In case you missed it, gender has become super topical recently.
Explorations of the feminine, masculine, trans, and gender-queer perspectives have sparked heated debates all over the world. As certain voices (aka non-male voices) begin growing stronger, quintessential 1950s-esk conservative masculinity has started seemingly grasping at straws, desperately trying to maintain its steady bearings within popular culture.
Our proof? These thirty-five "mens" products that feel completely arbitrarily "mens."
However you identify, this list is seriously cray. I didn't want to keep reading, but also I seriously needed to know more.
Old Spice Swagger
via: TumblrMan sized swag. The size of men. Because men have their own size. DUH.
Prayers for Men
via: TumblrI hope these are mostly prayers for less B.O. I feel like less B.O. could really turn masculinity's endurance prospects around. You know, that, and also a complete revamp of what it means to be a man in modern society...but baby steps.
Man ChocolateTrust us. You don't want to take this from us.
Hearty Man Salad
via: TumblrAlso known as a heart attack salad. Also, what is "tasty cheese"?
via: TumblrSo, quick follow up question...when are we gonna start seeing all the body-shaming posts about men wearing their meggings in public and meggings not being pants? Never? Cool.
via: TumblrFor the manliest sneezing ever. Jk. No need to lie to each other. We all know what these are for.
via: TwitterFor after you use those "Mansize Kleenex." *Facepalm*
Man Grenade Bath BlasterGuys... Why?
Colgate Max White For Men
Men's BreadSuper crumbly. Much like everything else on this whole freakin' list.
A Man's Daiquiri Has Its LimitsI'd like to submit a formal apology to all of the world's cups. You've done nothing but help us drink things and eat the occasional snack of cereal when all our bowls were dirty. You didn't deserve to get caught up in all this.
via: Bored PandaSnack like a man. Or else.
Extreme Dude Drink
via: Bored PandaThis drink looks...weird. Men, y'all can have this one.
ManCandlesMan-dles. Aro-man-therapy. I mean, guys, if you really wanted to go there...go there.
Man Bowl: The Dog Bowl For Men
via: Bored PandaNow men are closing in on dogs too?! It's happening. The Bropocalyse is upon us.
via: TumblrNooooooooooooooooo! Not Pocky! I LOVE Pocky! Ugh.
This Bro Dog With Bows
via: TumblrPeople feel so heated about this! Guys, he feels fine. Cool it.
Q-Tips For MenJamming wax even further down mens' ear canals left and right. Maybe this is why they're never listening...
Radox For Men in Heroic and StrongOfficial shampoo of Prince Charmings everywhere, guys. *Vomits*
Buddhism For DudesFor dudes who are sick and tired of chicks with the nerve to seek Nirvana. Riiight?
Even Loofahs Have Become GenderedAnyone who would rather use a "Men's Bath Sponge" over a "Cleansing Bath Pouf" is just lying to themselves. Case closed.
Big Brick of Men's SoapBig like a brick, because... Women lifting bricks? Fugetaboutit!
The "Bros Gold" iPhone
via: TumblrYou too, Apple? Geeeeeeez.
Earplug Battle of the SexesThese boxes are just so telling. They hurt my heart.
Man Therapy"No, not just the hippies." Where's the button to com-mute this psychobabble?
The Man Game
via: TumblrThat warning. I can't.
The Ultimate Valentine For Men
via: TumblrA romantic gesture strong enough... ...to keep masculinity's crumbling infrastructure intact.
The Crochet DudeA truthstorm is coming. Alright men, time to scarf up!
Boys' Fairy Tales
via: TumblrAll the childhood stories you love... ...sans anything even remotely intersectional.
Man Sized Bag of Crushed Salt & Vinegar Potato Chips
via: TumblrJust big enough... ...to seriously salt any man's game.
Specialty Paper for MenPaper. Super gendered.
Make-Up For Men
via: TumblrNow men are brutally criticizing their own bodies? C'mon guys, that was our thing!
One Store, Two FrontsThe adult version... ...of the "no girls allowed" treehouse.
Bounce For MenSeriously? Seriously?
And Finally...Water For Men
via: Twitter*Buys in bulk* *Hands out at any and all future women's marching events*