Awkward Stories That Will Literally Give You a Stomachache | 22 Words

Well, I hope you're someone who enjoys cringing because that's exactly what you're about to be doing.

We've all had embarrassing things happen to us. They're the experiences that keep you up at night and haunt you in your sleep. Even the tiniest detail can pop into your mind without warning, and suddenly your face is hot, and you have a stomachache due to the embarrassment all over again.

Try not to think about those embarrassing things right now. Need some help? You're in luck! We can distract you with these embarrassing moments other people experienced! And boy, oh boy are they awkward! I was getting uncomfortable reading through them in order to compile this list. It was like watching that "Scott's Tots" episode of The Office over and over again.

Anyway, ready to cringe? Let's get to it.

This person thought they were safe in the handicap stall.

We've all headed to the handicap stall at least once in our lives. It's so spacious! I never will again, though.

This kiss cam footage.

Is it just me or does this go on FOREVER?! I'm pretty sure I aged three years while watching this.

This handshake is absolutely incredible.

Nice to meet you. Come with me.

Oh no.

As someone who has previously worked at a bank, all I can do is say a prayer of thanks to the bank gods that this never happened to me. I don't think I would have been able to live that one down.

Open foot, insert mouth.

And that's why I am very, very ready for robots to take over all of our jobs. This wouldn't have happened if it was a robot server.

"Is this thing on?"

I am so curious about why she thought it was a microphone. Has anyone ever held an invisible microphone like that? Ever?

Well, that sucks.

OK, I'll admit it. This one legit made me cackle.

"Gpa" means "grandpa."

You might have to click on this image to see the whole thing. And that's the exact moment this person wished the Earth would open up and swallow them whole.

"Have a good baby!"

Hey, it could have been worse! And she probably does want a good baby, right?

The invisible recorder.

On the bright side, at least he wasn't annoying his entire family as he practiced. Maybe all the kids should "lose" their recorders.

*covers screen with hands*

This is definitely embarrassing, but at least the dude was cool about it? Unless he was dialing the police behind his back. Then he was just trying to keep her calm until they could arrive.

Much love to those out there braving the dating world.

Granted, a lot of guys would bail after seeing their date doing this. But the guy who stays? Well, that's the guy she will marry; the guy who accepts her for who she is.

Ohh no.

Hopefully the teacher is out-of-the-loop and doesn't understand what that phrase means. It's their only hope.

Nice guy to do all that driving, though.

This is pretty bad, but there was something else that happened that made it even worse. The driver asked if the passenger if he'd mind if he made a quick stop at the 7-11 to get a juice or something, and the passenger said no.

Mon cherie.

Oof, this is so brutal. But at least it wasn't her dog? Then shew would've licked the back of the vet's hand. (Do you guys also return your dog's kisses with licks so they understand what you're doing? Or is that just me?)

I, too, would like coffee.

Why wouldn't the friends say anything? They just kept their mouths shut, letting this poor girl embarrass herself. Shameful.

I do this with pretty much everyone I meet online.

And I know everyone does it to me too. It's why I keep my Facebook public. But to see someone do it? I would consider them a psychopath forever.

Aww, they're like otters.

Yes, getting a massage from someone can feel particularly intimate. But that does not mean you get to grab their hand. In fact, it means you have to take special care not to grab their hand. And if you do, brother, you'd better leave a big tip.

The bride must never know.

I don't actually think this one is that embarrassing. I go to weddings for people I don't know all the time for free wine and food, and I don't feel bad about it (even though everyone in my life tells me I should)!

Drop it like it's Gooood/ drop it like it's Gooood/ drop it like it's Gooood...

What made it even worse was, the vicar dropped such a fat beat the kids couldn't help but get down. But they kept bumping into the kids who were trying to do their choreographed thing. Sigh. Freestyle and traditional dance just do not mix...

I too wonder how they make the sauce.

They just opened a Chick-Fil-A across the street from where I live, so I've had Chick-Fil-A on the brain lately. So yes, I've done this exact thing — assuming whoever I'm talking to works for Chick-Fil-A — to a few people lately. It's a simple mistake to make, and everyone's been chill about it. Well, except for last week when I sat down with Joe Biden. And that's on me. It's like, "Duh! Of course he doesn't work for Chick-Fil-A! He's the former Vice President who is now running for president! He wouldn't have time to also pick up shifts at Chick-Fil-A!"

Talk about bad timing.

The worst part about this was afterwards, when she had to ask why her mom was being hysterical. What an uncomfortable conversation.

"Hey, can I get one of them sandwiches? Thanks..."

If you have social anxiety, you go to weddings and are afraid to eat, because what if you're actually not welcome to the food? The experience of walking into someone's backyard assuming you could just help yourself to hors d'oeuvres is where that kind of anxiety comes from.

"Screw this baby!"

It is very funny to me that a baby would be jealous that their mother would put up a framed photo of a baby. This story is actually better without the twist. It's like M. Night Shyamalan's Signs in that way.

Oh no.

Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no. Oh no.

We all do a little pre-date stalking, right?

Do we think the guy found this flattering or terrifying? I bet it was a little of both.

This should be the case they do for season four of Serial.

Gosh, I hope that not-Dad was okay. I mean, he has to be. Right? It's not like this woman would accidentally drown a man and then her niece would tweet about it like as though it were this funny little family anecdote you sometimes tell at the Christmas party, right? Right?

I imagine a lot of women do this in similar situations.

When you're dealing with anything breast cancer-related, taking out your boob has to become common practice. I imagine some women do it on accident when they're paying at Target.

This story makes my chest tense up.

Look, I want to believe this story is fake. Because not only does a lot has to go right (this guy has to say the exact right words, the lady had to be ready for them, etc.), but also it's just so uncomfortable I hate to think someone actually had to live through it.

Not sure that's a phrase.

I've definitely heard of people talking your ear off. I have not heard of someone talking our leg off. Maybe it's a phrase specific to the medical field? You know, like "we have to intubate" or "he's coding"?

You might call that an overreaction.

I always imagined it'd be handy to have a cop for a friend. They could get you out of tough legal spots once in a while, maybe let a few speeding tickets slide. But when they fake-arrest you in a crowded restaurant? That makes me glad all my friends are college professors or morticians.

Hmmmmmm.

What was that 50 dollars for? If this happened to me, I would spend at least 15 minutes a day wondering what that guy's deal was.

"What idiot planned this, huh?"

See, you never know who you're talking to. That's why you should never, ever gossip. That's why I would never tell you that Theresa from Accounting is secretly dating Tom from Marketing and they're pooling their sick days to go to Aruba together.

You have to wait until the end of a performance to give a review.

via: Twitter

 This is as embarrassing as the time I saw Birdemic and wondered if the director was sincerely trying to make a good movie or not. You really have to wait until you have the entire story before you render a verdict.

Common mistake.

There is no way this poor man didn't think "HORNING" wasn't the word "WARNING." He is surely back at his house now, head tucked between his knees, hoping he will be safe.

"Please do not call me that."

Whether they're in charge of you at the moment or not, it is never good to call your boss a "ho." I feel like HR should've spelled that out on your first day.

Watch your mouth.

via: Twitter

 Great, now those kids are going to go to school, say "sh*t" in front of their friends, and those kids will go home and say it in front of their parents. The only hope of keeping that school decent is if the tweet-writer and his family move away now to Boston.

Now this is a nickname.

I hope this guy isn't upset about his nickname. "Newsdog" is a very cool thing to be called.

Hope they didn't like that restaurant, because now they can never go back.

Some waiters might consider this even better than getting a tip. I mean, very, very few waiters would think that. But some of them might!

A little grace makes these screw-ups much easier to take.

What a saint this woman is, to try and make him feel better about the weird thing he said. I would've probably pepper-sprayed him.

How's your soup, ma'am?

Okay, sure, this is embarrassing. But I'm sure the employees at this bistro have heard worse. A lot frat guys probably come in, say "pea-ness," and then loudly giggle for, like, 10 minutes. It's all part of the job.

This feels British somehow.

Hey, at least they didn't say anything rude or vaguely sexual like everyone else on this list, right? That said, this still happened in real life and not a letter to your estranged grandfather, so saying "kind regards" remains a weird thing to say.

This man needs to smell the lost and found.

Sure, we can laugh about this little misunderstanding all we want. But the fine policemen serving in the department of Pie Recovery do not appreciate it.

You... you know?

This guy clearly has a superpower. He can look at another man and see, through his mind's eye, what kind of bathroom decor he has. He has been officially rejected by the X-Men.

This one seems Freudian...

There is no doubt in my mind that this guy has been wanting to tell this coworker he's better than they are for years. This was, in no way, accidental.

A waste of everyone's time.

It's pretty easy to imagine what this poor French camera shop owner was thinking: "Why even ask me if I speak French in the first place? I got a lot to get done today, you know." Except it was probably classier and more poetic than that, since it was in French.

"I'm gonna have to ask my manager about that one."

How long would a meat-long sandwich be? Because ham is a lot longer than a sausage link. Also, football marinara? Pretty dry.

"It will not be a pleasure for me."

This is an all-time blunder, to be sure. But it's just a simple mistake; hopefully it doesn't ruin the friendship. But... it probably will.

Smooth, Bernard.

In a sense, aren't we all compositions; works of art brought about by our parents, containing all their hopes and dreams and, therefore, ideas? Wow, really makes you think. And feel.

We got ourselves a weird dude over here.

And then that man pulled out of there, and fast. Because the only reason someone thanks you for giving them an opportunity to help out is if they're a sociopath looking to establish some Normal People Behavior so no one suspects them of serial murder.

"Nice to meet you."

And thus began a life-long friendship between two people who would always greet each other with a single handshake. (It's not that special — that's how like 99.9 percent of people greet each other.)

This will draw a lot of interest from recruiters.

"Hey boss? I just got all the resumes you forwarded me. You know, of all the candidates you want me to interview? Anyhow, I just had a question about one." "I know which one you're talking about, and there will be no further questions. Daddy knows what Daddy wants."

Just set a calendar reminder, geez.

We're in a digital age. We have both smart phones and Facebook. We should never forget a birthday again.

An unwarranted thank you.

Maybe this sudden bit of gratefulness was exactly what this man needed? Maybe he just got fired from his job after 15 years and was feeling under-appreciated? Or maybe he was confused. It's probably one of those two options.

Oh, how I wish she hand't called it "wee wee."

She should've said, "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" Or, even better, "Do you need to use the restroom?" I think even the word "bathroom" is kind of gross.

Hello. Is it me you're looking for?

The response? "Of course." (I know that probably wasn't the actual response but I ship these two so just let me have this.)

"Hey there little guy!"

My first thought was whether or not anyone's fetish is having their finger shook. But then I realized that the quantum fetish rule suggests that, yes, the moment you wonder if a fetish exists, it does and someone without a doubt has it.

What's up, ladies?

It's not enough to say that they would like to see them. They'd like to see them under one very specific condition.

BOOM. Roasted.

This reads like another Freudian slip to me. Because writing an apology letter is absolutely an inconvenience, and they are certainly sorry to be writing that letter.

An egregious affront.

What do you do here? Do you say something? Do you complain to the staff? Do you take a bite of her newspaper?

"Is there anything you'd like to say to the most powerful military in the world, son?"

What's so cool about the term "general" is you could probably just call yourself a general for a long time and no one would question it. Just make sure you don't do it at the VA.

A nice attempt.

It's so so so challenging to talk to people at funerals. Coming up with something to say in that time of pain is practically impossible. So while we applaud the effort, it has to be said: this isn't what you say. Not ever.

"Are you trying to flatter me, counselor?"

"Because I must say... it's working." And that's how this lawyer got his client off for embezzling millions. Flirting with the judge is a tactic more lawyers should consider employing.

Smooth.

Ah yes, the classic flirting technique: describing what you are physically doing in that moment, even though they can clearly see. "Hello gorgeous. I am playing Solitaire in a bar while drinking a soda and lime because I'm doing a Whole 30. What's going on witchu?"

Some cultures consider that a delicacy.

You know how eating Tide Pods was a bit of a thing a while ago because they just looked so good? That's sort of how I feel about the idea of dipping bread into a simmering, aroma-filled juice. I know it wouldn't be good, but man I'd be tempted to try it.

"Welp, I'm gonna head out."

And then, knowing he could never show them his face again, that man lived in that coat closet for the next two years.

"Hey, look over there. Is Roberts slowly sinking to the ground?"

What's truly haunting about this story is its air of inevitability. Once those cramps kick in and the sliding begins, there's nothing you can do. You're going down, both onto the floor and in the estimation of your peers.

"Officer, I'd like to report an attempted baby-napping."

Listen, I've spent time around new moms. If there's one thing they hate, it's when strangers demand they hand over their baby. It just rubs them the wrong way, you know?

They served tiny sandwiches, but the only thing this person put in their mouth was their foot.

Funerals are tricky. No one ever really knows what to say. But don't say that. Whatever you do, don't say that.

I think this is the plot to A Quiet Place.

I know it's kind of an accepted trope that no one likes their in-laws. But shouldn't we like our in-laws? It's like a new, free set of parents! Don't hide form them! Work out your differences with them!

Hey there, stranger.

Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy. But I am sleepy. So let's be lazy.

Takin' out the trash.

I don't know why this person was filming their roommate take the trash out. But I'm very, very glad they were.

"I'm worried."

This is another one that made me laugh out loud. Imagine being the professor on the receiving end of this email!

"No thanks."

Time to use a fake number and get the heck out of there. Also, you can never go back. Sorry. Them's the breaks.

Thanks mom.

The mom had to know that looked suspicious, right? She HAD to.

That means nothing.

At least you were polite. That's gotta count for something.

"Go away."

Who hasn't accidentally mixed up two different words and made a similar misstep? Everyone's done this, right? Please tell me this has happened to everyone.

"Have a nice job!"

At least you were already running away from the awkward situation. That was very forward thinking of you.

Salsa.

To be fair, that looks a lot like the word "salsa." Still, you can tell this person is a bit more book smart than street smart.

Model behavior.

And that is why I will never pursue a career in modeling. Also because I would be bad at it.

Rotten luck.

You just know that someone who works at the DMV is silently laughing to themselves and celebrating the fact they were able to sneak this plate under the radar. I have to admit I'm impressed.

Millipede.

"And that's why I legally changed my name to Millipede. It was less awkward than having to explain this interaction."

This is my new nightmare.

Bra shopping is already a slightly awkward experience. Now I can add "accidentally trying to buy someone's old, used bra" to my list of anxieties.

Makes sense.

They had no other choice but to let you go. You understand that, right?

Oh boy.

Good time to get on a plane and fly away, though! This post from The Bloggess inspired people to share their own embarrassing tales.

Like this one:

I bet he tells that story to his friends and followers, too. Sorry. That doesn't make you feel better, does it?

You live there now.

The only proper response to this situation is to close the door and hope no one needs their coat for the next 8 hours.

"Love you!"

That's nothing. I've said "I love you!" to my boss. Out loud. With my human mouth.

"Want a bag?"

I would give anything to hear the customer say "yes" and watch the cashier struggle to bag up some kayaks.

This mom was just trying to help out.

But for real: WHY would you choose that as your security question?! Share this with someone who's having an awkward day/life!