You never know where you might encounter some drama. It can happen literally anywhere where there are at least two people. Or one person and a phone and/or a computer, I guess.
British comedian Stuart Laws just happened to witness some good old-fashioned drama at a coffee shop. And, as luck would have it, he live-tweeted the entire exchange. It all started when two women had a bit of a social altercation over some dirty plates that had been left on a table. Not a big deal, right?
Wrong. It turned it a very, very big deal.
As you read through Laws' Twitter thread, you'll definitely find yourself sympathizing with one of the women more than the other. But the complete and total Power Move that occurs in the final sweet is just *kisses fingertips*. It's perfect. It's wonderful.
Thank goodness for drama, for Twitter, and for people like Stuart Laws who combine the two to great effect.
The story starts with a bang:
At a cafe, empty tables everywhere, a woman moved all the dirty plates and cups from her table to another, that ano… https://t.co/VdcWz8Ts3m— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555334878.0
The move was even more bizarre because there were plenty of empty tables in the café.
15 table cafe Occupied tables: 3 Empty tables: 12— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555335091.0
Obviously, the second woman was rather put off by having a bunch of dirty plates at her table.
Clean woman has started moving all the dirty plates back from whence they came. Dirty plate woman has broken the si… https://t.co/LTCTlDKoNG— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555335226.0
She explained her actions:
"You put these on my table without asking so I'm moving them back" "I didn't want them on my table" CHECKMATE— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555335463.0
Things started escalating.
"Well, I didn't want them on my table and you just put them there without asking" "Well put them on another table i… https://t.co/cCDTrxklet— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555335734.0
The plates were still moving.
Dirty plates woman started moving dirty plates back to the clean woman's table, whilst clean woman was finishing mo… https://t.co/6z5iyPbZHq— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555336094.0
Laws thought he could just observe from afar......But no. Clean Woman wanted his help.
Then this happened:
Dirty plates woman just dropped a mug on the floor and then raced back to her table and opened a book— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555336318.0
Finally, the staff got involved.
Staff member has reluctantly walked over at the sound of the mug and now clean woman is trying to explain the situa… https://t.co/N61w3DCU6q— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555336427.0
This tweet made me so uncomfortable:
Clean woman asked dirty plates woman to explain the situation but DPW just turned round and acted confused by what… https://t.co/TGYAHLs0eO— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555336622.0
Eventually, things seemed to more or less fizzle out.
DPW: "I'm just trying to have a quiet tea, I don't need all this bother please" Staff member seems even more confus… https://t.co/58IkoPJqLL— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555336788.0
Remember that book club meeting Laws mentioned earlier?
THEY'VE BOTH WALKED OVER TO THE BOOK GROUP— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555336881.0
Things started calmly enough.
It's the first meeting of the book group and they are all introducing themselves to each other and the head of the… https://t.co/m8soEHeIt5— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555337193.0
Yep. She went there.
CPW said that she does know someone, points at DPW and says: "I met this woman about 20 minutes ago when she moved… https://t.co/n66nUnKAfs— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555337553.0
Then the meeting got rolling.
HoBG: "Shall we get started?" They did some intros and brief chat admin. There's 7 people in total. The book is: Ni… https://t.co/nRBDCgxsUX— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555337964.0
Finally, the Clean Woman (lol) made her move:
Shots fired!!! CPW got herself a tea and a slice of cake, drank and ate it all and then put them empties down on top of DPW's book.— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555339455.0
Not to be outdone, Dirty Plates Woman retaliated:
DPW calmly excused herself to go to the toilet, came back with water, put it down on table and knocked it over CPW'… https://t.co/z3VzMrocOa— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555339789.0
There is so much to unpack here.
Others in the group helped clean up water, no one really seems to understand that their book group has a broiling s… https://t.co/GTqj0fnPYx— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555340124.0
The group switched to talking about future books.
HoBG asked for suggestions of future books to read... CPW: The Psychopath Test? HoBG: That's a good book, anyone el… https://t.co/k3rSqVnnO7— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555340533.0
Your move, CPW.
Official Book Group is over but it's now unofficial socialising time, two people made a quick getaway, the rest are… https://t.co/MOSkqubG9o— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555340921.0
P.S. Here's a quick note about the names:
It's just Patrick, DPW & CPW left now. At this stage I've realised CPW should be CTW but I can't change that now— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555341515.0
OH MY GOD.
Staff member came over to clear away dirty cups. CPW says not to worry, staff member looks confused. CPW points at… https://t.co/0mSGPwG5AD— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555341757.0
Aw, Poor Patrick.
DPW just pretended to be confused and looked at Patrick with a "what's that about?" look. Patrick laughed, I still… https://t.co/8zM6s9MA0d— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555342086.0
Once again, Laws assumed this was the end of the coffee shop drama.
Ok, I think this is the end, and it's disappointing so I'll do a fake ending first, then the real one...— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555342182.0
He also provided this background info:
Someone requested a little more detail on the protagonist and antagonist (it's up to you to decide which is which I… https://t.co/GHosXAqFqw— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555342340.0
OK, here's the fake ending:
CPW starts crying, staff member asks what's wrong: "My husband left me for a dirty plate" DPW and Patrick start mak… https://t.co/L59EZqkLpN— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555342490.0
DPW makes her exit:
Real ending: DPW says she has to leave, Patrick laughs and I'm not sure why, shakes her hand. DPW does a Patrice Ev… https://t.co/Qdpvz8yqFW— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555342633.0
Obviously, Laws was pretty stressed out by this point.
I'm exhausted https://t.co/ktX05mYJnM— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555343165.0
But there was one final twist.
OH GOD— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555343494.0
Dun Dun DUNNNNNNN!
CPW went up to pay for her tea and cake and it had already been paid for 🤯— Stuart Laws (@Stuart Laws)1555343720.0