this giant wine glass that holds an entire bottle. Sometimes you just have nights like that, and it can be embarrassing to go back and continue pouring. This thing solves that problem and more. It is actual glass, so you don’t have to sacrifice an ounce of class when you finish off that bottle. This huge wine glass could also be great to use for homemade scorpion bowls (if you’re in the mood to share).
This Gag Gift of Dehydrated Water
This is the perfect gift for the thirsty person in your life who can also take a joke. It is a 16 oz. can of 100 percent organic, BOA-free, low-sodium, lightweight, and magical dehydrated water. All you have to do is add water! The instructions are simple: “Empty contents into any sized container. Add water to taste. Drink then question your life choices.” Sounds about right to me!
These Gameboy Fridge Magnets
Um, these fridge magnets are super clever and I love them a lot, especially because they look like the old-school Gameboy. The best part about these is that they are washable dry-erase boards, so they are perfect for writing down your shopping list. The minute you chug the rest of the milk, you can add it to the FreezerBoy magnet so you don’t forget to buy more next time you are at the store.
This Facial Spray
People love this set of two refreshing facial mist sprays. One is made of rosewater, aloe, and herbs, and the other is comprised of aloe, cucumber, and green tea. Use these before your moisturizer or after you have applied your makeup to keep your skin feeling fresh, renewed, and rejuvenated. It is totally gentle on your skin, so you can use it as much as you need.
This Himayalan Salt Lamp
People swear by the healing and relaxing effects of Himalayan salt. Just having this lamp in your living space has a soothing and calming effect on anyone who happens to be around it. Seriously! Many have reported getting a better night’s sleep once they have the Himayalan salt crystal lamp in their room. It also looks great and gives off such a soft and lovely glow.
These Silicone Straws
I have a bunch of the stainless steel ones, but I miss being able to play with and chew on my straws. So, I need these soft and squishy silicone straws stat. Plus, I totally love these rainbow colors. However, if I am being totally honest, I would one hundred percent choose the yellow and green ones all day every day because those are my favorite colors.
These Squishy Stress Toys
Fidget spinners are out, and these little adorable squishy animal toys are in! I just made that up, but I am pretty sure it will be a trend soon. Because look at how cute they are! You get all 16 of these little guys for less than $10. They are the perfect stress-reliever to keep on your desk or in your locker or even in your purse. Keep your hands busy by taking one of these with you wherever you go!
This Pizza Beach Blanket
If you learned anything from my pizza pouch rant, it is that I love pizza. And chances are you do too. Pizza is the best. And that is why you need this oversized pizza blanket to bring to the beach and make everyone jealous. It will fulfill your secret lifetime wish to become a pizza topping. If for some ungodly reason you’re not a huge pizza fan, they have so many other adorable beach blankets, including an avocado, a rainbow, a pineapple, and a popsicle.
These Dog Butt Magnets
Sure, you could buy regular old fridge magnets for your dog-loving friend, but why do that when these magnets that look just like dog butts exist? This set comes with a poodle butt, a little Scottie butt, a pug butt, a Dalmatian butt, and a golden retriever butt. It even comes with a fire hydrant magnet so you don’t get any accidents. How wonderfully thoughtful.
This candle smells just like adulting, which is something you might not want to be reminded of. But it is infused with insufficient funds, so at least the smell will be familiar. This is an all-natural soy candle whose actual scent will remind you of early work mornings. It smells like freshly brewed roasted coffee with hints of caramel and vanilla cream. Honestly, it is making me hungry just describing this candle.
This Adult Coloring Book
What is an adult coloring book if not a way to help you calm down? So, this one just gets a little…explicit with it. This book is full of abstract doodles as well as animals, people, and fairies that you can color in while you are sitting on the couch with a glass of wine. Each picture has its own “motivational” quote, like “Home is where the vodka is” or “suck it up, buttercup.” Basically, this coloring book is everything you need right now.
This Dad Belly Bag
If you have a friend or a family member with a sense of humor, please buy this fanny pack for them this holiday season. It is such a hilarious gift that also happens to be kind of practical! And it comes in four different versions: This hairy dad bod, a tanned pack of abs, an extra hairy belly, and a weirdly soft and hairless belly that looks like a baby’s bald head.
Teddy bears are pretty traditional holiday gifts for kids, but not teddy bears with tiny heads!! This is the weirdest and cutest stuffed animal I have ever seen and I would honestly love receiving this as a gift as an adult. I don’t know whose idea this was, but it is perfect. And they don’t just make bears with tiny heads. They’ve got an elephant, a lion, a fox, a sloth… And they’re all equally adorable.
This Pizza Pouch
OK, I for sure need at least one of these. The pizza pouch may seem like a silly, frivolous gift, but I do not see it that way. I need a way to transport my pizza hands-free, and this is it! Honestly, I would be such an embarrassment if someone bought this for me because I would actually use it like crazy, and no one would want to be seen in public with me. Their loss. I’ll be the one with the pizza necklace.
This Moon Night Light
Space! The final frontier! If you are a fan of outer space or know someone who is, you should really buy this night light that looks just like the moon. It comes in a few different sizes and with a few different bases, so you are bound to find one that will appeal to the style and sensibilities of your moon-loving friend. You can shift between white and yellow light and adjust the brightness too!
This Alpaca Lamp
This alpaca lamp is advertised as for kids, but really, it is just a great piece of decor that could fit in any cute home. It is battery-operated, so you do not have to worry about tripping over any cords, and it has a hole in the back, so it can easily be hung up on the wall or placed on a mantle or desk. If pink alpacas don’t go with your motif, don’t you worry. There are 20 different shapes and colors to choose from, including a cactus, a moon, and a bright pink unicorn.
This Mermaid Blanket
When I was a little kid, I used to put my legs in pillowcases when I was watching The Little Mermaid because I wanted to be a mermaid. But this is an actual mermaid blanket! This would have made my dreams come true! If you’ve got mermaid aspirations or just really cold feet, this is the blanket for you. It comes in several lovely oceanic colors.
This Gold Face Mask
Why buy a regular moisturizing face mask when you can buy a gold moisturizing face mask? There I go again with the rhetorical questions. This peel-off mask includes collagen, which firms up the lines in your skin, moisturizes your face, and leaves you with a youthful glow. Every inch of this thing is soaked with anti-aging ingredients. It’s the perfect addition to a homemade at-home spa day kit.
I think you definitely know someone who wants a praying mantis finger puppet, but they just might not know it yet. It seems like a prank gift, but it’s really a gift that goes a long way. Maybe you know someone who is genuinely into puppeteering and putting on shows, which would be great. But maybe you have a friend who just likes putting bugs in people’s beds and scaring the crap out of them. Either way, this is perfect.
This Candle for Lefties
I have seen a lot of strange scented candles in my life, but I have never seen a candle specifically made for lefties. As someone with a lot of lefties in my family, I know how difficult it can be. Although, none of my family members have ever had trouble lighting a candle… According to the product description, this candle is preschool paste scented and “smells like the weird scissors,” so you know it will be totally nostalgic!
These Chicken Leg Socks
Knee socks are just great, and even though socks are a pretty traditional holiday gift, these are definitely not traditional. They make you look like you have chicken legs while also keeping you comfy and warm! They will go with pretty much any outfit, but you do get bonus points if you wear these with a feathery dress. I’m telling you, chicken leg socks are where it’s at.
Oh my goodness, this is the perfect travel pillow for the person who travels a lot and likes to doze on the plane. I already put a hoodie up and then put my travel pillow around my neck as it is. This would eliminate the need for that hoodie! It comes in five different colors, too, so you are bound to find one that is right up the alley of the person you’re buying the gift for. (It’s you, isn’t it?)
This Bluetooth Speaker
Let loose your bathroom-bound rockstar! Admit it: You are already singing in the shower every morning or night. Maybe you prop your phone up on the sink and play music from there, but wouldn’t it be so much better if you had a speaker inside your shower? You know it would. This waterproof Bluetooth speaker comes with a metal hook (if you want to hang it off a backpack), but it’s perfect for the shower too.
These Animal Paw Gloves
They could be cat paws or maybe bear paws. Whatever they are, they are also fingerless gloves that will keep you warm during those cold winter days. They’re great for Halloween costumes but also for everyday life, and they come in eight different colors: gray, black, beige, brown, dark brown, pink, green, and khaki. Your fingers stay free so even if you’re dressed up like a bear, you can still use your phone.
Everyone knows that the best party cocktails are served in hollowed-out watermelons. But instead of creating a mess and using a ladle, this keg kit creates a perfect tap that is easy to install in the wall of that giant fruit. It comes with a second tool that helps you carve out a perfect hole. Trust me, your party guests will be extremely impressed and maybe a little concerned that you own a keg just for your watermelons.