Sometimes, you need to treat yourself to something absolutely bonkers. Maybe you had a bad day. Maybe you had a great day! Either way, you deserve to buy yourself something that is super silly, but also still extremely useful and functional. Luckily, Amazon has pretty much anything you could ever want. And also some things you need. And also some really fun products that you do not need but desperately want and deserve.
This is that list. From a book about experiments that you can do on your own baby to a hotel for your pet fish to a smart notebook that actually transfers what you hand-write onto your phone or computer, these products are super fun and really weird, but they are also totally functional and useful. Some of these things even solve problems you did not know you had or serve functions you didn’t even know you needed.
This Unicorn Blanket
Do you need a unicorn blanket with a hood and little mittens for your hands? No. Do you want one? Yes. Do you deserve one? Double yes. Sure, it might be billed as a gift for kids, and if you have kids in your life who would want one, definitely buy it for them. But just because it says it is for kids between the ages of four and 12 doesn’t mean it is just for kids.
This may look crazy, but it’s actually really practical and helpful if you often paint your own nails. No, it’s not a Ring Pop. Please do not try to eat it. What you do is where this thing like a ring and shove a nail polish bottle in it when you are painting your nails. This keeps the polish ready and right there so you aren’t reaching over yourself and losing track of it and knocking it around.
Listen, you have kids for a reason, and that reason is to use them for science experiments. Is it not? This hilarious book is full of 50 fun and harmless experiments that you can perform on your own human child. It’s a little more serious than it seems! This book shows you how to re-create landmark scientific studies that have to do with cognitive behavior, motor skills, language, and behavioral development on your own kid!
This Burrito Blanket
One of the greatest feelings in the world is being wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito. Ask my dog. It’s all he wants to do every single day. Finally, there is a blanket specifically made to make you feel like a burrito. Because it’s a giant tortilla. Beware: This blanket might make you look like a delicious snack, and someone might try to eat you. But it is worth it to finally feel like the burrito you were always meant to be.
This giant Swiss army knife might seem ridiculous, and you know what? It is. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t useful. It totally is! This big baby has 87 implements and 141 functions. I don’t even have that many functions. I am not going to list all the implements that come on this Swiss army knife, but some highlights are the fish scaler, the mineral crystal magnifier, and the flashlight.
This Skin Hydrating Stick
This is a hydrating stick for your face. Sure, it might feel like rubbing chapstick all over your noggin, which is why it made the bonkers list, but the results are worth the weirdness! This soothing balm relieves dry skin instantly, and it works on your face, lips, and the rest of your body too. It’s really all-purpose. This hydrating formula also fades scars, promotes healing, and protects your skin from future damage.
These Magic Soothing Globes
OK, these little globes may look really silly, but they work to soothe redness and relieve sinuses and headaches. Store them in the freezer, fridge, or a bowl of cold water. Then use them in a rolling motion on your face, back, neck, hands, and feet. They will stimulate your nerves to tighten your skin, relieve pain, and increase circulation to these important points on your body.
This Whoopsy Desk Lamp
This silly lamp looks like paint spilling out of a can, but it’s really a source of light for your desk or nightstand! It comes in three vibrant colors: the purple pictured here, bright blue, or bright yellow! It is perfect for the artsy desk of a creative soul! I think you actually get bonus points if you use it in an art studio in which you actually paint. I bet it would really fool people.
These Human Face Stress Toys
It is nice to have something tactile to squeeze in order to relieve some stress and anxiety when it is welling up inside of you. These little stress toys are perfect for that. They also happen to look like human faces. I can’t tell if they are supposed to be old people or little babies, but to me, they are equal parts cute and creepy, and I am totally on board.
For any animal aficionado who loves elephants and wants to pay tribute to them in your home, may I suggest this elephant head wall hook! It is perfect for hanging coats and umbrellas and anything else you need to. If this matte black doesn’t go with your decor, don’t worry, it comes in two other colors: a rustic bronze color that’s green and gold, and a textured gray.
This Drink Layering Tool
If you are into making fancy cocktails at home (and honestly, who isn’t), you need this drink layering tool. The special design of the tool slows the flow of the liquids you are pouring into the glass so you get nice, Instagrammable layers based on the different densities of the liquids. You will hardly want to drink your drink when you make it so pretty with this layering tool.
This Fish Hotel
Let me tell you a little story. I once won a pair of fish at a fair. I brought them home in plastic bags. I named them Fred and Ethel. Fred lived for 10 years. No joke, 10 years. And in those 10 years, he never lived in anything as nice as this fish hotel. Do your fish a favor and treat them to a luxurious swimming situation for the duration of their lives.
These Flavored Hydration Tubes
These flavor-packed tubes offer you balanced electrolyte drinks with no sugar to keep you hydrated while you’re active (or hungover, let’s be honest). This combo pack includes the following delicious flavors: lemon-lime, strawberry lemonade, fruit punch, grape, tropical, and tri-berry. All you have to do is dissolve a tablet in some water. And there are 12 tablets per tube, so this pack will last you good long a while!
I don’t know what it is about this stuffed bear, but I love it so much. OK, I know exactly what it is. It’s the tiny head. This bear is 18 inches tall, but by the look of it, only one of those inches is his head. I can’t stop laughing. He is way too cute. If this bear doesn’t amuse you, first, go get your eyes checked out because I’m not convinced you’re seeing properly. Second, there are also elephants, sloths, and lions with tiny heads. Something for everyone who loves a tiny-headed animal.
This Hot Dog Toaster
Sure. This hot dog toaster only performs one very specific function. But it is an important function. The ability to quickly and easily heat up a hot dog (well, two really!) can be very important for parents of small kids who love hot dogs, or even just adults who like to eat hot dogs. It comes in retro red or aqua blue, and it has got a great vintage feel.
This Himalayan Salt Lamp
People swear by the healing and relaxing effects of Himalayan salt. Just having this lamp in your living space has a soothing and calming effect on anyone who happens to be around it. Seriously! Many have reported getting a better night’s sleep once they have the Himayalan salt crystal lamp in their room. It also looks great and gives off such a soft and lovely glow.
This is like a beer koozy on steroids. This will make you feel like the Hulk while you drink a beer, and isn’t that everything you want from life? This baby comes in green, beige blue and red. You and your friends should all get them and have the world’s most badass fistbump party. That’s right: a fistbump party. That’s totally a thing. I didn’t just make it up.
This Dad Bod Bag
If you have a friend or a family member with a sense of humor, please buy this fanny pack for them this holiday season. It is such a hilarious gift that also happens to be kind of practical! And it comes in four different versions: This hairy dad bod, a tanned pack of abs, an extra hairy belly, and a weirdly soft and hairless belly that looks like a baby’s bald head.
Party time! When you throw a pool party, you obviously want to make drinks available for people all over the party, including in the pool. That is where these inflatable flamingo drink holders come in. Of course, where there are cute pink birds, there are drinks! These guys will make all your pool party guests’ dream come true. It may not be summer right now, but it’s never too early to start dreaming.
There is no right moment to talk to your cat about gun safety. You just have to commit to having the conversation, sit down, and do it. As you know, cats are evil, and they have been known to pull a trigger now and then, whether accidentally or not. They need to know how to safely handle a gun so no one gets hurt. Cats may have nine lives, but you don’t.
This Runaway Alarm Clock
If you are one of those deep sleepers who hits the snooze button one or two or a thousand times before actually getting up in the morning, you need Clocky, the original runaway alarm clock. That is right. Clocky will wake you up in the morning with a loud, honking alarm, and then it will run away so you literally have to get out of bed and chase it down to turn it off.
These Rescue Remedy Drops
This tiny little bottle will help you relieve stress and finally relax for once. Add four drops of this mixture to any drink or drop them straight onto your tongue, and the all natural, homeopathic blend of flower oils will keep you feeling calm and in control in the moments you need it the most. And do not worry; it is not habit-forming at all.
This Banana Slicer
This banana slicer went viral on Amazon because it has some of the most ridiculous reviews. It really is the world’s most effective banana slicer. The question is, “Do you really need a banana slicer?” The answer is obviously yes. How else are you going to get perfectly uniform slices of bananas every time? You don’t have an adequate answer, do you? You need it. Just do it.
These Lobster Claw Pot Holders
Let’s be honest with each other. You have always wanted to know what it would be like to have lobster claws. I knew it! You are not alone. And now is your chance. These silicone lobster claws are not simply a super fun way to cosplay as a crustacean, however. They are also pot holders. They will protect your hands when you pick up hot pots and pans while cooking.
These Drink Pouches
Now is your chance to make homemade Capri Suns! What more could you want when you are an adult who grew up in the ’90s? I am assuming you grew up in the ’90s. If you didn’t, trust us when we tell you that drinking out of a patch is super fun. This pack of 50 BPA-free recloseable zippered drink pouches is perfect for kids and adults alike.
This Martini Tumbler
Despite the fact that it is not legal to bring alcohol in cups with you to most places, you definitely need this martini tumbler. It is insulated and has a secure top and comes in 21 different colors. I honestly want to drink all of my beverages out of this. It is a great novelty gift for someone obsessed with cocktails. Get the party started!
You need a place to relax and unwind after a hard day of work, and this hanging hammock chair is the perfect place to do it. It is super relaxing just to swing back and forth and not think about a thing. The best thing is that it can be installed outdoors or indoors. If you have an especially spacious bedroom, hang a hammock chair from the ceiling!
Maybe you live alone and don’t want to make enough coffee for a whole household in the morning. Maybe you work in an office with a truly toxic break room situation and need your own coffee maker. Either way, this single cup coffee maker is for you. It uses k-cups or other coffee pods to quickly brew the best cup of joe you’ll have all day.
This Scarf Flask
Now, this is what I am talking about. If you do not own a scarf that is also a flask that you can drink directly from, what are you even doing with your life? You need this! It’s a real scarf with a hidden eight-ounce bladder inside. It comes in seven fun and funky patterns and is perfect for sneaking drinks into concerts or festivals!
This Adult Coloring Book
Do you know what helps when you are stressed out? Cursing. It is scientifically proven. Do you know what else helps when you are stressed out? Relaxing and coloring in a coloring book. Well, this combines both perfect activities! This adult coloring book comes with a set of 30 markers too! You will never be stressed again. OK, that’s a lie, but you’ll have a great way to alleviate that stress right at your fingertips!
Confession: I get so mad when people drive or park terribly. We are all just trying to get places, people! Why can’t we just be nice to each other about it and be respectful of everyone’s time and space?! It drives me nuts. That is why I love these parking cards with my whole heart. People who park like buttholes should not get away with it. They should understand the pain that they caused people.
These Third-Eye Sunglasses
These are the perfect addition to your Coachella or Burning Man outfit for this year. Really freak people out by drawing a third eye on your forehead for when you take them off! Just putting these on will make you feel like you know all the secrets of the world. And they come in four different fun lens colors: black, blue, green, and orange, so no matter what, they will go with your outfit.
You always toss your avocado pits in the trash when you peel one, right? No shame. I do it too. But now, with this cool kit, you can start to grow your very own avocado tree using a pit from any old avocado! It takes three to six weeks for a put to crack open and start to sprout. It’s the perfect gift for any budding gardener, whether they are five or 95!
This Middle Finger Candle
Sometimes you just have to give the world the middle finger and burn it all to the ground. You can do both with this weirdly realistic hand candle! It is a very detailed, veiny hand candle giving the middle finger, and I love it. It comes in five different colors: gold (pictured here), black, dark green, gray, and silver. Anyone who has been reading the news lately would appreciate this as a gift.
I love a phone case that includes a wallet, but most of the time they are really bulky and hard to use and cause more annoyance than they are worth. Not so with this one! This case is super slim and functional, and it has a great slide-off card holder for all your most important belongings. It comes in six cool colors, too: rose gold (pictured here), gunmetal, black, red, blush gold, and white.
This Smart Notebook
This is a smart notebook! Technology, man! Some things really blow me away, and this is one of them. This notebook connects with an app, and whatever you handwrite on these pages can be digitized and sent to your phone or computer. I know, right?! And the pages are reusable! All you have to do is microwave the notebook to erase and reuse the pages up to five times. Crazy.
These Odor-Eating Pads
All hail the Subtle Butt pads! If you are a big farter (just gotta come out and say it), these might come in handy for you. They are antimicrobial, activated charcoal pads that adhere right to your undergarments that filter out bad odors from your farts so you can toot without worrying about being the one caught when the people around you conduct their fart-vestigation.