One Twitter User Started a Hilarious Thread of the Signature Traits of 35-Year-Old Women

I just turned 30 a couple of months ago, and for the most part, life has been pretty much the same as it was at 29. But that may be because at 29, I was already a 35-year-old woman in my heart of hearts.

It has become a meme for people to make lists of things every woman should have by the age of 30 or 35. Recently, writer Anne Thériault flipped that meme on its head and provided a truly hilarious yet super real and relatable list of things every 35-year-old woman should be doing. Just reading this list will exhaust you and make you realize just how tough it is to be a woman in the world. Especially a woman over the age of 30. Women over 35 tend to be burdened with responsibilities that transcend their own needs. Other people rely on them, whether they’re partners or kids or less-mature friends. Women in their 30s deserve a break.

Being 35 is hard.

I just turned 30, and I can already see how things are going to get more complicated in the next few years.

Here’s what every woman should be doing by age 35, according to writer Anne Thériault:

This is so accurate. I would venture to say that my “library of sighs” is one of the largest in the world.

Other women quickly hopped on the bandwagon and started adding to the list:

I don’t understand it, but I turned 30 and immediately wanted to open all the windows in my apartment all the time.

Wine and whine

These are all great, but the way that “drinking wine” has become synonymous with having a personality is extra terrible.

Crypt keepers

Yes, we mourn our skin, but we also become super protective of it. I now wear so much more sunscreen than I ever did. Maria’s on a roll, y’all…

Workout clothes and fat dogs

OK, first of all, who packs workout clothes when you’re going on vacation? That’s absurd. And second of all, yes. Dogs are, in fact, the best.

Invited

Yes! I cannot stress this one enough. I would like to be invited to your events. I will never go, but I do want to be invited.

Wiping counters

I don’t know what happens, but I guess you hit your mid-30s and all of a sudden you have radar vision that spots every speck of dirt on your counter top.

On strike

It’s crazy how many people will depend on you to perform basic human functions by the time you’re in your 30s.

Forgetting what you need

This happens all the time, except once I’m sitting down and remember what I was going to get, I don’t want to get back up and get it. These just keep getting realer and realer.

Chin hairs

This may be TMI, but girl, I am way ahead of the game on this one! I’ve been pulling chin hairs out since my teens!

“Why?”

As you get older, you slowly start to realize just how much of the world makes literally no sense. And so you ask “Why?” a lot.

“Okay…”

It’s amazing how much mental energy I expend just ticking off small, menial tasks every day. It’s a wonder I get anything else done.

Cursing under your breath

If people have music blasting after like, 5 p.m. I am horrified. This is nighttime. Nighttime is for quiet.

“Go to bed!”

It’s tough. In your 30s, you will often find yourself yelling instructions that you yourself are not able to heed. It’s a conundrum. Feeling old yet? Well just wait…

“Not today, Satan!”

If you’re not talking to the devil on a regular basis by your mid-30s, I don’t trust you or understand how you go through your life.

Reparatory of looks

You need a library of sighs, a reparatory of looks, and an arsenal of sassy poses. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

“What the actual hell?”

This meme is way too real for women in their 30s who are just trying to make it through each day without letting everyone else burn down the world.

One-sided conversations

This is so true. Most of them occur while I’m in my car, driving by myself. I hope the people in cars next to me think I’m on the phone.

Cleaning

As a 35-year-old woman, you will be in charge of cooking dinner and then erasing all trace of that dinner. The next one is so true.

Work hoodie

Forget a work hoodie! I used to have a work blanket — straight up a cozy throw blanket I would drape over myself. It was the best.

Tightening every bottle top

Why do people (*ahem* men) think it is acceptable to leave the tops of things open, allowing the tops to get all crusty and gross?

This turn of phrase

Ah yes, I know this one well. This is my reaction to, well, pretty much anything that happens in my life at this point.

“Put a sweater on!”

I used to think it was cool to stand in the cold in a t-shirt and pretend I was comfortable. Those days are long over, and they should be for you too.

Cup corraller

Why do people (*ahem* men, and children) leave cups everywhere? It’s an epidemic, and it must end. Oh man, there’s still more!

Doctors’ appointments

OK, this is way too real. Why are women in charge of these things? This is like, emotional labor 101. Not fair!

Asking yourself questions

These are all questions which sadly will probably remain unanswered for the rest of your life.

On to 45

If you’re already over the hump of 35, at least you have these to look forward to! (I already do most of these.)

Makeup

Here’s the thing about makeup: I already never wear it. Too much effort. Too much money. No thank you!

More to the list

Good to know. Thanks, Jan. Share this with any 30-something women in your life!