YOU GUYS. I'm fully aware we're only a couple weeks into 2019, but I am calling it now – this is the best, the juiciest, the most schadenfreude-ariffic story of the year. I know that's a big claim, but trust me on this one. I hope your drama llamas are hungry because I am about to serve them up a feast the likes of which they have not experienced since, I don't know, Logan Paul? Something involving a Kardashian? The Ariana Grande/Pete Davidson fiasco? You know, something big and dramatic and Internet-y.
Today's story is all about a young woman named Caroline Calloway. She's a writer (kind of), an Instagram influencer (I guess?), and a scam artist extraordinaire (definitely). She's also a huge fan of salads and flower crowns. This will all make more sense in a second. But for now, please sit back, relax, and let the drama consume you.
This is Caroline Calloway. I'll give you a minute to read this mile-long caption on her Instagram post.Instagram and every single post has a caption as long as the one you see here. It's her thing.
In fact, she invented long captions on Instagram.
Scammer is now claiming she invented writing long Instagram captions & has revolutionized Instagram Stories by writ… https://t.co/DsuiVbSeG9— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547076366.0
Oh, and that book deal she mentioned?an interview with Broadly, Calloway admitted that she "procrastinated on the proposal so much that [her literary agent] had to designate specific hours during which she would come into his office and work, monitored." In July of 2017, she announced on her Instagram Story that she was pulling out of the book deal — and going into $100,000 debt as a result of her failure to keep up her side of the agreement. But let's set aside the (failed) book deal for a moment because what's been happening over the past few weeks is actually way juicier. Thanks to a now-viral Twitter thread by pop culture writer Kayleigh Donaldson, we can start from the very beginning.
Back in December, Calloway decided to host a seminar all about creativity and being yourself.
That Instagram influencer I occasionally check in on because she's The Worst is now charging $165 for a 4 hour "se… https://t.co/2wqfWk79XP— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1545338143.0
First of all, she decided that this seminar should actually be a global tour.
FURTHER UPDATE! She's now planning on taking her "workshops" on tour, including to Edinburgh. Scotland says no.— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1545427500.0
The seminar was going to be 4 hours long...
STILL UPDATING! $165 for a FOUR HOUR workshop with this scammer and she won't even be there for the first hour. Val… https://t.co/xg2xKWufvX— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1545522741.0
Donaldson — the pop culture writer who gathered all the crazy into one Twitter thread — admits that her fixation on Calloway is perhaps a bit frivolous.
I understand that in the grand scheme of things this is a frivolous issue and I'm a nobody making a deal out of a t… https://t.co/O5MnO2RFt7— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1545524454.0
As the date of the first workshop approached, Calloway decided she wanted to hire a photographer and a videographer.
Scammer update! Scammer has almost sold out a majority of her $165 "creativity workshop" tickets but wants to hire… https://t.co/qxdyRIzfOt— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1545991080.0
Calloway was eventually guilted into *gasp* actually paying people for their work.
UPDATE: She's clearly been guilt tripped into, you know, paying people for their services. But she's "honestly a li… https://t.co/qUDumrtoAG— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1546000064.0
This Instagram Story update might actually be my favorite one:
via: TwitterAll she wanted to do was give her fans "inventive and playful and sweet" DIY wildflower gardens! As far as I can tell, that means she wanted to give people a mason jar full of dirt and some seeds. But it was just too hard — but not her fault — but still really hard!
Here's the actual delivery of those whimsical, magical, absolutely perfect mason jars:
via: TwitterAs you can imagine, 1,200 mason jars take up quite a bit of space.
I mean, like, A LOT of space:
via: TwitterI'll admit it. When I came across this part of the story, I legit started cackling at my desk.
Calloway then started saying that she wasn't charging enough for the workshops.
Warning: Scammer now realizes it will be harder for her to make money from her sheer ineptitude so will be raising… https://t.co/HCcbf8egnF— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547232440.0
As the day of the first seminar approached, Calloway shared something rather alarming:
She has an event NEXT WEEK and she HASN'T BOOKED THE VENUE YET! Keep in mind she's already SELLING $165 TICKETS for… https://t.co/eshn56q6js— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547239792.0
Day one of the global tour and Calloway quickly realized that making salads for 50 people takes time and is not fun.
Happy Scammer Day! So day 1 of her nationwide tour & she's already dropped the promise of handwritten letters & is… https://t.co/pSRxkw6qqx— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547302433.0
Apparently, some people pointed out that they actually DID want that salad. Calloway had the perfect response to those people:
But don't worry, if you're expecting a modicum of professionalism or, you know, any of the things she promised you'… https://t.co/OhZi9fohts— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547302503.0
Then she complained about the salad some more.
You're the one who charged $165 for this mess, INCLUDING food! Now you want to make people bring their own food but… https://t.co/OlQp7PgxHA— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547310093.0
OK, so after the salad fiasco, the first seminar apparently went pretty well.
Scammer update! The first event went so well, according to Her, that she's decided to use this as an excuse to not… https://t.co/35ronxhbbX— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547376431.0
And wouldn't you know it?
Note how she never actually gave her fans an option to vote no. But she's still reporting that the vote was unanimo… https://t.co/yOsiJJf2MT— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547376495.0
However, some people did request that she actually come to the cities she had planned to come to.
No joke, her fans have to plead with her to fulfil the promise they're paying $165 for! https://t.co/kxwXhkAYR7— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547376994.0
But no matter! On with the horror show!
Yup, she is now officially cancelling some events & moving them to New York. Who would have thought that a shamel… https://t.co/bvXVt3pxF9— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547381836.0
After day one of the tour, Calloway decided to hire some staff.
Notice how it's all her staff's fault. You know, the staff she hired *checks Instagram Stories *yesterday. https://t.co/dSzTPx0TRH— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547383413.0
Calloway then headed to DC, where she complained about having to pay extra for her luggage.
via: TwitterImagine having to pay more than $100 for something that didn't seem worth it in the slightest! Can you imagine how that must feel?
This is an actual picture of one of the seminars:Where are their chairs? Where is their DIGNITY?
@spaghetticat The diversity in this room told me racism doesn’t exist because they never experienced it https://t.co/rZZhzeXnvR— Alankrutha (@Alankrutha)1547438051.0
Throughout the fiasco, Calloway offered up refunds to whomever wanted one.
Good morning! I have reached out to the people who DM-d me about getting refunds to find out if they actually did,… https://t.co/aNp4nPackK— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547463577.0
Oh, and she sent these bizarre apology emails:
The email she sent out to people about her cancellations is wild. "THE HIGH FUCKING QUALITY EVENT." "Only you and y… https://t.co/Wthj2NGyEQ— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547463663.0
Ultimately, the entire tour was canceled.
"I'm cancelling the rest of the tour." https://t.co/CUmUVLtAQA— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547477034.0
There's also this:
And yes, I am very aware of how Calloway positions me, without ever naming me, as the reason for the tour cancellat… https://t.co/CLAHKTYfcq— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547477517.0
And with that, the story of Caroline Calloway's utter failure of a world tour comes to an end.
And yes, today I was finally blocked on Instagram by Caroline Calloway. https://t.co/BIqEz8VNnP— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Kayleigh Donaldson)1547571954.0