I feel like I ought to start this by holding up my ringless hands and admitting that I know very little about the big deal that is the nuptial ring. That is until today.

Now put away your celebratory balloons and gifts... no one has proposed to me yet. Actually, my ring education came as I found myself deep into a Facebook wormhole that is the page: "That's it, I'm ring shaming."

This is a Facebook group set up to judge and comment on people's engagement and wedding bands. As it turns out, the state of the ring on your finger says a lot about you and your relationship. All in good fun, I'm sure!

Continue scrolling to learn all about what constitutes an engagement ring nightmare and what kind of rings you should absolutely not accept...


Back in the day, it was all about the dress.

Squeezing out of your mom's front door in your great big meringue-like-nest of a dress with your veil covering most of your face, the ring was not what was on your mind.

Then we started to chill on the dress game...

People started getting married in any old thrift store number. Marriage was about the commitment, about the sacrament. I mean, it was about you and the dude you were signing up to spending the rest of your life with.

Now, it seems like it's all about the ring.

I mean, Twitter user, Maria, didn't even feel like she was engaged while her ring was in the shop getting resized...

The war of the rings!

Just as when we were kids we would compare Pokemon cards, now it's all about the engagement ring. "Well, mine's bigger." "Well, mine cost more." "Well, mine cost the lives of four diamond mining children." "Fair, you win."

So what makes a good ring?

The happy bride-to-be above explained that she took inspiration from stars like Rita Ora and Rihanna when choosing her ring. She wanted something big and blingy with an "urban feel." Hmmm, okay?

The right ring can bond women.

If your ring is goldilocks right... i.e: it's not too big, too small, too flashy, or too simple, then you can feel as though you are part of something: together. In the above Instagram post, a woman celebrates the fact that, along with her four sisters, she is married. Hoorah, congratulations to you guys! I also have four sisters, I wonder if we'll feel as connected once we've all managed to wangle getting someone to put a ring on it?

Some people have very specific ring desires.

Twitter user, Sydney, wants a pretty specific shaped ring. Perhaps because she wants to combine all the things she loves in the important symbol that is her engagement ring?

A ring lets people know that you're taken.

Besides never being asked, I think the reason I've never been much into the idea of an engagement ring is the whole "now I own you," vibe.

You could see it the other way around...

You could see it like, "yeah my spouse has been with loads of ladies before but, hey, I got the ring." I guess it does show how committed your partner is to you. The ring is a circle, a circle represents eternity, etc. etc.

You can also keep the ring if you get divorced!

I mean, unless it's like their great-great grandmother's ring or something... Typically, though, once that ring's on your finger, it's yours forever. You can even get it turned into a hip and trendy divorce ring to commemorate the start of "new memories." Yeesh.

Some people might want to hang onto it though.

I guess even if your marriage does end in divorce, a lot of people want to hold onto their rings to commemorate the time that was and all that. In my last breakup, all I got was an old toaster and a decorative plate that we won at a carnival. Needless to say, I didn't feel any pull to hold on to those.

Does this ring look that bad to you?

via: Facebook

Now from this angle, I didn't think so either. It looks fine, right? This is the ring that has been causing such a storm over at the "That's it, I'm ring shaming" Facebook page. So, what's wrong with it?

Well, I mean, from this angle...

via: Facebook

It's the height of the ring that people on the page had a problem with. One user commented: "You'll take someone's eye out with that." Another concurred and added: "So tall, it must catch on everything." Users even questioned how the ring owner, Stacey, could get around doing normal day-to-day tasks with the big studded ring. One person joked: "Good luck wearing sweaters with that." In truth, they're probably right. But, hey... at least she didn't swallow it!

What, you haven't heard?

One woman made headlines last week for swallowing her engagement ring in her sleep. And, believe me, it was not as funny as it sounds. She ended up in the hospital!

Meet Jenna Evans...

via: Facebook

This is one bride-to-be that woke up a situation just strange as the one she had left in the dream world.

Jenna lives in San Diego with her fiance, Bobby.

via: Facebook

Would you look at the size of that diamond! Fair play, Bob, you clearly wanted to secure some equity.

Because that's the other reason we fork out on a ring, right?

It's like an insurance policy at the start of your marriage... if we lose everything, we can always pawn the ring. Better than losing the house, right?

That's unless your partner swallows it first!

via: Facebook.

Jenna dreamt that she ate her engagement ring. When she woke up, it turned out that she had actually swallowed it. After being rushed to the hospital and getting an X-Ray, the doctors were able to locate the ring. They then performed an upper endoscopy to get the ring out. Posting about the ordeal on a Facebook post, Jenna said: "I cried a lot because I would be SO MAD if I died. I waited a long time for that damn engagement ring and I WILL marry Bobby Howell DAMNIT...Everything went great, they found my ring just beyond my stomach in my intestines, retrieved it and gave it to Bobby, not me. "

When Jenna asked for the ring back, Bobby said no!

via: Facebook

I mean, dude, hasn't she been through enough? According to Jenna's post, after the couple left the hospital and went to In N Out for food, she asked for the ring. "He said no. Thank God I had that chocolate shake." Jeez, what a meanie. She did get it back eventually. She updated the post, writing: "Bobby finally gave my ring back this morning - I promised not to swallow it again, we're still getting married and all is right in the world." Well, at least everything is alright in the world...

Did you know some people wear engagement rings as a cover?

I never knew this was a thing either. We are learning a lot today, aren't we? According to Twitter user, LaPrincesadeNY, if you wear an engagement ring, you're less likely to get hollered at. Huh, I'm not sure this is something we all need, but for those tired of feigning off the attention of strangers, this could definitely be something to consider.

Now if I was to get engaged...

via: YouTube/ Lady Gaga

Here we go, alright, alright... I'll admit, an afternoon spent looking at rings might have turned my head. Well, I mean, if I was going to get engaged, I'd want something like that scene from A Star Is Born. Have you seen it? The charming Bradley Cooper makes Lady Gaga a cool ring out of his guitar string/wire. It's spontaneous and cute and I think that the sentiment would be way better than some blood diamond. It wouldn't have to be a guitar string, I don't know, maybe like a wooden one whittled out of the tree we first sat under or from the headboard from the first bed we slept in. Haha, I guess I still kind of think rings are silly. But, eh, we're all different. If you're still on the engagement hype, continue scrolling to read all about the girl who dressed up as a bush to spy on her sister's engagement proposal. Trust me, it's a pretty funny story.