Look, no one can resist the soft pillows and fluffy blankets of a hotel bed. I love one as much as the next person. But I can also never quite escape the obsessive thoughts about how many people slept in that bed before me or the panicky wondering about if the sheets were thoroughly washed before I snuggled up in them. There is something so weird about hotels, no matter how nice they are.
It is weird enough to be staying in a perfectly normal hotel room, but then some hotels go and do extremely outwardly strange things that are so weird and unforgivable that it is literally haunting. This is a list of those things. These hotels have no idea how to be normal hotels. They are so strange, guys. So strange and so not OK. You might think it’s dramatic to say that these poorly-designed hotels will haunt your nightmares for years to come, but I don’t really think that’s an exaggeration.
If this dinosaur greeted you at the hotels you are about to see, it would not feel out of place.
In fact, a T-rex bellhop would be the least weird thing about these hotels. You might want to sit down for this list.
“If you’re reading this”
Oh heck no. No no no no no. This is disturbing on so many levels. Thank you to the good Samaritan who left this note.
Sample text
It seems as if the person choosing the quote for the wall designs in this hotel wasn’t able to make up their mind.
Far away
How… How are you supposed to go to the bathroom? I guess you’ll just have to predict how much toilet paper you’ll need before you sit down.
Display books
This is a crime. Whoever was involved in the conception and making of this sign should be sent to prison. Books are for reading, not just for display!
Top of the stairs
What is even happening here?! I bet it’s teeny tiny but still outrageously expensive. It is San Francisco, after all.
CPR instructions
Um, this is the best CPR poster I have ever seen in my life. The fact that it’s actually hanging in a hotel is concerning, however.
Locked in
Oh my goodness, what do you even do when you get stuck in the shower?! You don’t have your cell phone on you and you’re butt naked. Thank goodness there was someone else in the room with him.
No exit
You just have to make like Harry Potter and run headfirst into the corner wall. If you hit it just right, you’ll end up outside on the street.
Boiling
That is literally boiling. No human should get in a hot tub that is that hot. That would result in serious injuries.
“Palm tree”
I keep jumping out of my skin from just looking at this photo. I couldn’t imagine actually being in the presence of this spider-looking stitching.
Bloody carpet
This hotel hallway is basically saying, “It’s totally cool if you murder someone in this hotel and have to dispose of the body. Just zigzag the body down the hallway to disguise all the blood.”
Shower head height
Oh man! I’m pretty short, so I never have this problem, but this super sucks! You’d think hotel showers would be tall to cover almost anybody.
Salt and pepper
What a truly odd way to store salt and pepper packets. I wonder if someone was supposed to empty the packets into the shakers but just got super lazy.
Glass door
Why?! Why would any bathroom anywhere have a clear glass door so you can directly see the toilet? No thank you.
Floor windows
What in the world is going on here? Is this a hotel for small dogs and cats? Only they would be able to enjoy the view from these windows.
Magnifying mirror
I would have scared myself so hard if I was brushing my teeth, turned around, and suddenly saw this. No thank you.
Sink hole
This truly does give a whole new meaning to the word sinkhole. Where there was once a sink, there is now a hole.
Ineffective Braille
Braille won’t help anyone if it’s not actually composed of raised bumps. This is absurd!
911
I think there should probably be some sort of delineation between the situations for which one calls 911 and those where you call 0.
Missing the mark
This is…absurd. How does this happen? So many people had to look at this and be like, “Eh, looks fine to me” for some hotel guest to end up in this room.
Weird mug
As someone who recently took up pottery and has begun making ceramics of my own, I know mugs. And this mug is bizarre.
Hair mural
I don’t know what this is supposed to be, but it 100 percent looks like the wall of the shower after I’m done washing my hair.
No more warm water
This would make me so incredibly mad because I am someone who loves to basically scold myself with hot water when I take a shower.
Congrats Tulation
Who’s Tulation? And why are we congratulating her? This is truly something special.
Grass pool
This is the saddest non-pool I have ever seen. Someone had to fill that thing up with dirt. At least it’s still a pool for worms!
Hotel gym
The patheticness of this hotel gym is equal to the patheticness of my attempts to work out when I’m on vacation, so let’s call it even.
Courtyard view
Hey, there is a courtyard view! They just didn’t specify that the courtyard was the Courtyard Marriott.
Gold on gold
Only if you are very rich or have 20/20 vision can you see which direction your room is in. It weeds out those who aren’t worthy of the fancy hotel.
Big breakfast
This is terrible. There’s so much milk for so little cereal.
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