But all this grisly stuff is very separate from the rest of pop culture — you know, the stuff about superheroes and dragon queens. It’s a strange time in entertainment, when our most popular forms of pop culture are wildly fantastic on one hand and unstintingly real on the other.
Maybe that’s why it’s so strange to see Ashton Kutcher — perhaps the very embodiment of fun, frivolous entertainment — testifying in the case of Ashley Ellerin, a young woman who was murdered in 2001. We’ll tell you how Kutcher got involved and why he was “freaking out” about his role in the incident right here, so stay tuned.
When you think about Ashton Kutcher, you probably think about the silly guy from That ’70s Show.
In Michael Kelso, Ashton played a complete and total moron, and in doing so, he created one of the most endearing characters in an already very endearing show.
Or maybe you remember him best for his role in Dude Where’s My Car?.
Here he is again, creating an endearing character just by being a complete lunkhead. Turns out, America will always love a dumb guy. (Just look at who we put in the White House, am I right?)
Or maybe The Ranch is your preferred Kutcher movie.
While I myself haven’t watched The Ranch, seeing Ashton lick a bottle of beer up and down before he hands it over doesn’t necessarily suggest that he’s playing a Harvard professor.
Is it possible that Ashton Kutcher isn’t even an actor at all? I mean, I don’t want to call him an idiot, but could it be that he’s just a big lovable labrador retriever of a man and is just up there on the screen being himself?
Most actors who make the jump from sitcoms to movies try to establish their capital-T talent by doing one of those Shakespeare-but-modern-day things that the Joss Wedon-types are always cranking out.
Ashton Kutcher is supposed to be a goofball, and the only goofball I want to be involved in a murder case is Detective Pikachu. (He made more wisecracks than you’d expect out of a detective or a Pikachu.)
Accused of murdering three different women between 1993 and 2001, Michael Gargiulo has been dubbed the “Hollywood Ripper,” which is about as scary a nickname as you can get.
The Los Angeles prosecutors are casting a wide net. With cases this big and salacious, it’s important to get every last bit of information on the record before the court.
Through a strange set of circumstances, Ashton Kutcher has found himself wrapped up in this case, and on Wednesday, he testified before the court.
According to People, Ellerin was getting ready to go out when an assailant “snuck into the woman’s Hollywood home and stabbed her forty-seven times.”
In a crazy turn of circumstances, the person that Ellerin was going to meet that night was up-and-coming sitcom actor, Ashton Kutcher. The pair had scheduled their first date.
Which, for a normal guy, you’d have to think would be a logical assumption. But have you seen Ashton Kutcher? I can’t imagine he ever gets stood up. I mean, those cheekbones alone…
Kutcher said that he called Ellerin a few times throughout the day, and when she didn’t answer, he decided to just pop on over.
No, he didn’t go there and rub his hand all over the doorknob like a weirdo. But he did knock and, upon noticing that the lights were on, tried the front door only to find that it was locked.
You never want your fingerprints at a crime scene. That’s why I wear gloves whenever I go to the bank — just in case someone robs it while I’m there.
It’s actually incredibly rare to be murdered by a stranger, as it now appears that Ellerin was, with only 9.7 per cent of victims being killed by someone that they’d never met before.
Ashton Kutcher could have been a suspect.
People is reporting that he never actually was a suspect, but that terrifying possibility had to have been in his mind.
It doesn’t look good when a woman ends up dead after she stands up a man who had, presumably, never been stood up before…
And, man, he better have brought flowers.
When you’re making That ’70s Show money, you can for sure afford flowers.
This move is maybe a liiiiiittle weird, but, hey, he didn’t know what was going on.
And the window was right there…
But, in one of the most horrifying details of the story, the prosecutors assert that what Ashton actually saw was Ellerin’s blood.
As Kutcher said on the stand, seeing spilled wine “wasn’t alarming because I went to her house party [days before] and it was like a college party. I didn’t think much about it.”
“My fingerprints are on this door and I was freaking out,” Kutcher said, according to People.
The number one thing that guilty people do not do is call the police.
Unless, of course, being arrested is a part of their plan… (It’s almost never a part of the plan, unless the person being arrested is The Joker or Loki.)
As the facts are being gathered as to what transpired between Ashley Ellerin and whoever killed her that night, Ashton Kutcher’s testimony could turn out to be vital.
The more precisely that a prosecutor can pinpoint when a crime took place, the more likely they are to find the killer.
Timelines can discredit or solidify a suspect’s alibi.
And that’s where the timeline comes into play in this case — prosecutors say that “there was a narrow, very narrow window of opportunity for someone to get into the house and murder Ashley.”
Chillingly, the prosecutors went on to say, “whoever that person was must have been watching.” That means this wasn’t a completely random murder — Ashley Ellerin was being stalked before her death.
You can see why Ashton Kutcher would freak out. The idea of being falsely accused of murder is horrible.
Going to prison for a crime that you didn’t commit is the stuff that nightmares are made out of, along with showing up to work without pants and having all your teeth fall out while you take a test you that didn’t study for…
In addition to being accused of killing Ashley Ellerin, Michael Gargiulo is also standing trial for the death of thirty-two-year-old Maria Bruno, who was stabbed to death in her home in 2008.
So if that does turn out to be the case, it sounds like the Gargiulo case is fairly open-and-shut.
But even so, it was good of Ashton to testify about what happened. Hopefully, his actions will lead to some sort of justice coming to whoever it was who killed Ashley Ellerin.