The products featured in this list are completely, 100 percent innocent…unless you happen to have a dirty mind.
In that case, well, maybe they’re slightly less innocent.
We hope you find these products as awesome as we do. Just an FYI: We are a participant in the Amazon affiliate program, and Brainjolt may receive a share of sales from links on this page. Prices on Amazon fluctuate so anything mentioned below might change as soon we publish it!
This Banana Slicer Slices Bananas
Or any other banana-shaped thing you happen to use it on.
Whatever you like on your cereal!
Give This Eggplant Stressball a Squeeze!
My parents always told me that there was no problem that couldn’t be solved by squeezing the ol’ eggplant. This one is made of foam and is ideal for people who love eggplants — the emoji or the food!
But maybe the eggplant isn’t your favorite emoji. In that case, let me propose this next product…
Show off Your Love of Peaches with This Peach Emoji Hat
Everybody likes peaches, right? They’re perfectly round, juicy, and just all-around delicious. Let people know where you stand on matters of orchard crops with this stylish baseball hat.
The Shake Weight Promises Quite the Workout
The Shake Weight provides a unique exercise experience that isn’t matched by any other activity you could possibly do. In just 6 minutes a day, you can exercise your arms, shoulders, and chest. (That’s right, it only lasts for 6 minutes! The exercising, I mean.)
Work out All Your Kinks with This Personal Massager
With 10 different speeds and eight different vibration patterns, there’s not a single part of your body that wouldn’t benefit from some one-on-one time with this massager. No matter where you’re aching, this thing is sure to come in handy.
This Vegetable Holder Is Definitely Just for Vegetables
Simply stick the prongs into an onion, potato, or whatever you want to slice and this gadget will keep your hands safe from the knife and prevent slippage. Why? What did you think it was for?
This Pot O’ Gold Cookie Cutter Makes Adorable Cookies
That shape can only be one thing: A pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! This cookie cutter is sure to come in handy next Saint Patrick’s Day!
Celebrate Your Favorite Animal with This Jumbo Geoduck Sticker
Have you ever seen anything even vaguely similar to a geoduck? Probably not! The geoduck is the largest burrowing clam in the world. It’s also one of the longest living — the oldest one on record is 168 years old! Show off your love of this incredible animal with this sticker. If size matters to you, you should know that this sticker is more than 11 inches long.
Here’s Another Banana Slicer!
Wow. Who knew there were so many handy gadgets for things shaped like a banana? This device makes it easy to perfectly slice your banana in seconds.
Ready for Dessert? Eat Some Spotted Dick!
This delicious dessert has been made in Manchester since 1910. It’s a delicious cake dotted with sultanas and flavored with cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and cloves. This listing is for a single 10.2-ounce can of spotted dick.
Fans of Chicken Will Appreciate This Cookbook
Have you ever eaten cock? What about eating it 50 different ways? This cookbook includes recipes for dishes like Rissoto Cock Balls and something called Cock-o’s. It’s an ideal gift for the bride-to-be who loves to cook!
This Mushroom Stress Ball Is a Great Way to Relieve Stress
Another stress ball? You bet! This one is much stretchier and more flexible than the eggplant one we listed above. Why not get one for each hand?
This Play-Doh Kit Lets You Make Delicious-Looking Play-Doh Treats
The extractor that comes with it is also completely innocent and definitely doesn’t look like something you wouldn’t want your kids playing with. Kit includes 2 cans of Play-Doh.
Have a Happy Time with This Lotion
When you have lotion at your disposal, any time can be Happy Time. The citrus-y scent will leave you smelling fresh and feeling refreshed.
This Men’s Romper Is Another Great Gift for the Eggplant Enthusiast
Hey, some people really like eggplants! No judgment here. If you want to show off your love of eggplants, why not wear a romper covered in them?
This Coffee Mug Tells the World How You Like Your Cake
There’s nothing better than a nice, moist slice of cake. This mug is microwave- and dishwasher-safe.
The Slotdog Makes for the Best Hot Dog Experience Ever
The Slotdog’s steel blades cut slots into hot dogs which expand as the dog cooks, allowing the smoky, grilled flavor to penetrate deeper into the meat. The slots also keep condiments from slipping down to your buns.
This Wall Calendar Will Make You Smile All Year Long
This calendar features 12 months of artistic rooster photography. There’s nothing like ringing in a new month with a new cock!
This Georgia O’Keefe Print Reminds Us of Something…
A cave! That’s it!
This print features some very lovely colors. The print is 11 inches by 14 inches. It’d look great next to the cock calendar on your wall!
This Bike Tailight Is Sure to Get People’s Attention
Safety is important! When you’re out biking at night, it’s important that you remain visible to other people on the road. This taillight’s design is sure to get you noticed while you’re cycling. It’s easily installed in seconds and features three different light modes.
Keep Your Bananas Safe with a Banana Protector
You know what they say about bananas. Always use protection! Place your banana in one of these plastic cubbies in order to keep it from getting bumped and bruised.
This Curling Wand Makes Curling Your Hair Easier Than Ever
The unique bubble design leaves your hair looking tousled and textured. It heats up to 400ºF and includes a protective glove for worry-free styling.
This Face Slimming Tool Will Give Your Face a Great Workout
Simply pop one of these in your mouth and go to town! With regular use, the muscles in your face will become noticeably firmer and it may also reduce the appearance of wrinkles. Also, you’ll look pretty hilarious.
This Citrus Reamer Is Double-Sided
That means that with some talent, you could probably use both ends at once! Simply twist the reamer into an orange, lemon, lime, or other fruit and enjoy some fresh-squeezed juice. And it’s dishwasher-safe!
These Worm Balloons Would Be a Hit at Your Next Party!
They measure 9″ when completely inflated and would be a great addition to your next bug-themed party.
These Horse Hobbles Are Lined with Fleece for Extra Comfort
If you plan to use hobbles on your horse, you obviously want to go with the most comfortable design possible. These ones are lined with fleece and are adjustable to ensure the best fit.
This Face Massager Is a Great Tool for Relieving Tension
Rub it all over your face and enjoy how nice it feels! Its unique design improves blood circulation and can tighten your skin.
Beat Your Eggs into Submission with This Whisk
This whisk is great for whipping eggs — or anything else! It comes in eight different colors and is dishwasher-safe.
This Makeup Blender Sponge Makes Blending Effortless
The easy-to-grip shape ensures you’ll be able to keep a firm hold on it during use. It can be used for both liquid and cream foundations.
Boudreaux’s Butt Paste Is Some of the Best Diaper Rash Ointment Out There
If you’re a parent dealing with diaper rash, Boudreaux’s Butt Paste is definitely something you’ll want to add to your home. It’s free from dyes, preservatives, parabens, and talc.
These Wine Bottle Stoppers Keep Your Wine Fresh
These handy gadgets come in handy whenever you have an opened bottle of wine you want to keep for a few more days. The stoppers are easily inserted into the bottleneck and can provide an air-tight seal.
This Toilet Plunger Is Perfect for Big Jobs
Its unique, flexible design makes it perfect for removing even the most stubborn clogs. Best of all, it can easily be rinsed clean and is small enough to store just about anywhere.